Color
by EverShadow
Summary: When Glee club loses a friend, everyone feels it. But one glee member feels it so much more than the others and embarks on her own journey to discover how to move on.
1. Lima, Ohio, Present Day

Author's note: This idea has been with me for years, even before Glee. The problem was, I didn't have characters to put with it. When Brittany and Santana popped up, I suddenly found the perfect pair for this. I really hesitated putting this up, but if I get enough feedback, I'll certainly continue.

Color

Quinn and Rachel happened to be in town the same day. Both of them brought flowers, Quinn brought white daisies and Rachel brought pink roses. When they saw each other at the entrance, they flashed each other a surprised look followed by a quick smile.

"Hey. I didn't know you were going to be here." Quinn said.

"Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it?" Rachel replied. "Are you here for..."

"Yeah." Quinn cut her off before she could say anymore. The two walked along side each other down the stone path, passing a fountain before continuing to speak.

"What brings you back to Lima?" Quinn asked.

"Oh, you know...it's..." Rachel trailed off.

"The anniversary." Quinn finished. Rachel smiled sadly at the ground, trying so hard not to tear up.

"It's been, what, five years since then?"

"Yeah. Five years." Quinn replied. "How's Finn doing?"

"Finn's going for his masters. He has a huge assignment due otherwise he would be here." Rachel stated. "We finally got an apartment together once he got his teaching fellowship." Quinn smiled at the thought.

"I never thought Finn would even get past college."

"He's really passionate about education. Something about following in Mr. Shuester's footsteps, I guess." Rachel explained.

"And you're still on Broadway?"

"Off-Broadway, for now at least. But I'm going to audition for a new piece by Schwartz. I'm going for the lead." Rachel flashed a hopeful grin in Quinn's direction.

"I hope you get it. You were the best singer out of all of us." Quinn touched her shoulder gently and the brunette welcomed the warmth of her fingers. It was such a cold day out, nothing surprising given that it was November but it was perhaps this day in particular that made it especially bitter.

"How's Puck?"

"Oh, you know, out being a rock star and all that. He's on tour right now. Last I heard he was somewhere in Tennessee. He sends postcards every now and then and I get to call him during the evenings if he isn't busy with a gig."

"Sounds like he's doing well." Rachel said. "I mean, it was always his dream to..." Quinn stopped in midstep, causing Rachel to stumble forward a little. "Quinn?" Quinn had gone an unhealthy pale and her mouth dropped. Rachel had never seen a look so scared and so surprised on the blonde's face before. She followed her gaze forward and nearly dropped her flowers when she saw what the blonde was so focused on.

"Oh my god." Rachel whispered. "It can't be..."

A woman in a tan trench coat stood about a hundred feet ahead with her back facing the two of them. Her hair was about shoulder length and she held a bouquet of yellow daisies in her arms, cradled like it was a child. She knelt down and put the flowers on the soft grass in front of the tomb stone. She rested her head against the tomb stone and put one hand on it. Quinn heard her whisper something.

"I've missed you..." The woman said.

"Quinn..." Rachel grabbed her arm. "Quinn...that's..."

"Shut up...I know." Quinn hissed. She thought back to a conversation she had with Puck two days ago.

* * *

It was 3 in the morning when Puck called her. She looked at her cellphone angrily.

"What?" She demanded, putting the phone to her ear.

"Quinn. I saw _her._" He said urgently.

"Her?" Quinn asked.

"Quinn, I saw _her._ She's here. I talked with her for all of three seconds. Quinn, she's alive and she's well." Quinn suddenly got a lot more awake.

"Are you serious? We haven't seen or heard from her in years." Quinn hissed.

"I think she's going back to Lima. She acted like she didn't even know who I was. She just said 'I don't know who you're talking about' and left. But I know it was her. She hasn't changed since...since then." Quinn felt her blood run cold. Puck's words trickled in syllable by syllable and she closed her eyes to absorb it all.

"Are you sure?" She demanded.

"I overheard her talking with the bartender asking how long it took to get from here to Lima."

"Oh my god."

"Q, you need to get on a plane to Lima right now. If she's going back, this could be our only chance." Quinn turned on her laptop and booked the soonest flight she could find, despite the fact that it cost a good fortune for being so last minute and business class too. But money was the last thing on her mind. A thousand thoughts flew through her brain and she tried to sort through them all.

_We haven't seen her since she ran away._

_What the hell has she been doing? Does she know we've been worried sick about her?_

_Why is she coming back to Lima after all this time away?_

_Should I call the others? Oh god...I don't even know what to say to her on the off chance I see her there._

And then Quinn realized what it was that was bringing her back to Lima and she dropped her cellphone. Puck on the other end kept saying "hello" but Quinn pressed the red button. She let her head fall into her hands and she cried while the website registered her flight.

* * *

The impossible was happening right now. That same girl that vanished so many years ago was kneeling in front of the gravestone. Quinn took a few steps forward, not sure what to say and all too afraid that saying anything at all would scare her away again.

"We need to think about this. Oh god. Oh god." Rachel whispered.

"Now is not the time to be freaking out, Berry." Quinn snapped.

"You two are about as subtle as a locomotive." The woman chuckled, standing up. "You think I couldn't hear you from a mile away, mouth breathers?" She turned around. Quinn held her breath and planted her feet firmly into the ground, prepared to stop the woman if she tried to make a break for it. The woman in front of her noticed her stance.

"Relax." She said, putting up her hand. "I'm not going anywhere. I trust Puck told you about his little meeting with me?"

"Where have you been these past few years?" Rachel asked. The woman shrugged.

"Physically? Everywhere. Emotionally? With her." She jerked a thumb back at the gravestone. "Still am." She added sadly. Rachel fought the urge to hug her. She could tell that it wouldn't have done any good. Quinn on the other hand walked right over to her, put the flowers down beside the yellow daisies and slapped her hard. Her cold hand left a quickly reddening mark on the other woman's cheek.

"You act like nothing has happened." Quinn yelled.

"Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed. The woman smirked.

"And?"

"You left us four years and nine months ago, precisely three months after it happened. You left all of us, floundering at nationals, worried to death about where you were, what you were doing, if you had..." Quinn trailed off.

"Died?" The woman finished. "Like I said, emotionally, I'm with her."

"Don't give me that." Quinn's eyes narrowed dangerously. "We all lost her, ok?"

"You didn't lose her like I did!" The woman shouted, then as if startled by her own anger, clasped a hand over her mouth and turned away. "You didn't...you didn't love her like I did."

"I'm sorry..." Quinn touched her shoulder.

"Just...just go. Leave your flowers and go."

"No. I want us to talk. I don't want you disappearing again without telling us anything. You're our friend and I'd rather go to hell than let you do that to us again." Quinn demanded.

"Please, just talk to us. You owe us that much. Let's just go for coffee...and after that...you can do whatever you want." Rachel pleaded. Quinn whipped around. She was not going to be satisfied with just that but Rachel looked at her with eyes that said, _"let's take it slow..."_

"Fine. Just coffee." The woman replied. "But give me a minute here, ok?" Quinn looked at her skeptically. "I promise I won't run off. If you're worried, my car is out front, the blue one, ok? I won't run away." Quinn nodded and turned around. Rachel walked up and put her flowers to the left of the others. She gave the woman a sad smile and hugged her, despite her earlier conclusion. To her surprise, the woman didn't push her away and Rachel took it as an acceptance. Together, the two walked back to the entrance. As soon as they disappeared from view, the woman turned back around. She stuck her hand in her pockets and knelt down again.

"Hey." She whispered, tracing the letters on the grave. "I'm sorry I didn't visit for so long. It's me, B. It's Santana."


	2. Lima, Ohio, Present Day II

Author's note: As per usual, I love feedback.

_Lima, Ohio, Five Years Ago_

"WHOO! TAKE IT OFF!" Puck shouted obnoxiously to Quinn who was taking off her beer stained shirt. She glared angrily at the mohawked boy who had been the reason for her drenched state.

"Puck, shut up." She hissed. Kurt draped his blazer over her shoulders.

"Come on, let's find you something to wear." He said, leading her up to his room. Puck shrugged and down the rest of his cup. He looked around.

"Who wants to play spin the bottle?" He asked, grabbing the nearest empty beer bottle. Rachel shook her head.

"Puck, look around. Who is single? And who would want to kiss you?" She said. Puck took one glance around the room. Tina and Artie were racing around the room in his wheelchair. Rachel and Finn were holding hands while Finn stared suspiciously at Puck. Mercedes looked like if he tried anything, she'd mount his head as a decorative item on her wall. That left Matt and Mike, neither of whom Puck wanted to go anywhere near in a sexual way.

"Hold on, where are Santana and Brittany?" He asked.

"Probably making out somewhere." Mercedes replied. All the guys in the room went silent and coughed awkwardly, suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable, especially in the case of how their pants were quickly becoming too tight.

"Anyway, it's not like they'd want to make out with anyone in this room anyway." Rachel said quickly, trying to bring the focus back to the issue at hand.

"Hey, I made out with both of them!" Puck defended. "Maybe they want a threesome."

"How stupid are you?" Mercedes snapped. "They're obviously in love with each other."

"Mercedes is right." Kurt interrupted, coming back down the steps. "Besides, ever since the two of them came back from California, Santana hasn't taken off a certain accessory." He smiled coyly, pointing to his ring finger before doing a very Beyonce-esque dip. "Single ladies, they are not."

"Woah...wait..." Finn said, putting out a hand. "You don't mean..."

"Uh, duh." Mercedes replied, rolling her eyes. "Rachel, really, get his brain checked out. I think maybe the helmet doesn't help enough."

"Are you serious? I thought it was just a friggin trinket or something." Puck said in disbelief.

"Right. The two of them just happened to get matching 'trinkets' and came out hardcore as a couple to the point where Sue contemplated kicking them off before admiring their 'attention grabbing stunts.'" Kurt said sarcastically.

"They're engaged?" Mike's voice was unnaturally high pitched.

"If those rings are any indication." Kurt nodded. As if sensing that they were the subject of conversation, Santana and Brittany walked back in the room from the backyard, giggling. Santana's hair was tousled and her make up smeared. Brittany was falling all over her and kissing her on the cheek every few seconds.

"Where have you two been?" Kurt asked with a smile.

"None of your business." Santana slurred. Kurt raised his eyebrow knowingly.

"Nice...hickey, Santana." He commented. Santana clapped a hand against her neck where a dark red mark showed plainly.

"Damn it Brittany." She muttered, leaning against the blonde. Everyone in the room was more focused on their hands, linked together. More importantly, they were focused on Brittany's left hand, nestled between Santana's. A small silver ring gleamed brightly on her ring finger.

"What's your problem?" Santana snapped, not too drunk to notice everyone's gaze.

"Baby..." Brittany leaned over and petted her head, trying to get her to calm down. "Can you get me some water? I'm thirsty..." Santana stood up in a huff and walked up the stairs. Brittany's gaze followed her lovingly.

"So...spill." Mercedes sat down next to Brittany.

"Heeey..." Brittany said drunkenly. "That's San's seat."

"Oh, I'll get out of it as soon as she gets back." Mercedes replied. "So...what's with the shiny?" She gestured towards Brittany's hand. Brittany giggled and smiled more widely than most of the club had seen her smile.

"It's a secret. Santana told me I can't tell you we're going to be together forever." Upon hearing this, Rachel and Tina squealed at the top of their lungs.

"I knew it!" Rachel screamed and clasped both her hands over her mouth. Kurt smiled and then, upon looking at Brittany's skirt, colored and turned away.

"Um. Brit. I love you, girl, but you're missing something." He said awkwardly. Brit looked puzzled for a second before standing up suddenly.

"Ah! I forgot my panties in the backyard!" Everyone in the room went dead silent as the blonde skipped out of the room. Puck's eyes trailed after her, trying to catch a glimpse. After a minute, Santana stumbled back down, holding a glass of water. Everyone in the room started cheering and Rachel grabbed Santana's free hand and shook it.

"If I may speak on behalf of everyone, congratulations!" Rachel said.

"Ok, what the hell?" Santana said, eying everyone warily.

"You know, most high school relationships don't last very long. I'm surprised you'd be such a romantic to propose." Kurt stated. Santana's jaw dropped.

"Who the fuck told?"  
"Your fiancee." Kurt replied with flourish. "Besides, we're not blind." He cast a look over his shoulder at the other boys. "Well, at least the non-mentally challenged ones. We know matching rings when we see them."

"Oh my god." Santana sat down on the steps.

"So how did you do it?" Mercedes asked.

"No, shut up."

"Was it in a restaurant? Were you all dressed up and did you kneel? Oh my god, did she cry?" Tina asked.

"I bet you did it in a field somewhere with stars above your head." Rachel said dreamily.

"I bet she did it after they had sex." Puck suggested.

"She did it, ok?" Santana yelled, trying to get everyone to stop making her head hurt. It did the job and there was a surprised silence.

"Woah, Brit...baller." Artie said.

"Ok, there, I said it. Now where is she?" Santana felt like burying her face in the ground. She was sure that she was red, and not just from the alcohol.

"I saw her headed towards the pool just a minute ago." Quinn said, finally coming back down the stairs.

"I bet she's planning on skinny dipping." Puck leered.

"It looked like she dropped something in the water." Quinn replied, smacking him upside the head. Everyone laughed but for Santana, everything else drowned out. Words blurred together and she saw the glass of water drop from her hands. Everything became slow motion as she stood up.

"BRITTANY!" She screamed and her voice sounded unnaturally hoarse. Everyone turned to look at her as she bolted towards the back door. "SHE CAN'T SWIM!" Suddenly everyone was on their feet and racing past the glass door. Santana was the first to reach the pool and let out a choked sob when she saw Brittany floating in the water. She jumped in.

"Santana!" Puck shouted. Santana swam towards the blonde and grabbed her but she couldn't do anything. Suddenly, there was another splash and in a few strokes, Puck was beside her towing the blonde back to the edge. Everyone helped the three out of the water and Puck, the only one CPR trained, began performing resuscitation. Artie was on his phone calling 911. Finn held Rachel close and everyone else huddled in a circle.

"Baby." Santana said, taking her hand. She looked down and saw that her hand was clenched around something. Her grip went slack for a moment and Santana caught a glimpse of silver. Brittany was holding the ring. Santana looked from the ring to the pool and back.

"No...no...no." She whispered as the scenario played out in her head. Brittany never takes the ring off. The ring must've dropped into the water and Brittany being drunk and in love with Santana must've dove in after it.

"Baby, baby, please." Santana begged. Puck pushed down on her chest.

"Come on." He grunted. "Come on." He placed his lips against hers and blew air into her mouth. "Come on."

"Baby...Brittany..." Santana sobbed and took her hand and held it close. "B..." In the dim light, the silver ring on Santana's hand sparkled in tandem with the one clutched against Brittany's palm. In the distance, Santana could hear the sirens approaching while Puck continued pushing against Brittany's chest and trying to force her to breathe again. Santana let out a heartbroken cry that shook everyone's core and she gripped Brittany's rapidly cooling hand harder.

* * *

_Lima, Ohio, Present Day_

Santana blew the steam off the top of her coffee before taking a small sip. She grimaced at the burnt taste and looked outside across the street. Nothing had changed. Lima was still exactly like she left it, bad coffee and all. Rachel glanced at her left hand where a now faded silver ring rested.

"You still wear that?" She asked. Quinn kicked from under the table. Santana didn't even blink before responding.

"Why not? It keeps people away and it reminds me of her." She replied.

"Is that healthy?" Quinn asked.

"Doesn't matter to me." She said nonchalantly. "My coffee is half done so you'd better hurry up with the questions. Make them good, so far they've been stupid."

"Where have you been?" Rachel nodded in agreement to Quinn's question. Santana sighed and leaned back.

"Ho boy. Where haven't I been?" She sighed.

"Start from the beginning." Rachel suggested.

"That's a lot more than a cup of coffee." Santana pointed out. Quinn grabbed the arm of a nearby waitress.

"Make sure her cup is never empty." She said, pointing to Santana's mug. The waitress nodded and Santana laughed.

"You're serious."

"Deadly." Quinn replied. Santana folded her arms.

"Look, it's a long story."

"And I'm here for another two days because my $1,093 flight doesn't leave until Friday." Quinn leveled her gaze at Santana, determined not to let her back away. Santana shrugged.

"Whatever, your time, not mine." She said.

"So...where did you go? I mean...one minute you were in school, doing glee, Cheerios...and the next day you just vanished." Rachel prodded.

"You remember the summer before our senior year? Before that year?" Santana asked. The two nodded. "Remember how Brittany and I went on a road trip the entire summer? Jumping from couch to couch, sleeping in the car, sometimes staying with a friend or relative? I did that. I couldn't stay in Lima, that's for sure. So I started driving and before I knew it, I was out of the state. I just kept going. I realized I was taking the same route that Brittany and I took."

"So you went on the same road trip again?" Quinn clarified.

"Pretty much. Told you it was boring."  
"For five years?"

"Time goes by, doesn't it." Santana stated plainly.

"Five years, Santana. That's a fucking long time. Why?"

"Why do you think? I needed time away to figure things out." She looked at her watch. "Well, look at the time. And I'm done my coffee." She stood up.

"Sit the fuck back down." Quinn demanded. Santana's eyes narrowed.

"Make me, blondie." She snapped before scooting out of the booth.

"Santana! You can't do that!"

"Watch me." Santana left the diner. Rachel grabbed Quinn's arm.

"We can't just let her leave like that." She whispered. Quinn nodded.

"I know where she's going." She said, dropping a few dollars and following the brunette. Sure enough, they wound up in the cemetery again.

"They're persistent, aren't they?" Santana said to the gravestone. "You think they'll ever leave me alone? No? Damn. Do you want to hear my story too, B?" She sat down next to the grass and leaned against the round edge. She watched as Quinn and Rachel sat down close by, watching her as if she was going to get up and sprint away at any second. Santana sighed. She was tired of running.

"Well, remember that summer...?" She began. "It kinda begins there."


	3. Cape Cod, MA, Memories

_Lima, Ohio, Summer Before Senior Year_

Brittany lay on Santana's bed, playing with the blanket. Santana was looking over the forms she needed to fill out for cheerleading camp that summer. She chewed on the pen in her hand.

"Hey San?" Brittany whispered.

"Hmm?" Santana replied.

"Do you really want to do cheerleading camp? I mean, Coach Sylvester told us that the instructor was about as useful as a beached whale and then said she kinda looked like one on top of that. I didn't really get much better either."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?" Santana asked. "Do you really want to stay in Lima all summer doing nothing? I think I'd kill myself." Brittany flopped onto her stomach and scooted over to the edge where Santana was leaning.

"I want to see the sunrise." She said.

"Ok. We'll get up every morning at 4 and climb onto the roof of the dorm so you can see the sunrise." Santana suggested.

"Not from cheerleading camp!" Brittany giggled. "I want to see it over the ocean!"

"Like...the Atlantic ocean..." Santana stated, turning to look at Brittany. "B, that's like...a day's worth of driving away from cheerleading camp."

"Then we're not going to cheerleading camp." Brittany replied. "Come on, San...my aunt lives right on the beach. We could stay with her!"

"Your...gay...aunt." Santana clarified.

"Yeah, she's happy."

"And married to a woman." The brunette pointed out.

"That too." Brittany added. "Come on, San, we could go there for a few days, and then...we'll see! If you want to come back and do cheerleading camp. But can we go? Pleaassee? This'll be the last vacation we'll have as high school students. Pleeaaassee?" She pouted and gave Santana puppy dog eyes. Santana sighed.

"B, this is ridiculous. We haven't planned anything out!"

"Sure we did!" Brittany flopped on her back and started counting on her fingers. "You have a car. I have an aunt. Let's go!"

"That's not what I mean, B. I mean we can't just up and leave. I have to clear it with my parents and you have to clear it with yours. And then we have to call up your aunt..." Without warning, Brittany got off the bed and all but sprinted downstairs. Santana gave an exasperated sigh and chased after her, knowing full well what she was going to do. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where her mom was preparing dinner.

"Hey, Mrs. Lopez!" Brittany chimed in.

"Hi girls, dinner isn't ready yet." Mrs. Lopez said.

"Um...I was wondering..."

"Mom, don't listen to her. She's gone crazy." Santana interjected. Brittany shot her a "hush you" look before continuing.

"So...Santana and I..."

"Just her, mom. Not me."

"Well, I was thinking that since it was the last summer before junior year..."

"It's the only summer before junior year." Santana corrected but Brittany ignored her.

"I wanted to take Santana and go out to the east coast! My aunt Katie lives over there and I'm sure she'd be happy to let us stay with her for a couple of days."

"What about cheerleading camp?" Mrs. Lopez asked.

"I dunno. Maybe we'll skip it." Brittany shrugged.

"We are not skipping cheerleading camp!" Santana all but shouted. "God..." She folded her arms. Her mom kept chopping up the eggplant and Santana counted down the seconds before she rejected the idea.

"I think that's a great idea." Santana almost fell over in shock.

"Mom!"

"Oh, San." Her mom rolled her eyes. "You've been going to cheerleading camp and coming back complaining how you didn't learn anything! Why waste money on something that's completely unnecessary? I think you should go with Brittany, it'll be fun."

"Mom!" Santana repeated. "I can't just..."

"Yay! I'm going to go call my mom and tell her!" Santana didn't even have a chance to register what was going on in the house when Brittany opened up her phone and dialed home. Santana knew what Brittany's mother was going to say. It was going to be the same response she gave whenever Brittany asked if Santana could sleep over, or go to a party or do just about anything.

"She said yes!" Brittany squealed as if she were surprised by the response.

"But your aunt..."

"She loves me, she'll definitely say yes!" Brittany replied, opening up her phone again and dialing a different number. Santana looked at her mom, pleading with her eyes to make the madness stop. Her mother simply smiled at her when Brittany hung up and hugged Santana saying that everyone had agreed. Santana felt like curling up in her bed and waiting until this dream was all over.

It certainly didn't register when Santana found herself loading up two dufflebags in the back of her blue mini coop roughly a week later. When she stopped and looked at Brittany, printed out sheets of directions in hand while Santana herself held the bags of clothes, towels and other necessities, she all but gave up.

"How the hell did I let myself get talked into this?" She wondered but she knew the answer. It was the same way that she got talked into doing glee. When Sue Sylvester needed spies in the group, Santana initially didn't care but Brittany, after seeing the performance in the auditorium, was so excited by the prospect.

"They get to dance! All the time! And sing!" Brittany bounced around excitedly. When Santana had said that glee was stupid, Brittany pouted and batted her eye lashes until Santana, in a huff, gave in. It was the same way that Brittany had gotten them to "experiment" with each other the first time (but not the subsequent times. Santana would never admit that it was much better with Brittany than any of her boyfriends.)

Of course, this time was no exception. So, dazed and confused at six in the morning, Santana got into the car with Brittany in the passenger seat. Her mother leaned in through the window.

"You girls have fun." She said, winking at Santana. Santana felt like she wanted to bang her head against the wheel of the car until she woke up. "Not too much fun. Brit, I'm asking you to keep an eye on Santana."

"Yes Ma'am!" Brittany did a fake salute and Santana mouthed "oh my god why" several times. She started the car and backed out of the driveway, Brittany cheering her on. By the time Santana realized that all she had to do was fake engine trouble, they were well on their way out of Ohio.

"I just want to make one thing clear." Santana said firmly.

"Yeah?"

"We are only staying there for a few days, no more."

"Ok, San, whatever you say." Brittany replied but they both somehow knew it was going to be more than just a few days. If the four dufflebags in the back were any indication, they had enough clothes for two weeks. Brittany kept herself busy by turning on the radio and rolling down the windows singing at the top of her lungs to Rhianna. Santana had to fight back a smile that time. No matter what the situation, Brittany could always make it lighthearted. As much as she didn't understand why she was driving well over ten hours to Boston where Brittany's gay aunt and her wife resided, some part of her couldn't resist the idea of spending time alone with the bubbly blond. In less than an hour, Santana had joined Brittany in practically screaming songs to the open wind.

Four rest stops and eleven hours later, they arrived in Cape Cod. Santana and Brittany had taken turns driving so that Santana wouldn't wear herself out and it was Brittany who pulled into the driveway of a small beach house only two miles from the actual shore. Two Yorkies dashed outside to greet them, followed by a tall blonde woman who looked startlingly similar to Brittany, just older and tanner.

"Hey Aunt Katie!" Brittany scrambled out of the car to give her a hug.

"Hey Baby B." Santana fought back a laugh when she heard the pet name. "Oh, look at you, you've grown so much."

"Thanks! This is Santana." Santana walked around the car and shook hands with her.

"It's nice to finally meet you." Katie said. "Brittany won't shut up about you. Whenever I talk to her it's always 'Santana and I did this' or 'Santana helped me do this.' It's good to put a face to the name."

"Thanks, it's nice to meet you too." Santana said politely. Brittany stooped down and picked up one of the Yorkies.

"San, this is Bungie! The other one is Cord. Bungie Cord!" She held the Yorkie close to Santana's face and she recoiled slightly upon receiving a doggie slobber facial. "He likes you!" Santana wiped away the drool and proceeded to get the bags from the back. She hauled two over one shoulder and two over the other.

"Where should I put them?" She asked.

"Oh, just drop them in the living room. We have a spare bedroom upstairs you two can share. I'll show you in just a minute." Katie shouted after her. When Santana went into the house, Katie turned to Brittany who was kissing and playing with Bungie.

"She's pretty." Katie observed. Brittany broke into a grin and stared at the doorway where Santana had entered.

"Yeah." She said bashfully.

"I can see why you're enamored. She's pretty, she's got a kickass body. Not as kickass as yours, B, but damn."

"I really, really like her Aunt Katie." Brittany admitted, putting Bungie down and picking up Cord. Her aunt smiled warmly.

"I remember the first time you called me up and told me about her." She reminisced. "You were almost in tears, B. You told me, 'Aunt K, how did you know you liked Aunt Ash?' You were so cute."

"I really like her." Brittany repeated.

"Do you love her?" Katie asked.

"Maybe..." Brittany chewed on her lip and then nodded. "Yeah."

"Does she love you?" Brittany cast a longing glance across the horizon.

"I dunno." She answered. "I mean...we...we do stuff all the time. But she does that with boys too. She said that 'sex wasn't dating' and that we're Cheerios and we can't do stuff like kiss in school." Katie nodded knowingly.

"I know how you feel, Baby B." She put a hand on Brittany's shoulder. "She's probably just scared." The two of them turned towards the house when they heard a loud crash followed by a string of muffled curses.

"San!" Brittany put the Yorki down and headed up the stairs.

"B!" Katie shouted. Brittany turned around, glancing nervously inside the house because there was another loud thud. "You're in Cape Cod. Make things happen!" Brittany flashed her a quick smile before running inside to assist Santana in whatever she was doing. Her aunt stood outside with the dogs excitedly running around the car. She chuckled a little when she saw the silhouette of the two girls, the brunette leaning on the blond for support as they headed to the kitchen to find a first aid kit. _They grow up too fast_, she thought to herself.

"Ok, come on BC, let's go!" She said, clapping her hands and racing the two brown dogs up the stairs and into the house. It was the beginning of the long stay for Brittany and Santana on the east coast.

* * *

Author's note: Ok, part of the reason I was really reluctant to put this fic up was because it kind of gets confusing here. I was planning on alternating a chapter before the summer and a chapter after Brittany's to give the effect of happiness and loss. So please leave feedback as to how it's going so far! I love feedback so very much.


	4. Cape Cod, MA, February 5 Years Ago

Lima, Ohio, Five Years Ago

The week following the death, Santana didn't go back to school. She in fact refused to get up from her bed or even move. Most of the time she slept but her dreams were dominated by images of Brittany walking away, usually smiling invitingly at Santana and beckoning her to follow but Santana was always rooted to the spot and couldn't chase after her until Brittany disappeared from sight. She'd wake up from these dreams and curl up in a ball and cry. Gone was the warmth of Brittany's smile replaced by the cold darkness and the realization sunk in that the blond was not lying next to her. There were many days where she wished she didn't have to wake up to the fact that Brittany was not brushing the hair back from her eyes or telling her that the past week was just a bad dream.

Her parents couldn't get her to eat, or talk and would only leave her room on rare occasions. Her mother knocked on the door to her room for the fiftieth time, trying to persuade her daughter to come out.

"Mija?" Her mother whispered. "Please come out. Honey, your dad and I are worried sick about you. Come out and talk to us please." She had repeated the same exact sentence multiple times over the week and she didn't expect this particular time to work either without anything extra to add. This time, she held a letter in one hand.

"We just got a letter from Brittany's parents. They said the funeral is in three days." She waited and heard the soft sobs fade. That usually meant that Santana had exhausted herself to sleep. Just as she was about to head downstairs, Santana opened the door. Her eyes were red from crying and there were still fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Mom..." Santana's voice shook so hard it seemed like she would fall apart at any moment. Her mother fought back her own tears at seeing her daughter in such a state. She walked over and cradled Santana in her arms.

"It's ok, baby." She reassured.

"No it's not, mom. I loved her." Santana cried.

"I know baby..." Santana tore herself from her mom's embrace.

"I really loved her." Santana repeated it over and over and her mother kept whispering comforting words, knowing that they were doing little to ease the pain.

That night Santana had her first meal. It was simple, just a peanut butter sandwich and milk but it was a something. Her mother sat next to her and watched her eat. Santana had to pause several times and just cry but it would pass and she'd take another bite until she finally finished.

"Mija, take a shower. You've been stuck in your room all week." Her mother suggested and Santana mechanically got up from the table and walked upstairs. Her mother cleaned up the dishes and sighed softly to herself. It was a start.

* * *

Everyone from glee attended the funeral. There was not a single dry eye in the crowd the day they buried sunshine embodied. But there was one person who didn't attend and her absence was the most glaring thing that day. Santana was no where to be seen. Quinn looked around and texted her furiously during the entire thing, trying to figure out what possessed Santana to miss such an important day.

"Where is she?" Rachel whispered. Quinn shrugged and mouthed "I don't know."

It was around ten at night when a figure walked through the cemetery. In her hands she held a bouquet of yellow daisies, Brittany's favorite kind of flowers. Santana knelt down before the grave and put down the flowers among the others.

"Hey B..." She whispered before she broke down in quiet sobs, hand rested on the top of the grave stone.

It wasn't like Santana missed much of school. They were close to winter break anyway so Santana got through classes by counting down the minutes until she could speed off to the graveyard and sit down next to Brittany's grave. Her parents only saw her late at night when she returned, curled up in bed and fell asleep. Every week Santana brought fresh flowers, even when it snowed and covered everything. She dusted the snow off before setting the flowers down.

As it neared Christmas, Santana did something so childish that if her past self had seen her, she would've slapped her. Santana took out a sheet of paper and wrote furiously.

_Dear Santa, or God, or whatever the hell is out there._

_ Please, all I want for Christmas is Brittany back._

After writing those two lines, she pushed herself back from the desk, looked at the writing and covered her face. She was willing to try anything to bring back the feel of Brittany's hand curled around hers, or her soft kisses against her forehead when she was feeling bad. She folded the paper and went outside. She got into her car, her breath white in the air and drove to Brittany's grave. When she got there, she took the sheet of paper with the wish written down and let the strong wind take it away. She looked down at the gravestone.

"Please, please come back to me." She pleaded.

On Christmas Day, when Santana woke up, a small flicker of hope ignited when the doorbell rang and woke her up. Heart pounding, Santana threw on a bathrobe and raced downstairs. She all but flung the door open but the instant she did, her heart dropped. Standing outside, decked out in winter gear were all the members of glee.

"Merry Christmas, Santana." Rachel said before everyone launched into Christmas carols. Santana stood in the doorway, forcing a smile. She looked up at the sky and felt foolish for letting herself hope that maybe, just maybe someone had granted her wish and brought the light and color back into her life.

"Merry Christmas, B." She whispered so softly no one could hear

When school started back up, everyone could tell that Santana had changed, perhaps permanently. She was colder, meaner and more ruthless without Brittany. Sue Sylvester didn't mind. She saw a bit of herself in Santana with her blatant disregard for the well being of her teammates and her sudden obsession with perfection.

This carried over to glee where she berated anyone who messed up during the numbers. At first, her fellow glee members let it slide, knowing exactly how hurt she was and that this was her coping mechanism. But after a few weeks they were fed up with Santana taking her anger out on everyone. When Kurt stumbled over Santana, she immediately turned on him with all the wrath of an irritated snake.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you fucking fairy?" She snapped. Kurt had enough.

"For the love of all things good, Santana, shut the fuck up! Everyone here has lost her. Don't think that just because you were in love with her that it entitles you to blow up at everyone else! You need to do what we've all started doing a month ago and fucking get over her!" The instant he finished, he clapped a hand over his mouth. Everyone went silent and Mr. Schuester moved towards the two of them, ready to intervene in the murder of a one Kurt Hummel. Santana clenched her teeth and hands and she literally shook with rage. Tears streamed from her eyes as she glared at Kurt with all the hate she could muster. If there was one thing the school learned was not to mention Brittany at all around Santana. The boys in the room stood up, also ready to stop the impending attack. Santana walked over to Kurt and the boys moved in closer.

"Santana..." Mr. Schuester warned. Santana stared into Kurt's frightened eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. Santana was trembling so hard and she lifted her hand to slap him.

"Fuck you." She hissed and walked out of the choir room. The instant she walked by, Kurt sat down, visibly affected by the incident just then.

"I shouldn't have said anything." He muttered over and over again.

"You need to apologize to her." Mercedes said and Kurt nodded. He spent the next several hours coming up with a suitable apology for what he just did to her. He went to school the next day and waited by Santana's locker. When she didn't show up that day, he waited until the next day. But as the days passed, it became apparent that Santana was not coming back.

* * *

The night after Kurt had all but torn out her heart, Santana lay in her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. She held a lumpy, misshapen duck against her chest and didn't move for hours. When she did, it was a mere glance down at the stuffed animal.

_"I want to see the sunrise!"_ The image of Brittany's smiling face flashed through Santana's head. _"I want to see it over the ocean." _Santana sat up and looked at the duck. Without thinking too much, she got off the bed and slipped into her shoes. She went out to the car and got in. She put the duck in the passenger seat and pulled out of her driveway. She started driving and in a few minutes, she was at the edge of town. She drove until she saw the sign that said "Welcome to New York." She suddenly felt sick and pulled over, resting her head on the wheel.

It suddenly dawned on her that if they never went on that road trip, maybe Brittany wouldn't have died. She never would have proposed. She wouldn't have dropped the ring in the pool because those rings wouldn't have been there in the first place. Santana got out of the car and threw up on the side of the road. She walked back to the car. If she had been more firm about going to cheerleading camp, Brittany would be alive. These thoughts raced through her head and she hit her head against the car door.

Brittany would still be alive if Santana had done any of these things and Santana could think of a million.

"B...B I can't do this without you." Santana cried. She sat against he car until she calmed down. When she felt like she could move again, she stood up and got back into the car and kept going. She hardly remembered the rest of the drive. One hour blended into the next and by eight, she found herself pulling up to the shore. The sun was barely rising.

"It's just as pretty as I remember it, B." Santana whispered, getting out of the car. She climbed on the roof and let the warmth of the first rays hit her face. She pulled her knees up to her chest and exhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and pretended that Brittany was leaning up against her, keeping her warm in the cold February morning.

"I'm coming B." She jumped off the hood of her car and began walking towards the morning sun.

It would be fitting, really if she drowned herself. Fairly painless too since she knew that the cold water would put her in shock and then drown her. And then she could finally be with Brittany. She had contemplated suicide before but she never had the energy. But now, with the sunrise and the beach, it never seemed like a better idea. She walked towards the rolling waves and closed her eyes.

Just as her feet hit the sand, she heard barking from behind her.

"Santana?" She turned around. Katie stood beside her car, staring wide eyed at the girl. Her resemblance to Brittany broke all the resolve Santana had and she broke down in violent sobs. Katie was cradling her close in seconds.

"I miss her. I miss her." Santana sobbed. Katie just held the girl tightly. Her heart broke for this brunette. She was so small and frail in her arms and she could tell that Santana could fall apart at any moment. Katie held her as if she were the only thing keeping the trembling girl together.


	5. Cape Cod, MA, Memories II

Author's note: Clarification purposes – These chapter in Cape Cod take place in Massachusetts, not New York.

While Brittany played with the dogs outside, Santana stayed inside and looked around the house. It was lightly decorated, mostly with copies of modern art painting and sculptures. There was a fireplace and sitting on the mantle were several pictures. There were pictures of Katie and another woman, a head shorter than her and Santana assumed that she was the other aunt. Katie saw Santana looking at the pictures and walked over.

"That's Trisha." She stated, pointing to a photo of the two women in a white dress. It was a wedding picture.

"Oh." Santana replied. "How long have you two been married?"

"Hmm, about three years, I guess. We moved out here about five years ago."

"Where were you before?" Katie laughed lightly.

"I suppose you really don't remember me." Santana cocked her head to the side. "When I said 'it was nice to finally meet you', that wasn't entirely true. We'd met before, it was just a very long time ago. I used to live in Lima! I taught dance class at McKinley High." Santana shook her head.

"I was too young, I guess."

"Maybe. I remember seeing you and Brittany together waiting for the bus when I went to work in the morning. You two were so adorable back then, she'd bring a pop tart and you two would break it and share it." Santana turned red at the embarrassing memory. She instead turned her attention to the pictures again. On the far right, there was a photo of a young Brittany in a silver leotard jumping in the air in what appeared to be a dance competition.

"Did you teach Brittany to dance?" Santana asked, moving closer to the picture.

"For the first few years. As soon as she hit eight, I swear she was better than me." Katie said, looking fondly at the picture. "That was her first competition. She won it hands down." Santana couldn't stop staring at the picture. It was there, the look of concentration that Santana knew all too well. It was a look Brittany only got when she danced and it made Santana breathless every single time.

"San!" Brittany burst through the door, scaring both of them. "I totally forgot!" She rushed over to the brunette's side and grabbed her hand. She dragged her upstairs into the bed room and started rifling through her suitcase.

"Did you forget something?" Santana asked. Brittany finally found what she was looking for and presented it to Santana.

"Here! I made it for you!" She announced. Santana looked down. It appeared to be a duck but there was hardly any resemblance to the animal. It looked like an impressionist's take. The bill was uneven and looked lopsided. The head and body were lumpy, probably the result of too much stuffing in some areas and too little stuffing in others. She could see the stitches that held the eyes in place too.

"Um...B...it's hideous." She said, trying to fight a laugh. Brittany pouted.

"Hey! I worked really, really hard on it!" She frowned and crossed her arms. Santana couldn't stop herself from bursting out into laughter.

"I'm sorry, B. I had a hard time recognizing what it was!" Brittany's eyebrows knit together even more and Santana hugged her. "I love it. It's...adorable." The blond brightened instantly.

"Yay!" She said, hugging her back.

"But what's the occasion?" Santana asked.

"Well, I made it in home ec. They made us sew something and I picked out the duck pattern! You should name it, San." Santana looked down at the stuffed animal.

"Yeah, I'm definitely naming it Picasso." She responded. Brittany grabbed a pillow and hit Santana over the head.

"You're mean! Mean, mean, mean!" She said. Santana cried out in shock and grabbed the other pillow and fought back.

"Oh you are so getting it!" Downstairs, Katie grinned when she heard the shouts of laughter and decided it was probably best not to interrupt.

After Santana and Brittany got settled down, the two took a short nap on the bed. Somehow, Santana had fallen asleep with her head on Brittany's stomach. When Katie walked upstairs to check on them, she couldn't help but smile at the sight. She quietly went into her room and got her camera, stealthily taking a picture of the moment. Just as she finished taking the photo, she heard the door open.

"I'm home!" A voice shouted from below. The noise caused the two sleeping girls to wake up.

"Mmm?" Brittany mumbled as Santana sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Is Aunt Trisha home?"

"You two can keep sleeping if you want." Katie said. "I'll wake you when dinner's ready." Santana yawned and stood up.

"No thanks." She replied. Brittany ran her fingers through her hair.

"Hey, babe." A brunette came up the stairs and kissed Katie on the cheek. She turned and saw Brittany and Santana in the room.

"Brit!" She exclaimed. "When did you get here?"

"Couple of hours ago." Brittany replied, hugging the other woman.

"It's good to see you." She said. Her smile dropped when she saw Santana.

"Hi." Santana said, waving.

"Hi..." Trisha cast a wary glance at the girl and looked her up and down. Santana didn't know why but she felt like she was being judged on the spot.

"I'm Santana, Brittany's friend." She stuck out her hand and Trisha awkwardly shook it.

"Trisha. I'm Brittany's other aunt."

"Be nice." Katie whispered into Trisha's ear. "Well, if either of you want to come help out in the kitchen, I'd love for someone to make the pasta." Brittany raised her hand.

"Santana and I will do it!" She said, grabbing Santana's hand. Santana jerked forward as Brittany jogged out of the room with her in tow. Trisha followed the two with her eyes but said nothing until they were out of earshot.

"I don't like her." She said immediately.

"Trish!" Katie exclaimed.

"What? I just...I get this feeling that girl's not a good influence on Brittany!"

"Oh please." Katie said, rolling her eyes. "You've said that about any friend that Brittany's had since she was ten! You're probably the most overprotective woman I've ever met." Trisha frowned but didn't refute the statement. The two of them held hands and walked back downstairs just in time to catch Brittany brushing the hair back from Santana's eyes. Santana smiled at Brittany sweetly and linked pinkies with her. Trisha bristled. She definitely didn't like her.

* * *

Santana felt rather awkward sitting at the dinner table listening to Brittany chat with her aunt excitedly about things that she either didn't know or would rather have not known about. Santana's look of confusion and slight distress was mirrored by Katie's wife who looked like she dealt with this a lot.

"So, Santana, tell me about yourself." Katie said. Santana braced herself. Here comes the interrogation.

"I mean, there's not much to tell." She said modestly. "I'm in the same grade as Brittany, I'm on the Cheerios."

"And glee!" Brittany added. Santana rolled her eyes.

"And glee. But yeah, that's it."

"She's also super smart!" Brittany piped up. Santana cast a doubtful look at the smiling blond.

"B, I'm not that smart."

"Yes you are!" Trisha raised an eyebrow, the interaction between the two not escaping her observation. She lifted her glass to take a drink of water.

"Any plans for college? You two are both going to be seniors." Santana shrugged.

"Where ever Brittany goes, I guess." Katie's wife, Trisha, choked on her water.

"Be careful, honey." Katie warned. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I dunno, something powerful; lawyer, banker, CEO. Something like that." Santana replied. Trisha stared opened mouth in disbelief at her wife, her eyebrows knit together. Katie ignored her and patted her knee from under the table.

"But B wants to be a dancer." She stated.

"Yeah, but I can find a nearby college or something." Santana said, cutting the piece of broccoli on her plate. She didn't notice the knowing smile shared between Brittany and Katie.

Later, when Brittany dragged Santana outside, Katie watched the two fondly from the porch.

"You do know your niece is about as gay as you, right?" Trisha asked, walking up behind her.

"I didn't tell you?" Katie said absently.

"No, no you didn't." Trisha replied, slightly surprised.

"Sorry, sweetie. I knew since she came to me saying she wanted to learn all the lead parts in dancing so that she could dance with the pretty girls." Trisha wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Then do you also know that those two are more than just good friends?"

"Yup. Apparently they sleep together every now and then."

"Are they dating?" Outside, Brittany let out a squeal when Santana splashed her with cold water.

"Nope. Santana's still 'straight'. According to B, that is."

"The girl is a power lesbian in training." Trisha stated bluntly. "And she's so in love with your niece I have half a mind to slap some sense into her. Did you see the way she cast longing sideways glances at Brittany?" Katie nodded.

"Obvious, huh?"

"God, she's like me. Literally, it's like watching me from twelve years ago. And I swear to God that if she hurts Brittany..." Trisha said disgusted by the idea. Katie turned and kissed her wife.

"You worry too much." Katie said, lightly hitting her on the shoulder. "But you're right, they're like mini versions of us. Except they probably get it on more than we do." Trisha cocked an eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh really?"

* * *

"Brittany, it's freezing! Can we go back inside? You know, where there is a friggin heater?"

"I like it!" Brittany shouted over the strong wind. Santana folded her arms, wind whipping wildly. Brittany walked over to the water and let the waves splash her bare feet. Santana followed her and jumped back a little when the water licked at her toes.

"B! I'm freezing!" Santana complained. Brittany looked over her shoulder at the brunette. She walked over and wrapped her arms around Santana and kissed her on the lips. Santana, surprised by the action, dropped her arms for a second before bringing them up to cup the blond's face. She closed her eyes and deepened the kiss and everything else vanished for a second. She no longer felt the cold water now lapping at her ankles, she couldn't feel the wind against her bare skin. All she could feel was the gentle strokes of Brittany's tongue against her own and the taste of her lip gloss and the smell of the ocean in Brittany's hair as it blew against her cheek. Brittany pulled away and looked at the other girl with eyes full of adoration.

"Better?" She asked. Santana gulped down large quantities of oxygen after the kiss. The tingling started in her fingertips and spread everywhere. Her heart pounded hard against her chest and she felt her cheeks grow hot. She reached down and flung water at Brittany who shrieked and ran away.

"Cool off!" Santana laughed, hiding the blush on her face. Brittany couldn't stop grinning. Santana threw a coy look over her shoulder as she turned around and the it sent Brittany's heart fluttering. Maybe this was the perfect time to tell Santana.

"San?" She yelled.

"Yeah?"

"I love -" A particularly strong gust of wind carried the words away.

"Jesus!" Santana swore. "I'm going back inside, B!" She started walking back towards the house and Brittany's shoulders dropped and her smile disappeared. She had been so close to confessing her feelings for the brunette.

"I have time." She promised. "I'll tell her before we go home." She ran after Santana who was already halfway up the hill to the house.

When they walked into porch, Santana rubbed her arms and yawned.

"I'm tired, B. I'm going to bed." She stated. Brittany nodded and followed her up the stairs. They brushed their teeth and changed. When Santana took off her shirt, Brittany couldn't help but steal glances. It wasn't anything she hadn't seen before but she liked watching the way the muscles in Santana's back rippled with every movement. Brittany walked over and planted a kiss on Santana's left shoulder right over a scar that Santana had gotten from a bike accident when the two were just kids. The second her lips made contact with Santana's skin, Santana jumped in surprise.

"B! You scared me! What's gotten into you?" She demanded.

"Nothing!" Brittany said, jumping in bed and pulling the covers over her head. Santana watched the lump and sighed. She got in bed next to her and waited on her back. Sure enough, just like all the other nights that they slept in the same bed, Brittany rolled over in her sleep and put her head on Santana's collarbone while encircling and arm and leg over Santana's chest and hip. Santana let her arm snake under Brittany and around until her hand rested on the blond's shoulder and she pulled her close. It was warm like nothing Santana knew and she slept better these nights than any other.


	6. Cape Cod, 5 years Ago II

Author's note: I love reviews! Thanks to everyone who has left a comment.

Santana collapsed on Katie's couch from exhaustion. Katie got a blanket from the guest bedroom and covered her. The next thing she did once she checked to make sure that Santana was alright was to call up her brother.

"Hey big bro." She said. "Santana's here. What? No, I just found her outside, she didn't call me or anything. I don't know. Oh my god her parents must be worried to death. She must've driven all night." She cast a glance over at she sleeping girl. "She's fine. She's sleeping on the couch, poor thing. She probably drove all night, I mean, we're at least ten hours away. I just have small favor to ask. Could you keep this a secret between us? Yeah, I know her parents are worried sick but...just for now at least until Santana calms down a little. I know, I'll take full responsibility if this goes to shit. Yes. I'll take care of her, big bro, don't worry." When she hung up and walked back into the living room, Trisha was there watching Santana with concern.

"How is she?" Katie asked.

"Tired, mostly." Trisha replied. "God, I can't imagine what she must be going through." Katie nodded. She sat down next to Trisha and stroked Santana's hair.

"How are you?" Trisha asked.

"Healing. I'm doing much better than this one at any rate."

"She was your favorite niece." Trisha whispered.

"Yes, she was." Katie replied, looking at the picture on the mantle. Trisha took her hand.

"What do we do about her?" Trisha asked.

"She can stay here as long as she needs." Katie replied.

"You know we can't do that. She needs to be with her parents right now."

"I told my bro not to mention it to them." Trisha stood up and stared at her wife in shock. She pulled her hand away violently.

"You did what?" Trisha demanded. Katie looked at her seriously, putting a finger to her lips to silence her. She walked upstairs into the master bedroom with Trisha in tow.

"Look, this poor girl shows up out of nowhere and cries in my arms for an hour. She just lost her best friend, possibly more than that from what B told me. She didn't tell her parents where she was going so that must mean that she needs time away from all of that."

"They are her _parents_, Katie. This isn't a game." Trisha shouted. "She ran away from home and I am _not_ letting her parents go without knowing where she is." She grabbed the phone next to the bed stand and hit redial.

"Trisha!" Katie yelled, grabbing at the phone.

"You need to grow up." Trisha hissed. "Yes, Santana lost her but I am not going to stand by and watch like this." The voice on the other end of the line answered. "Hey, dear brother-in-law. I know my sister just called you but could you make sure that Santana's parents know where she is? Ok, yeah, I know what she said but hell if you don't tell her parents. Yeah, ok, bye." She hung up. Katie stood with her hands clenched and her jaw slack in disbelief. The two of them stared at each other, neither one of them backing down. Katie closed her eyes.

"I need you to go to work right now." She said slowly.

"Are you kicking me out?" Trisha demanded.

"No. I just need you to go to work right now so that I don't say those words." Katie replied, keeping her eyes closed. She felt that if she looked at her wife, that she would tell her that she needed to pack up and leave for a few days. Trisha looked away, hurt.

"Fine." She said and walked past her. On her way out, Trisha cast one last glance at Santana, feeling both a mix of hate and pity for the slumbering girl. She slammed the door which woke Santana up. Katie walked down the stairs, rubbing her temples.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. Santana pulled the blanket closer and looked around, recalling the previous night. She sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch. "Do you want anything to eat?" Santana shook her head. "Ok. Do you want me to sit with you?" The girl looked at the ceiling and nodded slightly. Katie took a seat next to her and held her hand. Santana breathed in deeply.

"I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare but it never ends." Santana whispered.

"San, I need to tell you. Trish told your parents that you were here." Santana closed her eyes.

"I figured you'd do something like that." She said.

"I didn't. Trish did." Santana shrugged.

"I count you two as the same people." Katie smiled a little. Santana would always be Santana. But this girl in front of her was so much more tired. It was almost like she had given up on everything and, as Katie figured, that was a dangerous state of mind to be in. Santana glanced over at the mantle where the picture of Brittany stood as it had before. A few tears leaked out from her eyes but all in all, Santana felt like she had cried enough for two lifetimes.

"I really, really loved her." Santana admitted. Katie looked at her, taking in the way her eyes shone dully in the morning sun and the forlorn gaze she was giving the pictures. She put an arm around Santana and pulled her close.

"I know." Katie replied. "Not a day goes by that I don't think about her."

"I wanted all of that." Santana said, jerking her head towards the pictures of Katie and Trisha. "I want to take silly couple photos with her. I wanted to have our own mantle to put them on. I wanted...I wanted to see Brittany in a white dress." She buried her face into the crook of Katie's neck and her chest heaved. Katie rubbed Santana's arms.

"I'm sorry."

"She proposed you know." Katie stopped what she was doing, taken aback. "Every day I think...I think what if I didn't accept? What if I had made her go to cheerleading camp? What if I didn't agree to go to California? What if..." Santana's voice cracked and she swallowed hard. "I feel like I killed her." Katie's eyes widened at the confession. She knew that Brittany was in love with Santana but she didn't expect this.

"Oh honey..." Katie held her even tighter. "It was an accident."

"She dove in after the ring." Santana choked on the words. "It was so stupid...it was more of a promise ring. She got them off a street vendor, why didn't she just come get me? Why did I let her get drunk? Why didn't I stay with her?" All of Santana's guilt poured out at once.

"Stop that." Katie snapped. "You can't blame yourself for this. Brittany's death was not your fault."

"I know that. You don't think I try to tell myself that just to get to sleep?" Santana hissed. "But every second I think about it and what I could've done. Every second I think about her smiling and laughing and it doesn't go away." Katie cradled the girl's head and wished on everything she could think of for those thoughts to go away. Brittany's death broke Santana's heart but it was all of the "what ifs" that were going to shatter her.

* * *

Santana's parents arrived late at night. When they rang the doorbell, Katie answered. The two looked disheveled, understandable since their depressed teenage daughter had run off to who knows where in the middle of the night. Katie pointed to the back and they walked out onto the porch. Santana was sitting near the edge of the water just close enough to let the water touch her feet. Her mother and father ran over to her and she stood up and let them embrace her. Her mother was crying and her father held the two together.

"I'm sorry." Santana mumbled. Katie watched the reunion for a few seconds before going back inside. She heard another car pull into the driveway and looked out the window. She saw Trisha getting out of the car but instead of going in like she would normally, she stood in the driveway and the two stared at each other. Katie went outside. She walked until she was about three feet away.

"Hey." Katie said. Trisha just nodded in response. "How was work?"

"Three emergencies. An all time new low record." Trisha replied. "Although maybe the most bizarre given that one of them involved a man literally stuck inside the tubing of a kiddy pool." Neither of them smiled despite the lightness of her statement.

"They were in love." Katie blurted. Trisha bit her lip.

"I know." She replied.

"Her parents are here. They're out back right now."

"Ok." A strained silence passed between them.

"I'm sorry." Both of them said at once and they were both hugging before any of them knew what had happened.

When everyone was reunited, the five of them sat around the dinner table quietly. Santana's mother clutched Santana's hand tightly, fearing that her daughter would run away again if she let go.

"Thank you for taking care of her." Her father said.

"It's not a problem. She's like family." Katie responded. "You can stay the night if you want to, Trisha and I can always sleep on the couches." Her mother nodded appreciatively.

"Thank you. We'll be out of your hair first thing in the morning."

"I don't want to go back." Santana said softly but firmly. Everyone turned to look at her.

"Mija..."

"I don't want to go back." Her voice was stronger this time around. "I don't want to go back and have to deal with everyone pitying me. I want to stay away from Lima for a little while." Her shoulders dropped. "Please don't make me go back there."

"Where do you think you're going to stay?" Her father demanded. "And school..."

"She can stay with us." Trisha blurted out of nowhere. Katie's head whipped around in shock as she looked at her quickly blushing wife. Trisha had never been particularly fond of Santana due in part to her closeness to her favorite niece-in-law so her outburst came as a surprise. Santana looked at her with the same expression.

"We can't burden you." Her mother protested.

"It's not a burden." Katie pressed. "And if you're worried about school...I work at the nearby high school. I can pull some strings, get her credits transferred. She could complete it here if she wants to." It shocked Katie just how far she was willing to go for a girl she knew mostly through someone else. "Like I said," she glanced at the ring on Santana's finger. "She's like family."

"We can't..." Her father began.

"Dad, please." Santana's voice had gotten quiet again but there was something there that made him hesitate.

"You think that this will make everything better?" Her father asked.

"I just know I can't be in Lima." Santana replied. Her father stood up and noticed the box of cigarettes sitting next to the microwave. He pointed at them.

"Do you mind?" He asked. Trisha, the owner of said box, shook her head. He grabbed one and lit it in the house. Santana's mother looked at him with judging eyes.

"Mija, Santana," Her father began. "Be honest with me. Do you really think that running away is going to help?"

"I don't know, daddy." She said. "But I can't go back there. Not now." Her father took one long drag from the cigarette.

"I'm going to bed." He announced. "Thank you again for your hospitality and for taking care of her. We owe you more than you know."

"But honey..." Her mother started to say.

"In the morning." He cut in. Trisha stood up and led him upstairs to the master bedroom. A few minutes passed before Santana's mother followed him up the stairs. Katie and Santana sat at the table, neither of them sure what to say. Santana would've felt embarrassed to be asking so much from someone she barely knew but the truth she didn't have the energy to care.

"Thank you." Santana said.

"I mean it, Santana." Katie pushed herself away from the table. "I know we don't know each other that well but you are most certainly welcome to stay here for as long as you need." Santana felt herself start tearing up. She forced a smile. Katie stood up and as she walked by, she put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. Santana sat alone in the dining room, thinking about her decision

_"You're being silly."_ She imagined Brittany to say.

_"I know."_ She would reply. _"But I need you. And I need to do this."_ In her head, she could hear Brittany's laugh clearly. She would've laughed at the situation and told her to snap out of it. The image made Santana tired again and she wanted to sleep. She got up, turned off the lights and went upstairs, passing Katie and Trisha as they went downstairs. She opened the door to the guest room and she could almost make out the silhouette of a blond reclining on the bed. When she blinked, the image was gone. It was a room filled with memories of the two. There was an imprint on the sheets where Brittany sat and no one had bothered to smooth over. She remembered the imprint because it was one of those small moments – Brittany leaning down to put on her pink and white socks the day they left the house – that stuck out for no apparent reason. It was an ordinary task but Santana remembered seeing the sunlight glint off of Brittany's hair and light up her slightly hooded eyes as she looked up and sleepily smiled. Back then, Santana wondered how she hadn't noticed it before but Brittany rolled up her socks before she pulled them on. It was just one of those small, almost trivial moments but Santana remembered it.

She walked over to the bed and touched the spot where Brittany had once sat. She didn't want to crawl in bed and mess it up but even though her fingers lightly stroked the fabric, the shape changed and it was no longer as the two of them had left it. The memory vanished from Santana's mind. She got in under the covers but she left a space where Brittany had slept. She leaned over onto the other pillow and she was enveloped in a scent that was clearly Brittany's. It had been almost a year and there were still traces of it. Santana buried her face into the pillow and drew the covers tightly over her head. She almost felt like she could reach over and touch the blond and a sense of safety washed over her. Santana drifted off to sleep.


	7. Cape Cod, MA, Memories III

Author's note: Keep the reviews coming and I'll keep the updates constant.

* * *

_Cape Cod, MA, Summer 5 Years Ago_

Santana blinked. She was fully aware of the body pressed against hers. What she wasn't aware of was how it had gotten to the point where Brittany was completely naked. She looked under the covers at herself and wondered how exactly Brittany was unclothed while she remained fully so. She racked her brain trying to remember what happened.

The first thing that she remembered was that staying "a few days" had somehow turned into "staying two weeks." They were well on their 12th day in Cape Cod. How Santana had let it go on for so long, she wasn't sure either. She remembered going into town everyday and exploring the street shops and visiting the pier. She remembered how one time Brittany clambered onto a wall and forgot how to come down. There were also trips to Boston and Cambridge and wandering for hours at a time.

She recalled those event filled days and the quiet nights as they drove back to the house. Brittany was usually exhausted by the end of the day and would fall asleep in the car. Santana liked the drive home. When they got home, Santana usually gently shook Brittany awake and the blond would mumble something incoherent, march upstairs and fall asleep curled up on Santana.

But somehow the night previous was different. She tried to remember what had happened but only hazy images came to mind. Katie and Trisha had gone off to a friend's baby shower, leaving the two girls to themselves for a night. Like good teenagers, they snuck into the liquor cabinet and stole two bottles of wine.

Santana cooked that night but Brittany helped by cutting up vegetables for the side dish. The blond kept stealing glances over at Santana's concentrated face. While she was doing that, she forgot that she was still cutting things and nicked her hand.

"OW!" She yelped. Santana looked over to see Brittany clamping her mouth over the cut.

"B!" She exclaimed, putting the lid on the pan and rushing over.

"I'm ok." Brittany reassured, using her other hand to rummage through the drawers looking for bandaids. When she found one, Santana took it and put it on.

"Be careful, ok?" Santana said.

"Do I get a kiss?" Brittany asked hopefully.

"I am not rewarding clumsy behavior." Santana retorted, taking over the task of cutting the onion. Brittany smiled. This was definitely something she could get used to. She watched Santana carefully cut the onion into small chunks. The house was empty except for them, they were cooking dinner together and it was almost like they were...

Brittany shook her head and instead wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and pressed herself against the brunette's back.

"B!" Santana shouted in surprised. "Sharp implement!"

"This is nice, isn't it?" Brittany asked.

"What is?"

"This. You cooking, us having the house together. I like it."

"Yeah, yeah. B, knife!" Brittany let go. Santana rolled her eyes.

"You've been really touchy-feely lately. Are you hormonal?" Santana demanded. Brittany bit her lip. Her heart was pounding and she opened her mouth to say those three words.

"San, I..." Suddenly the smell of burning filled the room.

"Shit!" Santana cursed, running over to the fish still sitting in the frying pan. Brittany frowned and sat down at the table. It seemed like the world was conspiring against her. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get the chance again.

The two ate their dinner on the couch and shared two bottles of wine. They sat watching old movies when they finished eating and with each glass, got more cuddly. By the end of the second bottle, Santana was spooning Brittany.

Brittany rolled over and topped a surprised Santana. She pressed her lips against the other girl's and whispered, "I'm drunk." Santana was equally intoxicated so she eagerly accepted the kiss. The two made out on the couch for a while, tasting the alcohol on the other's tongue. This went on for several minutes before Santana growled and flipped them. She sucked on Brittany's neck, leaving unmistakable marks on her pale skin. Brittany let out a small gasp when Santana suddenly decided that now was not the time for clothes.

"San..." Brittany whispered urgently. Santana looked at her. "Not here." The brunette cocked an eyebrow. Contrary to most people's belief (namely Puck), the two of them had only ever had sex four times. The first time happened during a sleepover and it had magically progressed from making out to that point. The second time happened at camp after their freshman year and the third and fourth were instances when Santana went over to Brittany's house specifically for that purpose. Brittany had been all too eager all four times.

"You don't want to?" Santana asked, confused.

"Not on my aunt's couch!" Brittany clarified. Santana grabbed Brittany's shirt and dragged her upstairs. The minute they entered the guest bedroom, Santana was practically ripping the clothes off of her. Brittany let her do whatever she wanted. Santana threw Brittany back onto the bed and straddled her. They kissed fiercely and Santana bit down on Brittany's lip. When Santana reached down under Brittany's underwear and touched her gently, Brittany felt the words escape her mouth before she could rein them in.

"I love you." She whispered. Santana froze, her eyes searching Brittany's face.

"What?" She demanded. Brittany was scared, she didn't mean to say that, not now. She pulled her into another kiss.

"I'm drunk." She said against Santana's lips. "I'm drunk, I love you and I need you to move your hand, please." Santana's brain couldn't comprehend the "l" words and so she just shut off all higher thought processes and concentrated on making Brittany scream.

* * *

The following morning was a completely different story, however. Santana's hung over brain could once again compute the meaning of the words. When she strung the words "I", "love", and "you" together, her heart dropped.

This was exactly what she dreaded. She figured something was up with Brittany the past week but refused to believe that it was what she thought it was. There was no denying what happened and what was said last night, however. She had tried to avoid this. This was precisely why she normally tried to make light of their kisses or talked about boys all the time. She didn't want Brittany to fall in love with her. Before they first kissed, Santana had these visions of marrying rich, living comfortably and getting her dream job. This image fell apart the instant their lips touched. Suddenly all the power, money and comfort was replaced by crazy, stupid ideas of following Brittany to the end of the world.

For Santana, that notion of throwing caution to the wind was unacceptable and frightening. Control was a must in Santana's life and love was the very apex of losing control. So to protect herself and Brittany from making equally bad decisions, she tried to ignore and dissuade anything more than friends with benefits.

_It had to be this place_, Santana thought._ The ocean is getting to me. It's being around Brittany's aunts._ It had to be that because, heaven forbid, they were happy and that was a rarity in Santana's mind.

Santana lifted Brittany up and placed her on the pillow. Even though she was being careful, Brittany stirred and woke up.

"San?" She mumbled, sitting up.

"Go back to sleep, Brittany." Santana said.

"Mm, I want breakfast." She looked at the clock. It was 10:00. She scooted out of bed and started pulling the covers back into place. Santana wanted to confront her, to ask if it was simply a drunk exclamation. She stood in the doorway while Brittany got dressed. Brittany smiled at Santana and the brunette found her heart start to ache in an all too dangerous way.

_She rolls up her socks..._

_ God, she's beautiful._

_ Shit._

"I'll get breakfast started, ok?" Santana hastily exited the room. She went downstairs and started scrambling eggs. She jumped when Brittany's arms encircled her waist and the blond pressed her lips against the back of Santana's neck, making the hairs stand up on end.

"Stop that, B." Santana said. Brittany pulled away.

"What's wrong, San?"

"Nothing, just stop." Brittany folded her arms and clenched her teeth.

"Is this about last night? Is this about what I said?"

"B, you were drunk. You didn't mean it." Santana's words stung her harshly and she physically flinched.

"San..."

"We're leaving today." Santana said.

"What?"

"Cheerleading camp starts in three days. We've stayed here way too long." Santana replied.

"San, that's not fair."

"B, I only promised to stay here a few days, we've been here for nearly two weeks!" She snapped. The front door opened.

"We're home!" Katie said. "Something smells good." When she walked in, she instantly found the atmosphere tense.

"Everything ok?" Trisha walked in.

"Yeah. Um...we kinda forgot that we had cheerleading camp in three days." Brittany replied bitterly.

"Wait, what?" Katie stared at the two of them. What the hell had transpired while they were gone?

"Sorry, Aunt K, Aunt T. We've got to go home." Brittany turned on her heel and went upstairs. Katie followed her while Trisha sat down and glared at Santana. Santana scooped out the eggs and started eating even though she felt sick to her stomach.

"Santana." It was one of the few times Trisha had directly addressed her. "Let's get this straight, ok?"

"Poor choice of words." Santana said curtly.

"There are two blonds in this world that mean everything to me. You hurt either of them and you'll regret it." Santana said nothing.

* * *

Katie chased Brittany up the stairs where Brittany began flinging clothes into her dufflebags.

"What's going on? Why are you suddenly leaving?"

"Cheerleading camp." Brittany replied.

"What happened?" Katie grabbed her arm. Brittany all but dove into her embrace.

"I told her." She mumbled.

"Oh B..." Katie sighed.

"And K, I know she loves me. Why can't she just accept it?" Brittany asked.

"She's scared, baby, it's obvious."

"But I'm not scary!" Brittany insisted..

"The situation is, B. Give it time." Brittany threw her hands into the air.

"I don't want to. I don't want to wait anymore." Brittany looked at the duck sitting near Santana's bag. She wondered why she had gone through all the trouble in the first place.

* * *

As soon as Brittany was done packing, Santana went upstairs to gather her things. By three, the two were ready to go.

"Come visit again." Katie said, giving Brittany a big hug. When Trisha said good by, she added quietly, "without the loser." Katie gave Santana a hug too.

"You too, you hear? Any friend of Baby B's is welcome here." Trisha rolled her eyes.

Santana found the silence unbearable. Brittany refused to look at her or say anything so Santana mostly focused on driving. They raced the sun but at around eight, it started to get dark. They had driven half way back home and Santana was getting sick and tired of the silence.

"Damn it, B, say something!" Santana snapped but Brittany ignored her. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry that it had to be like this but I just _can't_ love you."

"Can't?" Brittany's voice was filled with anger.

"Yes, B, can't." Brittany whirled on her.

"I love you!" She shouted. "And I know you feel the same! Why do you always have to play pretend? You pretend to be mean, you pretend to like boys and you pretend that we're just friends. I'm really, really sick of playing."

"Brittany, you have no idea..."

"No, I don't. I'm sorry I'm so stupid." Santana opened her mouth to shout back when the car made a popping noise. Black smoke streamed from the hood of the car. Slowly but surely, the car came to a stop on the side of the road.


	8. Cape Cod, MA, 5 Years Ago III

_Cape Cod, 5 Years Ago Part III_

That next morning found the five at the table again. Santana woke up for the first time without crying. Katie and Trisha poured coffee for all of them. Santana picked up her up and drank the hot liquid, savoring the bitterness. For the longest time, no one said anything. The silence was broken by Santana's father, who cleared his throat out before he spoke.

"We would be happy to reimburse you for everything." It took a moment for Santana's brain to register what he had just said. Katie, Trisha and even Santana's mother blinked in surprise.

"Dad?" Santana whispered. He ran his hand through down his bearded chin. His eyes were dark, probably from tossing and turning all night thinking about the decision.

"We would pay you for tuition fees, book fees, room and board, anything expenses you can think of. And we would owe you more than we could ever pay. I cannot begin to describe the debt we'd owe you for this. And mija, I expect you to call at least once a week." Santana hung her head. Some small part of her felt slightly embarrassed by it all

"Are you sure?" Katie asked.

"That's up to Santana." Her father replied. Everyone looked at Santana. She swallowed and nodded solemnly.

So that was that. Santana moved in with Katie and Trisha. Her parents left early in the morning and not a few days passed when a few boxes with Santana's belonging arrived at the front door. Santana quickly made herself as useful as possible, doing household chores when she had even a second. Trisha and Katie never really had the time to do so and had previously hired a maid. When Santana moved it, they found it no longer necessary and canceled the service.

There was no getting past the initial awkwardness in the household. Trisha was still slightly unsettled by the brunette's presence but she made the effort to welcome her. Katie on the other hand accepted Santana fully into their home. She invited Santana to cook with her, to watch movies with the two of them and even invited her to some of the parties they held for friends. Santana politely participated in any activity that they suggested and she found herself enjoying their company.

One night, Katie knocked on her door just as Santana was getting ready for bed. The older woman sat down on her bed, her hand lightly holding something.

"I found these as I was developing some old film." Katie said. Santana didn't want to comment on how old fashioned it was to still be developing film but from the pictures on the walls, it seemed to be a hobby of the woman's.

"Really? What is it?" Santana sat down next to her, trying to catch a glance. Katie withdrew her hand.

"I was waiting for a time when you were ready. I'm not sure if you're ready for it." Katie replied and instantly Santana knew it was something to do with Brittany. Santana took a deep breath, prepared for whatever it was that the picture showed.

"I'll be ok." Santana replied. She instinctively touched the silver ring on her hand for comfort. She steadied herself as Katie showed her the photo.

It was a photo of the two of them sleeping and Santana remembered the moment.

"I took it because I thought you two were just the cutest things ever. I'm sorry if this..." Santana cut her off and took the photo out of her hands.

"No." She reassured her. "No, it's fine." The two of the looked at the photo for a short while before Santana felt her throat start closing up again.

"Um...Katie..." She whispered. "I just need some time."

"Of course." Katie stood up and walked out into the hallway, closing the door gently. Santana wept silently, wiping the tears as they came but pretty soon she was crying onto her arms. She held the photo against her chest and let the sobs overcome her body.

It wasn't particularly hard to assimilate into her new school. It was so much bigger than McKinley that everyone assumed she had been a student there all along. The only people who knew she didn't belong were the people in her classes and she was introduced as a last minute transfer. Santana found it fairly easy to be ignored, something she would've hated had she been back in McKinley. Instead, she focused on passing her classes, getting through the day and she didn't care if people took notice. She thought, with a slightly amused smile, that if anyone from Lima could see her now, they might've assumed she had a lobotomy.

Quiet and unassuming as she tried to be, some students naturally tried to make friends with the strange but beautiful girl. She found the popular girls trying to get her to join their activities and she had many a boy try to strike up a conversation with her for ulterior purposes. She simply ignored the advances and declined to join any clubs. It wasn't long before people started whispering about her. The rumors ranged from "witness protection" to "running away from her fiancee" to a particularly bizarre one featuring an illegitimate child that she was trying to hide from a mafia boss because the child was not his (a la Kill Bill.) Santana mostly took these in stride, declining to comment when the braver students confronted her about said rumors.

One club did catch her attention though. It was their high school's glee club and when Santana saw the signs, she pictured the faces of her former team members. Without quite knowing how she got there, she stood in the much larger choir room after a practice had ended and looked around. The first thing she noticed were trophies sitting in a glass case on the left side of the room. The piano was also much larger and looked far more expensive.

_"Right, they probably have a better budget."_ Santana reminded herself when she saw the props and costumes hung up in corner. She looked over at the sheet music. Chills went up her spine when she read over them and played a few notes on the keyboard to get in key. She cleared her throat and sang, letting the memories wash over her.

_ "The lonesome Texas sun was setting slow  
And in the rear view mirror, I watched it go  
I can still see wind in her golden hair  
I close my eyes for a moment, and I'm still there."_

Santana was there in the car with Brittany. The two of them were laughing and Brittany's hair kept blowing in her face. She made faces when she got hair in her mouth and Santana reached over to gently brush it away. Brittany seized her hand and kissed her fingertips. Santana couldn't stop smiling.

_"The bluest eyes in Texas  
Are haunting me tonight  
Like the stars fill the midnight sky  
Her memory fills my mind  
Where did I go wrong? Did I wait too long?  
Or can I make things right?  
The bluest eyes in Texas,  
Are haunting me tonight"_

They were laying side by side on the car, looking at the stars over the desert sky. They were in Nevada, roughly a day's trip away from their destination. Brittany traced patterns in the stars that Santana couldn't see. When she asked, Brittany took her hand, pointed and showed her a jellyfish or a piece of lettuce. Santana told her she was insane. Brittany frowned, looked at the sky and then broke into a grin. She took Santana's hand again and traced another shape. Santana watched the stars sparkle in her eyes.

_"Another town, another hotel room.  
Another dream that ended way too soon.  
Left me lonely, prayin' for the dawn.  
Searching for the strength to carry on."_

They were fighting and Santana was banging on the bathroom door of the motel room. Brittany was crying on the other side and Santana was shouting for her to come out. Brittany came out of the bathroom and Santana could see the blond's heart breaking.

_ The bluest eyes in Texas  
Are haunting me tonight  
Like the stars fill the midnight sky  
Her memory fills my mind  
Where did I go wrong? Did I wait too long?  
Or can I make things right?  
The bluest eyes in Texas,  
Are haunting me tonight._

Santana opened her eyes as she cut the song off short. She found that her voice was wavering and so she stopped. She quickly wiped the tears away and put the sheet music down. She spun around when she heard someone clapping.

"That was powerful." A man, probably in his late fifties, walked towards her. Santana shrugged, trying to disguise her emotions.

"Sorry I came in here without permission." She apologized. He shook his head.

"Don't be, this room is open for anyone to come and practice. Your name is Santana, right? You're the transfer student in my Chem class. Seems like you have a little experience with singing though." He noted.

"I did a little bit at my old high school." Santana admitted. "But that was a lifetime ago."

"Well, we could really use you. You've got one of the best voices I've heard in a long time." The old man replied. He had a gentle face with round, red cheeks almost like Santa. His demeanor was calm and he had an air of experience unlike Mr. Schuester, who was still trying to figure out his life.

"I'll think about it." Santana replied, gathering up her books.

"Please do. We meet every week, Thursdays after school. We'd love to have you." Santana smiled a little before leaving the choir room.

When Thursday rolled around, she dropped in. It surprised her how many people were in glee club. There were at least 24 and Santana made an even 25. Everyone welcomed her warmly, though with some apprehension on the lead female's part. Glee club became part of Santana's schedule and she found herself thinking less and less about Ohio and Lima. Even some of her old arrogance started coming back when she snagged a solo from their diva, Courtney. She performed it at regionals, all but shaming the other groups' ballads. When they took first place, Santana saw Katie and Trisha smiling in the audience and she felt a small twinge of happiness.

Sometimes, the past had a hard time letting go of someone stuck in its clutches. Mr. Andrews, the glee club director, walked in the day after the competition with a new list of opponents they had to face for Nationals. Santana's heart sank like a stone when he read off the third competitor.

"William McKinley High School from Lima, Ohio." He said.

"Psh, we're totally going to grind those cow towners to pulp!" One boy mocked. Santana hung her head.

"Don't underestimate them. They've got a lot of...heart." She said under her breath.

"What do you know about them?" Courtney asked.

"Nothing that you probably haven't heard. They're a bunch of misfits with a great lead couple and a lot of raw talent." She replied. But none of the members were particularly worried about a no-name school from the middle of nowhere.

After practice, she went up to Mr. Andrews with one thing to say.

"I can't go to Nationals." She blurted. The old man froze for a second before sitting down on the piano bench.

"That's your choice, Santana. I can always give the part to Courtney." He replied.

"You're not going to ask me why?" Santana asked with some confusion.

"I'm old but I'm not blind. I saw the way your face fell and I can still hear the drop in your voice when you spoke about McKinley." He said. "I understand you're a transfer and most people wouldn't have even heard of a school like that so there's really only one reason."

"I can't go. I can't see them again." Santana insisted.

"I won't hold it against you. You've clearly got very strong reasons for not going and I'm not going to sit here and force you to. All I want to say is that you're one of our best singers now and we'd be infinitely more likely to win if you were there." Santana bit her lip.

"I know, but I can't."

"You know that our costumes involve masks, right?" He added.

"When did that happen?" Santana asked in surprise.

"Just now." Mr. Andrews gave her a warm smile. "No one will recognize you." Santana knew she was going to regret it but she nodded.

"I'll go."

Santana sang in the background most of the time. Courtney was all too happy to receive all of the solos again and Santana was more relieved that she wore a mask over the top half of her face. She couldn't help but feel her blood run cold when she spotted her former club members sitting in the back and it took all the resolve she had not to run from the stage. They were too far back, she tried to convince herself, they couldn't see. They couldn't know.

But hearing her voice was an entirely different matter. Rachel Berry had perfect pitch and could pick out someone's voice from a crowd with natural ease. So the second Santana joined in, even though her voice was mingled in with everyone else's, Rachel noticed it.

"Mr. Schue." Rachel tugged on his sleeve urgently.

"Yes, Rachel?" He replied.

"Mr. Schue." She repeated in a voice quiet enough so that no one else could hear. "That's _Santana._" Mr. Schuester's heart stopped for a moment. He looked from Rachel to the girl she was staring at and back.

"What?" He hissed.

"That's her. We both know I can recognize voices, or lack thereof, like it's my job. I'm telling you, that girl up there is Santana." William Schuester held his breath and thought long and hard about what to do.

"We have to get ready for our turn." Rachel reminded. "But Mr. Schue you have to talk to her." Everyone got up and left for the green room. Mr. Schuester waited for the performance to end before swiftly getting up and going into the dressing room.

Santana was just taking off her mask when Mr. Schuester spotted her. The two made eye contact for what seemed like forever. Santana felt her breath come in short, panicked gasps. Her mouth hung open and she couldn't move a single muscle in her body. Then, just as quickly as it happened, all the senses in her body woke up and she gathered up her things and fled.

"Santana!" Mr. Schuester started after her but a strong hand grabbed him and wouldn't let him go. Mr. Andrews pulled him back.

"Let me go, she's one of my students!" Mr. Schuester demanded. Mr. Andrews regarded him with a cool, collected gaze.

"No, no, she's not. We don't have anyone here named Santana and, please, you're not supposed to be in this dressing room. Yours is the room next door I believe."

"I know her! She's one of my..."

"We don't have anyone here by the name of Santana." Mr. Andrews repeated with more force. "Now, do you really want to go scaring a girl who has absolutely nothing to do with your school? Do you really want to go drag her into this?" The two stared at each other for a long time before Mr. Schuester backed off.

"I'm sorry, I just thought..."

"It's alright, everyone makes mistakes." The two shared a knowing glance and Mr. Schuester realized that it was probably best if he kept quiet. When Rachel asked later about what he had found, he simply replied that they had gotten the wrong person.

Santana didn't stick around to find out who had won. She drove off as soon as she could so she didn't find out until the next day that New Directions had been awarded the Nationals title while her new high school had taken second place. It wasn't disappointing, everyone seemed perfectly happy with placing. Santana tried to join in the excitement but seeing her old friends had brought the past crashing into the present like a freight train. She realized that all this time she had slowly but surely begun to forget what had happened.

That night she forced herself to take all the pictures of Brittany she had on her computer, print them out and scatter them around her room. She looked at each and every one of them and forced herself to remember.

"You idiot, you idiot, you fucking idiot!" She screamed and punched the wall. "How could you _forget_?"

"Santana, is everything ok?" Trisha burst into the room. She paused for a moment, looking at the photos strewn all over the bed. Santana looked at her with red, swollen eyes. Trisha found herself taking two large steps to get over to Santana and hugging her close.

"I let myself forget." Santana sobbed. "I wore this ring every fucking day to remind myself but I still forgot..."

"You're moving on, Santana." Trisha replied.

"I don't want to move on. I don't want to forget."

"You can't keep blaming yourself like this. You can't keep doing this. You have to let yourself heal."

"I can't. I can't let myself forget. I won't forget her." Santana buried her face into Trisha's arms. "I wouldn't forgive myself if I did."

After that, Santana quit glee club. Katie and Trisha noted with despair that all the progress she had made was lost. She was once again the girl who had showed up in February with her heart broken. She remained like that for the last few weeks of school. Even though she was graduating, she had no plans for the future. She told Katie and Trisha that she was thinking about taking a year off before going off to college and the two agreed with the decision. Graduation quickly rolled around and Santana received her diploma. A week after graduation, she announced to Katie and Trisha that she was going back to Ohio. She no longer had a reason to stay in Cape Cod and she didn't want to burden the two of them anymore. Despite their protests, Santana already made plans and informed her parents of her return.

She shipped her things back the next day after the announcement and planned on returning soon after. Katie and Trisha found themselves dreading the day Santana left. She had become an integral part of their lives and it hurt both of them to see her leaving in exactly the same state she arrived. The night before Santana left, Trisha paid her a visit.

"You can come in." Santana said when she knocked on the door. Trisha sat down and watched her fold her clothes.

"You know, I never liked you that much." Trisha stated. Santana smiled.

"I know. You were on me like a panther the first time you met me."

"You were close to Brittany and you had potential to hurt her." Trisha explained. "And I'm sure you did. But I've come to accept that you loved her."

"_Love_ her." Santana corrected. Trisha sighed.

"You need to move on, Santana. It's been more than half a year since she died." Santana winced when she heard the last word. "You're not letting yourself heal. Every time you smile, it's like you need to beat yourself up twice as much. You're punishing yourself."

"Maybe." Santana replied.

"You are. It hurts, San, I know. But, God, San, you're an idiot if you think that making yourself cry every night is going to make things alright again."

"I need to deal with it my own way." Santana said. "I just need to find the answer for myself."

"What's the question?" Santana leveled her gaze at Trisha.

"Why and how I can live without her." Trisha felt the blood drain from her face.

"What if you don't find the answer?" She asked quietly. Santana only smiled sadly and continued packing.

They said their goodbyes the next morning. Katie and Trisha both hugged Santana this time and Trisha was more than a little sad to see her go. Katie reinforced the fact that Santana could come anytime and stay with them for as long as she needed to. Before they could stop her, Santana was driving out of their lives again.

Santana had told her parents she would be back by the afternoon but evening rolled around and Santana was no where in sight. Instead, she had pulled into the parking lot of a run down motel out of whim and stood outside for a while. She gazed at the worn down and cheap exterior, remembering that it had been a last resort for the two of them that same journey back. When she let the memories run their course, she got into her car and started driving south, in the slight opposite direction of Ohio. Paved road soon turned into dirt road and she drove as if possessed by something. She soon reached her destination, an old, red ranch house far from the motel. It was the closest structure around given that most of the area was farm land. She felt slightly anxious when she got out of the car and approached the front door. She heard a few dogs start barking from the inside as she got close. It was too late to turn back now. Heart pounding hard against her chest, she rang the door bell. It took a second, less than it normally would've since the dogs had alerted the owners of the house to her presence. The door opened and a bald, middle aged man in overalls and a white shirt answered.

"May I help you?" He asked, looking the girl up and down.

"Hi. I don't know if you remember me. My name is Santana Lopez, you helped me out last summer."

* * *

Author's note: I love reviews as per usual. The song is "The Bluest Eyes in Texas", the Cardigan's cover of it. It's a really beautiful song and you should check it out.


	9. Upstate New York, Memories

_Upstate New York, Summer 5 Years Ago_

"God damn it!" Santana yelled, getting out of the car. She popped the hood and made her way over to the engine. "Piece of junk!" She kicked the tire angrily and tried to wave the smoke away. Brittany stayed in the car, her arms folded.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Santana wasn't even sure what she was looking for in all the cables and metal. Nothing was on fire but there was the horrible smell of gas. Brittany watched as she fumbled with her cellphone.

"Seriously? Seriously, you have got to be kidding me. My battery's dead." She tossed the phone back into the car. "B, let me use yours."

"Mine is dead too." Brittany replied coldly. Santana groaned and flopped down against the car.

"Stupid..." She muttered. Brittany got out of the passenger seat and took a look at the parts.

"It looks like one of the cables exploded, possibly your fuel line too." Brittany explained. Santana looked up at her in surprise.

"Where did that come from?"

"When Kurt and I were dating, he would take forever to put on makeup so his dad showed me how to fix up cars in the meantime." Brittany replied. Santana scoffed at the thought.

"You and Kurt did not date." She sneered.

"Yeah we did. Remember?" Brittany insisted.

"B, you were Kurt's beard. You know that he was only fake dating you right?"

"Well, at least he fake dated me instead of not dating me at all." Brittany shot back. Santana winced and stood up. Brittany started marching up the street back the way they came.

"B, where are you going?" Santana demanded.

"I'm going to that motel we saw earlier."

"B, that was at least ten miles back!" The blond ignored her and kept walking. Santana stuck her hands in her pockets and followed Brittany in silence. They reached the motel sometime around ten. It was in horrible disrepair. The neon sign had a few lights missing, the paint on the side of the walls were chipping and the window AC units rattle horribly. Santana felt like it couldn't be sanitary to sleep there.

"B, we might catch some horrible disease here." She warned but Brittany had already walked in. Santana chased after her.

"Hi." Brittany said to the boy at the front desk. She flashed him a bright smile. "Do you have any rooms open?" The boy had to be no more than 16 and from the looks of his acne covered face, was just in the throes of puberty. He couldn't help but stare at the beautiful girl standing in front of him.

"Uh...sure." He replied dumbly, glancing from Brittany's chest to her face. Santana fought the urge to sock him in the jaw.

"Can we get a room? Separate beds, please." So Brittany wasn't going to insist on separate rooms but they certainly weren't sleeping together.

"Do you know if there's an auto mechanic around here?" Brittany asked. The boy thought about the question.

"Well, there is one but he's an hour away. Did your car break down?"

"Yeah, about ten miles down the road." Santana cut in. The boy thought again.

"Well, if you want, I can call my uncle. He only lives about half an hour away and he knows a little bit about cars. I can call him tomorrow morning if you want." Brittany smiled at him again and he turned bright red.

"Thanks! You're sweet." Brittany said. The boy took down Brittany's information, even going the extra step to ask for her phone number despite the fact that her phone was dead. Brittany gave it to him and Santana gave him a death glare. He smiled nervously at Santana and handed the keys over. Brittany snatched them from the counter and walked swiftly up the stairs.

"Phone." She snapped and he quickly set the telephone on the counter so that she could reach it. She called up her parents to let them know what was happening. They offered to pick them up but Santana told them that they were fine and that her car was going to be fixed in the morning. Even if they were skeptical, they trusted Santana and after a few more exchanges of location and estimated time of arrival the next day, Santana hung up. The boy took the phone back and she leaned closer to the boy.

"If you know what's good for you, and if you'd like to reach the end of puberty, stay away from her, mmk?" She hissed. He swallowed, seeing the promise of death in her eyes and nodded. She looked down at the other key and walked up to the second floor. They had gotten a corner room and when Santana entered, she was surprised by how clean everything was. Even if the exterior was dismal, the interior was passable. Brittany was in the bathroom and Santana flopped down on the bed. An hour passed before she wondered what the blond was doing in there. The shower wasn't running and she couldn't hear anything inside. She got up and knocked on the door.

"B? Everything ok?" She heard rustling on the other side, signaling that Brittany was still alive. "B, you've been in there for an hour."

"Go away." Brittany said, her voice cracking. Santana felt her heart sink. She knew Brittany like the back of her hand and that voice was her crying voice.

"B, please come out."

"No."

"Please? Can we talk about it?"

"No." Santana sighed and sank down against the door.

"B, you know how I feel about you. You're my best friend." Silence. "I mean, what do you expect? We're teenagers, we don't what we want." Santana heard Brittany say something but it sounded like she was talking into a towel.

"What did you say?" Santana asked.

"I said I want you!" Brittany yelled.

"B, we can't be together."

"Why not? Kurt has his stupid boyfriend."

"That's because his boyfriend can beat up anyone who even tries to hurt him. We're teenage girls, B. We can't defend ourselves like that. And boys are always going to see us as a 'challenge.' I don't want anything to happen to you."

"You're stupid." The blond said and again it was muffled. Santana felt her chest start hurting. She hated it when Brittany cried. She didn't like thinking about tears clouding those brilliant blue eyes that should only sparkle with happiness. Santana brought her knees up to her face.

Somewhere along the line she had fallen in love with the blond. She'd probably fallen for her before Brittany even knew that it was possible to love someone of the same-sex. Santana took in a deep breath. The past few years all she had done was deny it and she hated every moment of it. But she wanted to keep Brittany safe. But now she was afraid of losing her completely.

"I love you." Santana mumbled. "But I don't want anything to happen to you." The door suddenly opened and Santana tumbled backwards into the bathroom.

"What did you say?" Brittany asked as Santana picked herself up.

"Nothing." And suddenly, with force and anger that startled Santana, Brittany slammed her against the wall behind them.

"Say it." Brittany hissed. Santana felt scared of Brittany for the first time in her life. The blond had always been docile and kind. This person pinning her against the rough wallpaper was someone smoldering with anger.

"B, let me go." Santana pleaded.

"Say it." Brittany said again. Santana bit her lip and closed her eyes against the blond digging her nails into her shoulder, leaving red marks even through the cloth.

"I can't, B."

"You said it once! Why can't you say it again?" Brittany demanded, shaking Santana.

"Stop that!" Santana grabbed Brittany's arms. "You need to calm down." Brittany tried to tear her arms away but Santana held on tightly.

"Just let me go." The roles were reversed now. Santana did her best to keep her grip as Brittany tried to back away. She wound up tripping over the bedding and the two of them tumbled onto the small twin. Santana landed on the blond and she heard a small gasp. Thinking that she had knocked the wind out of her, the brunette got up as quickly as she could.

"Are you ok?" Santana asked but as she tried to push herself off the bed, she found that she was being pulled back down by Brittany. The girl buried her face into Santana's chest and it was only then that Santana realized that the gasps were actually sobs.

"It's not fair." Brittany cried. Santana rolled over and lay next to Brittany until her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. When she tried to get up, the blond still had a death grip on her shirt. It seemed like she wasn't going anywhere for the night. Santana watched as some tears leaked out of Brittany's eyes and she leaned over to kiss them away. Just as she came within millimeters, she stopped. What was she doing?

_I need to stop this. I'm going to wind up hurting both of us._ She pulled her face away and contented herself with resting her head next to Brittany's. Sleep overtook her as quickly as she closed her eyes.

* * *

In the morning, Santana woke up to Brittany's figure tightly pressed against her. For a moment, she forgot about the fight they had the previous night. As soon as she remembered, she looked sadly at her.

"I'm sorry, B." She whispered. Someone knocked on the door and Santana got up to answered it. This time, she slipped easily from Brittany's grasp. When she opened the door, she came face to chest with a tall, built and bald man.

"You have the car problem?" He grunted more than talked.

"Yeah, are you here to help us?" Santana asked.

"Let's get it fixed." Was all he said. Santana nodded and looked back at Brittany. The commotion had woken her up and she sat forward, her hair obscuring her eyes.

"B?" Santana asked. Brittany got up and walked past them, not making eye contact. The two followed. At the front desk, Brittany checked out.

"Are you headed to the farm?" the boy asked. His uncle nodded. "Ok, Uncle Bruce, I might stop by later tonight." He glanced at Brittany and the look made Santana's eye twitch. If only she could get that boy alone in an alleyway with a baseball bat.

The big man led them both to a pick up truck and Santana rode shotgun while Brittany rode in the back with bales of hay. They got to the car and the man took a look at the engine and its surrounding components. He dropped to the ground and looked at the undercarriage.

"Yeah, you'll need the fuel line replaced." He said. "I should have a spare back at the farm."

"We can pay you." Santana said quickly. He only grunted in response and began hitching the car to the truck.

The farm was roughly thirty minutes away and they drove in silence. The only noise was the radio and the putter of the engine. They reached the house and Bruce got out. The house was big, though dwarfed by the open fields behind it. A very pregnant woman knelt in the dirt in front of the house, pulling weed from between the flowers. When the truck pulled up, she stood and walked over.

"Welcome home!" She said when she saw her husband. "And you must be the girls Colby called us about." Santana extended a hand and the woman shook it.

"My name's Santana, thanks so much for your help." Brittany also walked over.

"Brittany." The woman smiled.

"Well my name's Janice and you are most welcome here." She said. "Have either of you eaten yet?" They both shook their heads. The woman walked to the door.

"Please, come in. Max is still eating his breakfast so you are welcome to have the same." The two walked in and an equally pregnant dog ran up to greet them. She barked enthusiastically.

"Hush, DeScala." The woman said. A young boy rushed over to the living room to their right. He couldn't have been more than five.

"Are you done?" Janice asked. The boy nodded and sat down in front of the TV to watch cartoons. There were pancakes still steaming on the table. Janice got plates for the two of them and they dug in hungrily.

"So where were you headed before your car broke down?"

"Home." They answered at the same time. Santana continued. "Well, we live in Lima, Ohio."

"That's a way away." Janice noted. "Listen, Bruce has some errands to run today. If he can't fix it by a reasonable time tonight, I insist that you two stay here for the night. I don't want either of you to go driving off at night and falling asleep at the wheel."

"Oh, we can't do that." Santana said. "We're imposing already." Janice shot her a stern look and Santana was reminded of her own mother's "don't argue with me" expression. It was one that no daughter or son could win against.

"I insist, ladies. I think Bruce'll be done before it gets too late though." She reassured. Santana knew they were cutting it close. Cheerleading camp started in two days and if the repairs didn't finish today, then they would only have a day at home. Something in the pit of her stomach told her that things were about to go very wrong.

* * *

Brittany had always been good with kids. She was patient and often times had the mindset of one so it wasn't hard for her to get alone with Max. The two of them played outside, chasing sheep around the yard while Santana sat on the fence. She watched the two laugh and run around until Max fell down and couldn't get back up he was giggling so hard. Brittany picked him up and hoisted him onto her shoulders and ran around, mimicking an airplane. Santana smiled at the sight of this and she jumped slightly when she felt a cold nose against her ankle. She looked down to see another dog, an Australian Shepard, licking at her socks.

"Let me guess," Santana began, reaching down to pet his head. "Your name is Puck and you didn't mean to knock up that bitch over there?" She smiled softly at her joke and looked up just in time to see Max running over with Brittany following behind.

"Mounty!" He shouted, all but jumping on the poor dog. Max looked at Santana. "He's gonna be a daddy real soon."

"I know." Santana replied, smiling widely at him.

"Come on, Mounty, let's go chase sheep!" He said, running away. The dog followed eagerly. Santana felt vulnerable now that she and Brittany were alone.

"Are you still mad?" Santana asked. Brittany said nothing. "B, I..."

"Don't." Brittany said, climbing over the fence and going inside the house. Santana let out an exasperated sigh. She stayed outside for another hour, watching Max and Mounty run up and down the hill. Eventually, the boy got tired and he slowly walked towards Santana.

"Imma go inside." He yawned. Santana stuck out her hand for him to take and the two of them went inside. Brittany was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Max took the remote and changed the channel to cartoons. Santana sat on the opposite side of the room, glancing every now and again at the blond. She wasn't sure what to say to make everything alright again so she instead tried to focus on something else.

"Girls?" Janice walked into the living room just as Max started snoring on the floor. "Oh dear." She picked Max up. "Bruce just got home, he's going to make the repairs now."

"We can't thank you enough." Santana said.

"Oh, please, don't worry about it. We wouldn't be good people if we left two young girls out there stranded. And between you and me, the guy who runs the closest automobile is a little pervert." She grinned and went upstairs to put Max to bed. Almost as soon as she disappeared up the staircase, Bruce let out a loud stream of yelling.

"Goddamn it, Mounty!" He yelled. Janice came rushing downstairs.

"Honey? Honey what's wrong?"

"Stupid dog thought the replacement fuel line was a chew toy!" Janice put her hand on his arm. He held a torn up pipe in the other hand. "I'll have to drive all the way over to Marty's for another one."

"You don't have to." Santana said, standing up. "We've caused you enough trouble already." Bruce put a hand up to silence her.

"No, I promised Colby I'd help you. But it looks like you two are going to be staying here the night. We've got a loft upstairs and a loft with the mattress in the barn as well."

_Goddamn it._ Santana thought, frowning. Bruce grabbed his car keys and kissed his wife.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. You know Marty though, he'll probably grab me for a drink or two. Besides, I probably won't get to it until tomorrow morning."

"Do what you need, honey." Janice said. He waved goodbye to them and drove off in his truck.

"Of all the things..." Santana muttered. Now they really were cutting it close. Brittany shrugged.

"I get to play with the sheep some more." She said. Janice smiled at the blond.

"Well, we need to start bringing them into the holding pen. Mounty usually does a good job but would you like to help him?" The woman asked. Brittany gave her best smile and nodded.

It was nightfall when they finished. Santana decided to check out the bed in the barn. The loft overlooked most of the field and had a great view of the moon and stars. She could see the house and the lights as well as hear the small "baas" of the sheep. It was peaceful up there, even if there were mosquitoes.

_I wish Brittany was up here._ She thought to herself. _God I wish for a lot of things._ She looked down and heard voices. She froze in place and turned her head to try and get a better listen. There was a squeaky male voice and she recognized it from the motel. It had to be that pimply freak, Colby. He mentioned he would be by later and Santana couldn't think of a better idea than to sic Mounty on him. She found the images of Mounty tearing him apart like he did the fuel line so satisfying.

Then she heard giggling from someone clearly not him. She could recognized that voice even if she were deaf in one ear. That was the sound of Brittany. She looked around, squinting in the darkness to try to locate the two of them and figure out if it was close enough for her to jump off the loft and on top of the boy. She found them leaning against a fence partially obscured by the branches of a nearby tree. They were talking about something that Santana couldn't quite make out. She watched them, trying to pick out words. Then, very clearly, Brittany leaned over and kissed him. Santana's blood ran hot and she turned away, eyes burning with anger and jealousy. When she turned back, they had just broken off the kiss and Colby leaned in for another. Santana coughed very loudly and the two turned their heads in surprise. Santana first made eye contact with Brittany who hopped off the fence and stormed through the front door. Then she made eye contact with Colby. The boy seemed to sense his impending doom and when Santana stood up to give chase, he ran faster than he ever thought he could back to his car. By the time Santana reached the bottom of the ladder, he was speeding off.

"If I see you again..." She yelled after him. Now that the maggot was out of the way, she needed to deal with a more serious problem. Her face was flushed and she tried not to think about it. Brittany had kissed him, not the other way around. She wanted to kiss him and this made Santana simultaneously furious and distraught.

"Where's Brittany?" She asked as she walked in. Janice sat on the couch, watching the evening news.

"I think she went up to the loft, sweetie. Are you both going to sleep there?" Santana ignored the question and ran up the two flights of stairs. Because there was no door, she simply walked into the empty room.

"What the hell, B?" Santana demanded. Brittany was sitting on the windowsill, looking out. "Why would you even go near that...that piece of swamp goo?"

"It's none of your business, San." Brittany snapped.

"He's disgusting, B."

"He's nice."

"Yeah, but you can do so much better than that, B." Santana replied.

"He likes me, ok?" Brittany stood up, walking further away.

"Oh, so you go and kiss everyone who likes you, is that it?" Santana scoffed.

"I think I've kissed enough people who _don't_ like me." Brittany hissed. _Ouch._ The brunette thought. She couldn't think of a good comeback to that one. "I'm really tired, could you please just leave? We have to drive 5 more hours tomorrow." Santana's shoulders slumped and she felt like she had just lost a competition.

"Fine." She said, defeated and began walking down the stairs. She almost ran into Janice, who was holding her stomach.

"Oh!" Santana exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"Girls, I need you both." Janice said. The quietness and calmness with which she spoke was eerie and Santana felt like something bad was about to happen again. Brittany, sensing the urgency, joined Santana on the stairs.

"Is everything ok?" She asked.

"Girls, I need you to stay as calm as possible, ok?" The two of them nodded. "My water just broke."

Santana's brain spun in a direction that was not entirely comfortable. It took a minute for her to register what she had just said.

"Oh shit. Oh shit..." She cursed.

"Girls, I need you to call Bruce. I'll give you his cellphone number. There's a good chance he's drinking and won't pick up but I want you to leave a voice message explaining that his baby is coming right now and that I am going to bury him alive if he doesn't come home soon." Brittany rushed past them to get the phone. Santana felt rooted to the spot. She didn't know what to do. There was no adult to reassure them that everything was going to be ok. Janice was having her baby and the only people who were there were her, Brittany and Max and the 5 year old was in bed already. Brittany returned with the phone and punched in the numbers. Just as Janice predicted, Bruce did not pick up and Brittany left a message with Janice in the background calmly threatening her husband.

"Ok. Well, there goes my trip to the hospital." Janice was surprisingly nonchalant about it but Santana could see that she was sweating profusely. "Alright. We'll have to do this the old fashioned way."

"We could call 911." Santana suggested.

"No, it's fine. I wanted a home birth anyway. That's how I delivered Max. Except last time I had a midwife and Bruce. This time I have two girls who have no idea what they're doing." She breathed in deeply. "Ok, one of you needs to start running the tub with hot water. Another one of you needs to get the towels, get to it, please. I can only keep up my demeanor for so long until I'm reduced to a crying, screaming birthing lady." She smiled softly. Santana snapped out of her trance and ran into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Outside, Janice let out a low moan of pain and hobbled into the bathroom.

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Santana said, feeling the panic rising in her throat.

"It's ok. Santana, I just need you to do exactly as I say." Janice said before she let out a scream. Brittany rushed in with an armful of towels and dumped them on the floor. The two of them helped Janice get into the tub and she lay there, groaning in pain. Santana grabbed Brittany's hand for comfort and she was happy when Brittany squeezed her hand.

"You're ok." Brittany whispered to the laboring woman. Santana felt as though those words were meant for her as well.

Six hours later, Brittany held a wailing baby in her arms. Bruce by that time had broken the speed limit three times over after he heard the message and got there in the middle of labor. Janice spent a good half an hour cursing him and making him swear never to drink beer again. On several occasions, Santana felt like she was about to throw up or pass out or both but every time she felt light headed, Brittany would grab her hand and hold it tight, rooting her firmly to reality. By the time it was over, Santana felt like she had been the one giving birth.

The two girls left the newborn with her parents but not before Janice gratefully thanked them. Bruce, so moved by the entire incident, gave them both hugs that almost broke some bones. The two left the house and went out into the barn where they climbed up the ladder and sat with their legs dangling out.

"That was intense." Brittany sighed, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Yeah." Santana replied. Both of them had relieved smiles plastered on their faces.

"I dunno, it was kinda fun." Brittany said. "It was like...waiting for a surprise to pop out." Santana rolled her eyes.

"Clearly you've found your calling, B: midwifery." Brittany laughed a little.

"I have no idea what that means." She replied.

"Exactly what you did tonight, B." Santana explained. The two sat in silence for a little while until Santana spoke again. "Thanks for being there. I don't think I could've made it without you." Brittany smiled.

"I'm glad you were there too." Santana turned her head and looked at Brittany full on. The blond was smiling and her teeth were white in the moonlight. Her eyes glowed pale and wonderful. Santana realized just how much she had missed her smile, even if it was just a day.

"I don't like us fighting." Santana whispered. Brittany's expression fell and she remembered why they had been arguing. She looked down at her feet.

"I don't like it either." She replied. When Brittany stopped smiling, Santana came to the realization that she would do anything to make Brittany happy. She had to see that goofy grin. She wanted Brittany to watch her, completely enamored. She hated it when someone else, like Colby, kissed her. And most of all she needed Brittany. If Janice's labor had taught her anything besides the finer, messier parts of giving birth, it was that she was hopeless without the blond.

_I am in love with her._ Santana thought and she felt like those words slammed into her chest and knocked her breathless. _I love you, Brittany._

"Is there something on my face?" Brittany asked, touching her cheek with her fingers.

"B." Santana's voice was low and it wavered. Brittany cocked her head. Santana felt her mouth go dry and all parts of her brain screamed at her to stop.

"What's wrong? Is there a spider on me?" The blond asked. Santana took as deep a breath as she could manage and all but forced the words out.

"I love you, Brittany."

With those words, it felt like every single barrier preventing her from feeling just how deep her love for the blond went broke down. All of a sudden, she felt just how intensely she needed to be with her and she gasped when all that emotion hit her at once. Brittany's eyes went wide and Santana lifted a hand to her mouth.

"S-say it again." Brittany breathed.

"I love you." Santana found it no easier the second time. She still wrestled with the logical part of her brain. Luckily, that logical part was quickly dying and being replaced with all the feelings she had bottled up for so long. Brittany licked her lips and kissed Santana swiftly and fiercely. Their tongues danced together and their teeth bumped. Over all it was a clumsy kiss but they threw any care they had about it out the window. Santana's hands gripped the back of Brittany's neck, pulling her closer and Brittany's hands ran up and down Santana's sides.

"I love you." Santana couldn't stop saying it and every time she did, Brittany pulled her in for a kiss harder and with more urgency than those previous. When they finally calmed down, Brittany broke into the sweetest smile that Santana had ever seen.

"I love you too, San."


	10. Upstate New York, 5 Years Ago

Author's note: Hey! Sorry about the late update. But the more people review, the faster these chapters go up (more motivation for me to write!) So please review!

_Upstate New York 5 Years Ago_

Santana was suffocating, that was sure. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move and she certainly couldn't escape. With every passing moment she inched closer to blacking out for good.

"Bruce! Put her down!" Janice demanded. The hulking giant, clearly not aware of his own strength, released her from the bear hug and Santana gulped down air as fast as possible. "Oh sweet Jesus Christ it really is you." Janice walked over and touched Santana's face in disbelief before pulling her into a much gentler, less suffocating hug.

"How are you doing?" Santana asked.

"Oh, you know, losing the baby weight. We're all wonderful though." Janice pulled away and studied her face. "You look so thin! What have your parents been feeding you?"

"Well, it's a long story actually." Santana replied but she didn't have any intention of pursuing the matter further.

"Is Brittany with you?" Santana felt the pain sink in instantaneously. She looked down at her feet, stifling a sob. Janice noticed her downcast expression but she also heard her daughter start crying in the kitchen. She knew her daughter was probably fine, more than likely she spilled her cheerios again. Santana, however, did not look fine.

"Bruce, could you please go take care of Laney?" Janice said, never taking her eyes off of the girl standing in their entry way. Bruce, not thinking too much of it, ambled off to quiet the one year old. Janice studied her face.

"Honey, is everything ok? Something tells me this trip wasn't particularly planned."

"Can I stay here? Just for tonight." Santana said.

"Of course, you can stay as long as you need, sweetie. But I need you to tell me if you're in some kind of trouble." Santana decided she shouldn't hide the fact that she wasn't supposed to be there. It was their choice whether they wanted to house a mess of a girl.

"I mean, I was supposed to go home today. My parents don't know where I am right now." She admitted. "But I wasn't ready to go home." A thousand questions swam through Janice's mind but she could tell that Santana was in no condition to explain her situation.

"I won't ask why." She replied. "And I still stand by what I said before about you staying for as long as you need. But I only ask that you call your parents and tell them that you're safe. If they need to talk to me, so be it but I want you to call them now." Santana hesitated for a moment. If she called her parents, there was no guarantee that they wouldn't drive to the farm themselves and take her home. But she owed it to Janice to do this one thing. She pulled out her cell phone and looked at the screen. There were 20 voice mails and even more missed calls, all coming from her home phone. She hit "redial" and waited. It only took one ring before her mother answered.

"Santana?" Her mother asked.

"Hi mom."

"Oh thank god." Her mother sighed. "Where are you? Your father and I have been worried to death."

"I'm safe, mom. I'm actually staying with a friend for the night."

"And you couldn't damn well tell us before hand?" She heard her father shout in the background.

"Hush!" Santana's mom said. "Mija, where are you?"

"I'm staying with a friend, mom. Please try to understand."

"All we've been doing is understanding!" Her father yelled again. "It's about damn time she grew up!" Santana looked over at Janice who could hear everything clearly. The woman motioned to take the phone and Santana handed it over.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez? My name is Janice, I don't know if Santana's told you about me but we know Santana from last summer. Her car broke down and we took her in for a few days?"  
"Yes, we remember." Her mother replied. "We can't thank you enough for helping her out."

"Well, they were more a help to me than the other way around. She helped me deliver my baby while my husband was MIA. Listen, she's more than welcome to stay with me for a few days if she needs to, goodness knows what would've happened if she hadn't come along." Santana noticed that Janice was carefully avoiding talking about Brittany.

"But..." Her mother began.

"No buts. Me and my daughter owe our lives to Santana and I'd be very offended if you didn't let me take her in for a while." Janice's voice was firm and eventually, Santana's mom relented. Janice handed the phone back after they said their goodbyes and Santana put the phone up to her ear.

"So when are you going to be back?" Her mother asked. Santana shrugged though she knew her mom couldn't see.

"Soon. Maybe." She heard her mother sigh and she could tell that she was on the verge of tears.

"We miss you, San. We just want you to be happy."

"I'm ok, mom." Santana lied. "Really, don't worry about me. I'm doing what I need to and I'll be back soon, I promise." It was a promise Santana knew she wasn't going to keep.

"We love you." Her mother said.

"I love you too." Santana hung up the phone and smiled thankfully at Janice. The questions burned inside Janice but she put on her best happy face.

"Well, that's that. You'll be staying with us for a while. Now, go on, you must be exhausted." She shooed Santana up the stairs.

Everything was the same, much like the guest room had been in Cape Cod. Neither Janice nor Bruce had reason to go up to the loft so the bed was a little dusty. Santana pulled the covers back, gently beating the dust out of the comforter and pillows before sliding under. She looked down at her phone and dialed voice mail. The first message was from her father, asking when she would be back. The second was from her mother, asking if she was going to be home by dinner. With each message their voices grew more and more concerned until it sounded like they were ready to call the cops at any moment. Santana deleted each one after she heard them. After the new messages, she heard the automated voice say,

"You have 1 saved message that is about to expire." Santana pressed the button to play it and she felt the blood drain from her face when a familiar warm voice filled her sense of hearing.

_"Hey San, I think you were supposed to pick me up. I'm standing outside the gym right now. Um...I hope you didn't get into an accident or anything. Call me when you get this message, ok? I love you lots. I love you."_ Santana found her throat closing up and she started hyperventilating. She clutched at her chest because it felt like there was a hole being ripped open. She fumbled with her phone, dialing Brittany's number.

_"I'm sorry, this number has been disconnected." _Santana let out a small wail of grief when she heard it and crumbled into a ball. The message was old, from a time when Santana had been stuck in traffic because some idiot had decided to ram his car into a fire hydrant causing flooding and massive damage. It was a message Santana had forgotten to delete and only remembered now. She dialed her voice mail again.

_"You have 1 saved message that is about to expire."_ Santana pressed a button again, the phone not leaving her ear.

_"Hey San, I think you were supposed to pick me up. I'm standing outside the gym right now. Um...I hope you didn't get into an accident or anything. Call me when you get this message, ok? I love you lots. I love you."_

_ "If you would like to hear this message again, press 1." _Santana pressed 1.

_"Hey San, I think you were supposed to pick me up..."_

1.

_"Hey San..."_

1.

_"I love you lots."  
_1.

_"I love you."_

1. 1. 1. 1. Santana listened to the message over and over again until she simply fell asleep with the receiver still next to her ear.

* * *

Santana woke up the next morning and had to peel the phone away. The battery had gone dead and she set it down next to the table. She stood up and walked downstairs. The smell and sound of bacon cooking filled the first floor. Laney was playing with her cereal and Max sat next to her and looked up when he heard steps in the hallway.

"SANTANA!" He shouted, practically jumping out of his chair. He ran over to her and leaped into her arms.

"Woah!" She said. "You're getting bigger!" Janice walked over and smiled.

"Mommy! It's Santana!" He shouted, pointing.

"I know, sweetie." Janice replied. "Isn't that exciting?" It was at that moment that several puppies scrambled over and tripped all over Santana's feet.

"They've gotten big too!" Santana remarked. The puppies had been born the day after Janice's birth and they were now roughly up to Santana's shins.

"What are their names?" Santana asked.

"That one is Poppy, the fat one is Grungy and the smallest one is Brittana! We named it after you and Brittany!" Upon hearing this, Santana's face faltered for a second before she forced a smile again. Max turned back to the brunette. "Where's Brittany?" He asked.

"She's not here, Max. But she misses you very much." Max frowned.

"Can you tell her to come?"

"Maybe next time." Santana replied and all of a sudden it got much harder to stay smiling. She set Max down and he ran back to table.

"Are you hungry?" Janice asked. Santana shook her head.

"No, I'm ok." She replied.

"I'd appreciate it if you ate something." The mother said. Just then, Bruce walked through the front door.

"Hey, Jan, I need some help. Some of the sheep got out of the pen and it's been hell to get them back." He replied. "I think they escaped over into the neighbor's field."

"I can help!" Santana offered.

"Oh no, we are not making you work." Janice said.

"It's ok, I kinda like herding sheep. It was fun." Santana said. Bruce looked at his wife and shrugged. Janice sighed and ruffled her eyebrows.

"Well, if you insist. But promise me you'll stop if you get tired." She relented. Bruce motioned for Santana to follow. He clambered into the pick up truck. Mounty and DeScala lay in the back and Santana got into the other seat. They drove off in the direction that the sheep were last seen running in. Pretty soon, Santana spotted a few.

"There!" She said, pointing. Bruce stopped the car and grabbed some rope. Santana moved towards them and they began running away. She gave chase with DeScala and Mounty following. Together, they herded the strays back towards Bruce who tied them together and handed the rope over to Santana.

"You can take them back?" He asked. Santana nodded. "There are a few still scattered. I'll try to locate them with the dogs." With that he whistled for the dogs who jumped into the back. He drove off in another direction, leaving Santana holding the rope and five sheep. She looked at the animals and patted one on the head before starting to walk back towards the farm.

* * *

Locating and rounding up the sheep took the better half of the day and by sunset, all of them were back safe in their pen. Santana sat down and Bruce offered her a thermos of cold water to drink. She gulped it down eagerly.

"You done good." He said. _"Ever a man of simple words"_, Santana thought. Just as she was replacing the cap on the thermos, another car pulled into the drive way and a tall red head stepped out of the car. It took a second but Santana recognized him as Colby. Her eyes automatically narrowed into a glare.

"Hey uncle!" Colby waved. He had certainly grown. He was now pushing 6'1'' and no longer looked as awkward. His limbs were still kind of gangly but he looked vaguely acceptable for a boy. His face fell when he saw her.

"You remember Santana." Bruce said.

"Yeah." He replied. Santana felt a satisfaction seeing the slight fear in his eyes. She still had that effect on him.

"Good to see you again." Santana said with a deadly sweetness. He smiled nervously.

"Could you and Santana get some warm water for the herd? I've gotta repair the gate so that they don't get out again." Bruce suggested. Santana looked Colby in the eye.

"Sure." She said, hopping down from the fence. She grabbed a bucket and walked towards the barn. Colby felt dread but he complied with his uncle's orders and followed her to the faucet. They carried water over two times before either of them said anything.

"Why do you hate me?" Colby blurted. _"Brave little bugger aren't you? Did puberty do that?" _Santana thought.

"I don't hate you." She replied.

"Well, you keep glaring at me...and I feel like you're going to jump me at any time."

"Wishful thinking." She retorted and he frowned. More silence passed between them.

"So...where's Brittany?" He asked. Santana let the empty bucket drop, making a loud hollow sound against the concrete.

"You want to know why I don't like you?" She asked. "What did I say to you the first time we met?"  
"Phone?" He replied.

"After that."

"Um...something about staying away from Brittany..." His eyes widened with realization.

"Bingo." She hissed. He put up his hands in defense.

"Look, we were just talking and she's really pretty. But I didn't do anything, she's the one that..."

"That's enough." Santana snapped.

"But she..."

"I don't want to hear it." She slammed her fist against the wall, making him jump. She looked at him with cold eyes. She hated him. She hated anyone who touched her Brittany. She pictured his former pimply face and inwardly cursed it. She pictured the way Brittany laughed at his stupid jokes. She stared at his lips, the ones that Brittany had pressed her own to for seconds. She hated that his lips hadn't been hers. Brittany was only supposed to kiss her, dammit.

And Santana grabbed Colby by the collar of his shirt and kissed him hard. Neither of them knew what had happened until Santana bit Colby's lip and made him bleed. He pulled away with some surprise.

"What the hell? You're crazy!" He said in a voice too high pitched. Santana wiped her lips. She wasn't sure why she did that. Maybe it was because he was the last person Brittany had kissed besides her. Maybe she was trying to take back the kiss. Or maybe she was just lonely and hurting and needed someone to distract her.

"Shut up and go with it. A hot girl is trying to kiss you, you don't question it." She snapped, pulling him back for another kiss. He was more receptive this time around, though she couldn't tell if it was because he was a horny teenage boy or if he was scared of what she would do if he didn't comply. Santana squeezed her eyes at tightly closed as she could, trying to picture Brittany kissing her back but his kisses were nothing like hers. But she tried harder to convince herself that this was the closest she could ever get to kissing the blond ever again.

The illusion shattered when his hand started roaming under her shirt. She pulled away from him and shoved him away.

"Leave." She snapped. He fumbled for words, not sure exactly what had just happened. "Now!" He started walking away.

"You are crazy." He mumbled before getting into his car and driving off. Santana folded her arms around her. She felt sick all over again.

"Oh God...Brittany I'm sorry." She muttered over and over again. "Brittany...I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She felt like she had cheated somehow. A wet nose prodded her ankle and she looked up. Brittana sat next to her and licked at her arms. Santana threw her arms around the dog and buried her face into her fur. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Janice found Santana sitting at the edge of the loft in the barn, looking out over the fields. She set down two mugs of hot chocolate, pulled herself up and sat down next to the girl.

"It's cold out here." She remarked.

"Yeah."

"You'd think it'd be nicer over the summer." She offered one of the mugs over to Santana who took it gratefully. The two sat there, listening to the crickets chirping. Santana thought back to that summer. This was the exact place that she had told Brittany that she loved her. It seemed like such a distant memory even though it hadn't been too long ago.

"You know, San..." Janice began.

"She's dead." Santana whispered. Janice froze for a moment before setting her cup down. Santana's eyes watered. "Brittany...she died." This was the first time Santana had ever said those words. She never wanted to say that Brittany was dead. For her, saying it aloud meant that she finally believed those words. Janice put her arms around Santana and the girl began crying.

"It was an accident...she just...she dove into a pool and she couldn't swim...and now she's dead." Santana cried. Janice, surprised but not shocked, offered her all the physical comfort she could. She had suspected as much, though it was a worst case scenario in her mind. Holding this crying girl made it so much more real that the blond who had helped her daughter into this world was no longer a part of it. Her heart dropped and her eyes burned.

"She's dead. Brittany's dead." Santana sobbed. Janice let her cry. That night, Santana had finally come to accept that her one love was gone forever.


	11. Upstate New York, Memories II

Author's note: Sorry about the small chapter. If I get a lot of reviews, the next chapter will be up tomorrow!

Brittany was not next to her when Santana woke up. For a second, she feared that last night had been just a dream. She sat up, clutching the covers to her bare body and looked around. Unease made her chest tighten and she looked around.

"B?" She yelled. She heard some scuffling and the top of Brittany's head poked through the hole in the floor where the stairs were.

"Morning!" Brittany skipped over to the beside and kissed Santana on the lips. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God." Santana whispered. Brittany cocked her head to one side. "I thought last night had taken place inside my head." Brittany shook her head furiously.

"No way!" She said. Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck.

"I love you." She said. "Just in case it was in my head." The effect it had on Brittany made Santana wonder if it was possible to die from cute overload. Brittany blushed and broke into a big smile. She tucked her hair behind her ears and looked bashfully at the ground. Why Santana hadn't said it earlier, she would never understand.

"I love you." She repeated. She felt like she wanted to make up for all the lost time and all the times she wanted to say those words but never had the guts to. This time, Brittany squealed with joy and hugged her, covering her with kisses. Santana pulled her in close, letting the sheet drop to her hips. Just as she was about to wrestle Brittany to the bed and have a little repeat session of the previous night, the blond broke free of her grasp.

"San guess what?" Brittany asked.

"What?" Santana replied, a little upset and a little too turned on to care much about anything else.

"DeScala had puppies!" Brittany exclaimed. Santana's eyes went wide and she grinned.

"Really?" Brittany nodded.

"They look like rats though. Do you think DeScala cheated on Mounty?" Santana laughed, thinking about the logistics of that relationship.

"They grow bigger." She reassured.

"Do you wanna see them?" Brittany suggested. Santana got out of bed and started gathering her clothes to put on. Brittany seized her shirt and helped her slip it over her head while Santana tugged on her shorts. After she got dressed, the two went downstairs, carefully tiptoeing to avoid waking anyone else up. It was later in the morning so Santana assumed that everyone was tired out from last night's events. Max had woken up sometime in the middle of the night and had stayed up watching his new little sister go back to sleep. Brittany beckoned her to the basement and the instant Santana set foot on the ground, she heard small cries coming from the corner. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness and a pair of bright eyes looked at her. DeScala lay in the corner with three little puppies sprawled out near her stomach. Santana broke into an awed grin and she looked at Brittany who shared the same expression.

"They're adorable, B." Santana whispered. Brittany slipped her hand into Santana's and squeezed it in response. They watched the puppies squirm and wriggle in the basket while DeScala cleaned them individually.

"Let's leave them alone." Santana suggested. The two went back upstairs. At this point, Bruce was up and attempting to make breakfast. Judging by the smoke and the sad black stack of pancakes, he was failing.

"Do you need help?" Brittany asked. Bruce looked at her helplessly. It was clear that Janice did most of the cooking around the house. Brittany reached for the spatula in his hands and he gladly gave it to her. He nodded his thanks and rushed upstairs to rejoin his wife and daughter. Brittany turned towards the pan for a second before Santana snatched the spatula from her hands.

"Oh no, not you." Santana said. Brittany pouted at Santana until she relented. Rather than giving her all control, she came up with a better idea. She encircled the blond's waist from behind and guided Brittany's hands with hers. Brittany didn't complain.

"I like this." Santana admitted. Brittany leaned back and kissed the side of her head.

"Me too."

When they brought up what they had made (Bruce's pancakes included), Janice was sitting up in the bed nursing the little girl. Santana set the tray down by the night stand. Max was still curled up next to his mother so the two girls tried to be as quiet as possible.

"DeScala had puppies!" Brittany hissed. Janice looked up, surprised.

"Really? Well, I guess that means they share a birthday." She said nodding to her daugher.

"What are you going to name her?" Santana asked.

"Laney." Bruce replied. Santana nodded in approval. She was a beautiful baby girl with curly brown hair.

"She's really pretty." Santana said.

"Uh, Bruce, shouldn't you be fixing their car?" Janice asked. Bruce looked like a kicked puppy when she motioned for him to leave and get on with the job. Santana and Brittany followed him downstairs and out to the car. He looked so sad that Santana couldn't help but blurt,

"You can fix it later. Your daughter is more important." Bruce looked at her in disbelief, his eyes darting from the car to the house. Santana sighed. "It's fine, go!" Bruce didn't need any more encouraging. He closed the hood of the car and raced back inside. Santana looked at Brittany.

"But...what about cheerleading camp?" Brittany asked. Santana shrugged.

"Screw it." The two of them broke down into laughter. Brittany took Santana's hands and the two of them headed out into the field.

* * *

"I want to own a farm." Brittany said as the passed the barn.

"Do you know how much work that is?" Santana asked as a goat nipped at her shorts. Brittany shrugged.

"But the animals are so cute!" Santana shook her head but she couldn't hide her smile. They walked through the apple orchard next to the barn and the two weaved in and out through the trees.

"Hey, San?"

"Hmm?"  
"When did you fall in love with me?" Brittany asked. Santana paused and thought about it.

"Probably when we first kissed." Santana admitted. Brittany's eyes bulged.

"That was a long time ago, San!" She yelled, chasing after the brunette. Santana laughed and ducked under a branch, the blond right behind her. Santana shrieked when she felt the blond's fingers brush the back of her shirt and she ran faster. She ran about 100 feet before realizing that no one was following. She turned around and saw Brittany standing, her head downcast.

"B?" She asked, walking back.

"I'm serious, San...why didn't you tell me sooner?" Brittany sniffed.

"B? Oh god, B, I'm sorry." Santana said, rushing to her side. "B, I was scared. I'll make it up to you, please don't cry." Suddenly, Brittany looked up, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Gotcha!" She said, tackling the brunette to the ground.

"ACK! I can't believe I fell for that!" Santana said. "ACK! STOP!" She laughed when Brittany tickled her sides. "STOP! Stop, I give!" Brittany leaned down and kissed Santana. She parted her lips to give Brittany's tongue access and she cupped her face, feeling the blond's bangs tickle her forehead.

"I love you, San." Brittany whispered. The two of them lay there, just staring into each other's eyes until Brittany rolled off.

"So...what exactly are we doing if we're missing cheerleading camp?" Brittany asked. Santana shrugged.

"I dunno, I guess we'll just hang out in Lima." She replied. Brittany thought for a second before bouncing excitedly with an idea.

"Well, we saw the sunrise in Cape Cod. Let's go watch the sunset in California!" Santana balked at this suggestion.

"B, we don't have any money!" Santana replied. "Where would we stay?"

"I thought you said you had a cousin in California." Brittany said.

"I do but hell that's like, a crazy long drive! We'll need money for food and hotels and gas!" Brittany put a finger to her lips and thought about the situation.

"Well, I have money. I have maybe...$3,000?" This made Santana blink in surprise.

"What?"  
"I got it from dance competitions. They'd give me money when I won." Brittany explained. Santana all but slapped her forehead. Of course.

"B, you can't spend that on a stupid road trip. There's lots to do in Lima."

"But I want to spend it with you!" Brittany insisted. "Please?"

"No." Santana said firmly. "Save it up, ok?" Brittany pouted but there was no arguing with Santana. The brunette slipped her hand into the blond's. "We'll go some other time, ok? I promise." She kissed Brittany on the cheek lightly. Brittany pouted a little less.

"You promise?"  
"I swear, B. We'll go one day." Santana said. This seemed to cheer Brittany up considerably. She stood up and looked back towards the house.

"Hey! It's Bruce!" The large man walked towards them. He seemed rather sad, probably because he had been kicked out by his wife again.

"She wants you to stay." Bruce grunted. "One more night."

"That's fine with me." Santana said, feeling as though she weren't that eager to leave this place. Bruce looked over at Brittany.

"Me too! I love this place." He nodded at the two of them and lumbered back to his wife's side, hoping she wasn't about to throw him out for a third time. Brittany looked at Santana in disbelief.

"You're ok with staying one more day?"

"We're missing cheerleading camp, aren't we? Let me call my parents and let them know." Santana replied. Brittany squealed with joy and planted a kiss on Santana's lips.

"I love you!" Brittany said, jumping up and down. Santana rolled her eyes but she knew this was the happiest she had been in such a long time.


	12. Upstate New York, 5 Years Ago II

Even when his baby was born, Bruce's expression didn't change too much. Most fathers would've smiled or burst into tears or done something to show excitement but not Bruce. It was as if he was born with one face and that face was set in stone. Sure, he showed tiny bits of emotion but they were subtle and it took someone with great observation skills to see them. Santana and Janice happened to be two of these people.

However, giant tears leaked out of his eyes when he heard the news from Janice.

"Brittany's dead." Janice whispered to him while Santana was playing with Brittana in the living room. Bruce said nothing for a moment, his face unreadable. And then his eyes started shimmering and Janice couldn't believe it but he started crying. He wiped away the tears as they came but this was something that shocked his wife to no end. He had never cried in all the time that she knew him and here he was silently bawling. After a few seconds of battling the never ending onslaught of tears, he grabbed his keys and started for the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Drive." He replied and slammed the door shut. Bruce was still a man, Janice concluded, and she knew he was probably going off somewhere deeper into the country to let out his sorrow. Janice envied his luxury. After hearing Santana's confession, she too wanted to just wander off in the night and have a good cry. Her mothering instincts prevented her from taking off and leaving the girl by herself.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?" She offered. Santana looked up. "I find it helps to be close to someone." Santana smiled appreciatively.

"No thanks, I'm a big girl." She replied. Janice sank into the couch next to her, hoping that Max and Laney were fast asleep and wouldn't wake up anytime soon.

"This must be hard."

"You have no idea." Santana said.

"I'm sure I don't. I don't think I ever had a friend as close as Brittany was to you. I mean, Bruce is my closest friend and I don't think I could handle losing him." She replied.

"I guess it is hard." Santana admitted, spinning the ring on her finger.

"I don't know how you do it." Janice stroked the top of her head comfortingly. Santana shrugged.

"I don't know either." The two of them sat there in silence until Santana stood up.

"You going to bed?" Janice asked, not quite knowing how to comfort the girl. She watched the girl sadly as she walked up the stairs, shoulders slumped slightly forward as if a heavy weight was pressing her down. Janice covered her face and took in several deep breaths. She could still see the blond girl's shining smile, her ever cheerful and light hearted demeanor, and her innocent blue eyes. She remembered how calm her voice was even when she was screaming and pushing a baby out of her. She handled the whole situation with an air of "everything was going to be alright."

It was hard to imagine that angel now returned to heaven. With a heavy sigh, Janice stood up from the couch and went upstairs. She heard Santana on the floor above her flopping into bed and she checked on Max and Laney who were slumbering peacefully. She knew she'd have to tell Max one day, and Laney deserved to know about the girls who helped her into life once she was old enough. Max understood death, being on a farm where there were hundreds of animals made it hard to keep from the boy. But telling him that Brittany was dead would be a completely different matter. The boy asked about Brittany almost every day since they left, wondering when the blond would come play with him again. Janice rested her head against the doorway and let her body seize up in quiet remorse. She made a silent promise to take her whole family and pay respects to both Brittany and her family.

* * *

The bed she slept in now did not smell like Brittany. It made sense, the two of them had slept in Katie's guest bed for two weeks and only slept in this one for three days. It didn't make the ache go away. Santana curled up on her side of the bed, leaving room for where Brittany would've slept. Moonlight streamed in through a sky window and hit the bed exactly where her body would be. Santana tried to imagine the light illuminating Brittany's pale skin as she slept and it made her miss her so much more. The house creaked with age and the wind made two tree branches nearby rub together to make a groaning sound. Brittany had been a little scared of the noises and held onto Santana closer. Now that Santana was alone, she admitted that the sounds were a little disconcerting. She had to be brave for Brittany. This need prevented her from being scared of anything. It was interesting, really. Brittany needed Santana to comfort her fears but Santana needed Brittany to fuel her courage. Without her, Santana was just as scared as a kid in the dark.

And it was so very dark and cold without Brittany.

The first night, she had been so exhausted that she didn't notice all these small sounds and shadows that flickered in the corners. Now that she was more rested, she caught movements out of the corner of her eye, possibly a bird flying over the sky window but she couldn't be sure.

"Pull yourself together, Lopez." She muttered, closing her eyes. But the tree groaned again and she sat up. "This is stupid." She stood up and walked down a floor.

Janice was sitting in her bed knitting when Santana knocked softly on the door. The older woman looked up and saw her standing timidly and she pulled back the covers next to her. Santana walked into the dimly lit room and slipped into bed next to her.

"Your house is friggin scary." She muttered. Janice smiled and resumed her knitting. Santana couldn't hear the noises as much and she focused on sound of the two knitting needles working their way through yarn. The rhythmic clinks, the warmth of Janice's body next to hers and the dim yellow light on the other side of the room made Santana feel safe again and she soon slipped into a deep sleep.

In the morning, Santana awoke to the sound of Laney crying. Janice was still asleep and the woman stirred.

"Bruce, can you get Laney?" She muttered. Santana got out of bed, deciding it was best not to say anything. She went over to Laney's room and looked at the year old who was apparently uncomfortable with staying in her crib.

"Hey Laney? Do you remember me? I helped you out of your mom's womb." Santana whispered, picking her up. It was as if she did. Laney calmed down instantly and began smiling. Santana grinned back, bouncing her up and down lightly to calm her.

"Yeah, you remember me, don't you? I remember you." She cooed. She was such a pretty girl now, in complete contrast to what Santana remembered. There was so much blood, so much goo and the baby looked slightly deformed. Now she had bright blue eyes and brown curly hair and features more like her mother than her father.

"Santana?" Janice startled her and she jumped a little, causing Laney to bounce extra high. Laney laughed.

"Oh, sorry. I just...you told Bruce to get Laney but I mean, I'm not Bruce." Janice looked from the baby to Santana in wonder.

"She's always such a pain to calm down in the morning." She whispered, mouth slightly ajar with shock.

"She knows who delivered her." Santana joked. Janice shook her head in disbelief.

"Must be." Santana made a motion to hand Laney over to Janice but the minute she did, Laney started crying again.

"No no, you handle that." Janice said, walking away. When she did, Laney stopped and began smiling again. The toddler's attitude was infectious and Santana also smiled. It was a small smile but it was a start.

"You know." She said. "There was a girl who helped me deliver you. Well, she did all the work." Santana couldn't believe it but she was actually talking about Brittany without bursting into tears. "She...you would've loved her. If you think you liked me...then...God you would've loved her. I did. She and I..." Santana was surprised it got this far without her getting misty eyed. Maybe it was talking to someone who didn't understand what she was saying. "God...I loved her so much. I would've married her some day, maybe. Probably. And we would've come visited you lots." What Santana didn't know was that Janice hung on the other side of the wall, her hand clasped firmly around her mouth.

Bruce walked in the front door at around ten in the morning. His eyes were bloodshot from lack from lack of sleep and puffy from crying. He lumbered in as if nothing had happened. Janice doesn't even bother asking where he's been. There were really only two places, the bar and a Marty's. However, none of that concerned her. She grabbed his shirt and hauled him into the living room.

"Bruce, I know you're sad right now." She whispered. "But there's something you need to know about Brittany and Santana." He looked at her expectantly. She took a deep breath. "Bruce, they're gay." The big man blinked and wondered what exactly his wife was going on about. He shrugged and Janice balked. "Bruce, doesn't that bother you?"

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't know." She answered. "I just thought that I needed to tell you. It makes so much more sense and, oh god the poor girl."

"They helped deliver my beautiful Laney. And frankly, that's all I care about." Janice let out a sigh of relief. She was hoping her husband would only care about what mattered. He started for the kitchen to fix himself something to eat when he stopped. "And I knew. I've known since the second day they've been here."

Santana mostly mulled around the house that day. She took care of Laney since she apparently had magical parenting skills. Laney didn't cry once except when she took a step and tumbled onto the ground when Santana wasn't looking. It only took a few minutes of comforting her to calm her down.

"You'd make a great mother." Janice noted. Santana inwardly laughed at the notion. She'd make a horrible mother, a great baby sitter maybe, but Brittany would've made the better...

She stopped that thought as soon as she could. No more what-ifs, she told herself. Brittany was gone, and it was high time she accepted that. Still, she couldn't help but think about the future they had together and the things that they missed out on. And really, Brittany would've made the best mother ever. By the time the day ended, Santana felt a little better. Maybe it was because there was something in Laney that made Santana think that the trip was worth it after all.

When night fell, Janice fed a ravenous Santana and the mother thought that Santana was maybe coming out of the long depression. Certainly she seemed less sad than when she first arrived. Janice just worried that it might not be permanent. Just as Santana finished dinner and started to do the dishes, Bruce stopped her.

"Come with me." He said. Santana gave Janice a confused look. The older woman shrugged and Santana followed the hulking giant. The two of them got into the car and he drove. They drove towards the main road for a few minutes and he veered off onto another dirt path. It looked like it was hardly used since there was grass still growing but Santana could tell that someone, probably Bruce, had driven down this way recently. They stopped just short of a lake. Bruce got out and motioned for her to follow again. They waded down near the river where a small row boat bobbed in the water, tied to a nearby tree. Bruce undid the knot and got in. Santana made her way through the shallow water, not really caring that her shoes and pants were getting wet and hopped in as well. Bruce rowed with strong arms across the lake towards a small island that Santana mistook for a silhouette in the darkness. It took maybe 15 minutes for them to reach the island where he got out and docked the boat. Santana jumped out and looked around.

"Here." Bruce said, walking through the trees. They reached a small clearing, man made by the looks of it, where a small, one person sized cabin stood. It looked smaller than the living room back at the farm. There was a small fire pit in the front.

"What is this place?" Santana asked.

"It's my special place." Bruce answered. "I come here when I need to get away from things. I built it myself." Santana looked around.

"It's quaint." She said.

"It's quiet." He clarified. "Sometimes...you just need peace." He unlocked the cabin door. Santana wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do here but she felt touched. It was hard for the man to show compassion when he looked like he had the emotional capacity of a plank.

"You can stay here." He said. "I can pick you up in the morning or...we can go back." Santana shook her head.

"Thanks, Bruce." She looked inside the cabin. There was a bed, a sink and not much else. Plumbing clearly wasn't that big of a concern. She turned around and smiled. "I'll be good here. But don't forget me, ok?" He nodded and went back to the boat. Santana sat next to the fire pit and listened as the sounds of the oars splashing against the water got further and further away. She wondered what possessed her to accept this offer of sleeping on an island where the mosquitoes were sure to make quick work of her blood, where running water seemed like a distant dream and where she had no way off but to swim. Instead, she lay down on the bed. She gasped when she did. It wasn't apparent from the outside but there the ceiling right above the bed was composed of glass. She had the perfect view of the sky. It became apparent why Bruce liked spending time here. One could literally sleep under the stars.

"B...can you see this?" She whispered. "It's beautiful here." She felt her eyelids become heavier and heavier until they closed.

_Brittany sat next to her and she could feel her skin brushing against her own. She savored the feeling of it._

_ "I miss you." Brittany whispered._

_ "I want you back." Santana said. Brittany shook her head and smiled._

_ "You know I can't."_

_"Please? Just for one day?" Santana pleaded. "I want to be able to tell you everything I haven't."_

_"Can't you tell me now?" And Santana tried but nothing came out of her mouth. She wanted to tell Brittany that she'd love her forever, and that she regretted all those times that she ignored her feelings, or didn't kiss Brittany because she was scared someone would see, she wanted to apologize for not keeping an eye on her that last day. Instead, Brittany took her hand and kissed it. But even though Santana could see her lips touch the back of her hand, she couldn't feel it and it brought fresh tears to her eyes. When Santana tried to grasp her arm and pull her close, Brittany was gone._

_ "B?" Santana yelled looking around. "B!"_

_ "You know where to find me!" And the gentle peal of laughter echoed in Santana's mind._

Santana awoke with wetness on her cheek and she reached up to brush it away. She sat up, realizing that dawn was just breaking.

"B..." She whispered and held her hands close to her chest. She got out of bed and walked over to the water. She could barely make out Bruce on the other side, just starting to row out to her. She took a deep breath and made a resolve. When Bruce reached her, she couldn't wait to ask.

"Can I work here for the rest of the summer?" She all but shouted. Bruce, who was still by the water, paused for a moment. Santana needed to add more to that question. "Being here...it..." She struggled to find the words. "I don't know why or how but it's helping. It hurts less. I'm tired of feeling pain every single day. I may never recover completely but I have to try now." It was true. She had spent months in Cape Cod and it didn't do a thing for her. But spending two days here made her come to terms with the fact that Brittany was never coming back. That had to count for something, right?

"We'll check with Janice." Bruce said. "But I could always use another hand around the farm." Santana walked over and gave him a hug. He froze and looked startled for a moment but wrapped his arms around her, not crushing her this time.

"Thank you." Santana said.

When they got back to the house, Bruce pitched the idea. Janice stared at the two of them as if they were crazy for even asking.

"Honey, I've been prepared to take you in from the minute you stepped foot in this house." Janice replied. "As far as I'm concerned, you have a home here for as long as you want. Hell, you can bum around and do nothing for all I care." Santana smiled and Janice remembered just how pretty this girl was when she did. "There, I like that." She said.

"I won't bum around. I'll help out in anyway I can." Santana replied.

"Lord knows you're good with Laney. I need all the help I can get with her. I swear, that girl takes after my grandmother." Janice said. "But as always, you need to call your parents and get the clear from them. Santana grimaced at the thought but she knew it was the right thing to do.

Her mother cried and went on and on about how Santana was never coming home. Santana swore that it would only be until the end of the summer but her mother wanted her home. The two went back and forth with her mother telling her she was wasting her life and Santana arguing that it would be good for a college resume, citing it as volunteer work and life experience. When Santana's mother wouldn't budge, she gave in and told her the real reason.

"Mom, being here...I'm moving on." She said quietly. Her mother went silent and Santana wondered if she had heard. "I can think clearly again, I can talk about her death. Do you have any idea what that means?" She heard a muffled sob from the other end and suddenly her father was talking.

"Mija, you can't always pull that card." He said.

"I know, Dad. But this is good for me. What would I be doing back at Lima? Probably working some dead-end job, visiting her grave every night like I did before. Nothing would've changed. Here I have a chance, daddy." A moment of silence passed between them before he spoke.

"You are home in September. If you aren't back then, don't bother coming home." The receiver went dead. Santana let out a long sigh and put her phone back in her pocket. Janice came over to give her a hug.

"I'm staying until September." She announced. Janice rubbed her arms comfortingly.

"We're glad to have you." She replied. Santana smiled at her.

"I need some air." She said, pulling out of her embrace and walking out onto the porch. She gazed up at the bright morning sun. It was a new day, the beginning of a long process. Despite the conversation with her parents, she felt hopeful. It was finally time to start healing.


	13. Upstate New York, Memories III

_Upstate New York, Summer III_

Technically, Santana and Brittany didn't leave until the next day. They spent their last day on the farm exploring the vast landscape. Janice packed them a picnic lunch, telling the two to go have fun while she stayed home with the new baby. Brittany took Santana's hand as they left the house and Santana didn't even care who saw. She wondered if it was possible to die from happiness. The two walked about a couple of miles away, climbed hills, chased birds and took in the scenery. Neither could've asked for a more beautiful day. The sky was crystal clear with only trace clouds in the sky. When it got to be around noon, with the sun high above them, they sat in the shade of nearby trees and opened up the basket. Janice packed the two of them chicken salad sandwiches, some strawberries and grapes as well as two bottles of homemade lemonade. They ate with smiles, glancing at one another as if it were the first time they'd ever really looked at each other. Brittany had some bread crumbs on the side of her face and Santana reached over to brush them away. Brittany didn't know what was going on and kissed the tips of her fingers as they wandered close. Santana laughed and the blond wasn't sure if she had ever heard anything quite so melodious.

"B, I'm trying to clean your face." Santana said, trying again. This time Brittany bit gently on her fingers, flicking her tongue across the pads. Santana laughed again and leaned into kiss her. She put her hands on either side of Brittany's face, taking the opportunity to brush the crumbs off while the blond was distracted. When they parted, Brittany grabbed the lemonade and took a swig. As soon as she swallowed, she grabbed a grape and put it up against Santana's lips. Santana looked Brittany in the eye and took the fruit into her mouth as well as Brittany's fingers. Brittany's breath caught in her throat as she felt Santana lick her fingers clean. She pulled away, suddenly shy. Santana looked on smugly and Brittany noticed her expression. She stuck out her tongue.

"Careful, someone might bite it off." Santana warned. Brittany leaned over quickly and kissed her hard, all but shoving her down onto the grass. When she pulled away, it was Santana's turn to be flustered. She opened her mouth to say something but all that came out was the most adorable little squeak. Brittany burst into laughter, covering her mouth with one hand.

"Sh-shut up." Santana demanded, sitting up straight. "You surprised me, that's all."

"I love you so much." Brittany said, scooting over and resting a hand on her thigh. Santana "humphed" and folded her arms, turning away. Brittany seized this opportunity to nibble at her exposed ear, sending chills up Santana's spine.

"Oh you are so asking for it." Santana stood up, pulling Brittany with her. She slammed Brittany against the nearest tree and Brittany gasped in both pain and surprise as the bark scraped her back. Santana sucked hard on her neck and the blond's grip on her shoulders tightened.

"San..." She moaned. Santana raised and eyebrow and pulled away.

"That's all you're getting." She said, taking a step back. When she saw the damage she had done on Brittany's pale skin in a very visible area, she grinned. "I do good work."

"Hey!" Brittany exclaimed, clasping a hand over her neck. "What if Janice sees?"

"You got mauled by a squirrel." Santana replied, gathering up the remaining food. Brittany huffed.

"You're just lucky you don't bruise as easily." She pouted.

"You'll get it one day." Santana said.

"Stop eating so much iron! Then I'll get it!" Brittany retorted.

"Uh huh, sure." Santana said. By now the basket was packed and she stuck out her hand for the other girl to take. Brittany pouted but slipped her hand into Santana's. The two walked up the next hill and sat down on top of it. Brittany leaned her head against Santana's shoulder.

"Hey San?" She whispered.

"Mm?"

"Can we be like this forever?" Santana opened her mouth to object to the feasibility of that. Someday they were going to grow old, someday they were going to fall out of love and in love with someone more socially acceptable. They were going to have families, and grow apart and when they saw each other next, they'd wave at each other while taking their kids out to the park but it would never have the same intimacy that high school had. Because really, Santana thought, this is all there is. This small love, their first love, was going to last for the rest of high school, maybe the beginning of college if they went to the same place but that was it.

But what Santana thought and what Santana said were two completely different things.

"Sure, B." Brittany tightened her grip on Santana's hand.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I won't leave you." Santana replied. Brittany smiled and planted a kiss on her shoulder. The two stayed like that for a few seconds before Brittany yawned and stretched her arms. In doing so, she leaned too far back and started rolling down the hill.

"B!" Santana exclaimed, standing up. The girl came to a stop at the bottom, doubling over on the ground with laughter.

"That was fun!" She shouted. "Roll down, San!"

"That girl is going to kill me." Santana muttered to herself but she couldn't help but follow suit. When she reached the bottom of the hill, Brittany rolled over and positioned herself over the other girl. Her hair hung down by Santana's cheeks and blocked out the rest of the world. All Santana could see was the smiling, gorgeous face of Brittany and for a brief second, she knew she wouldn't love anyone as she loved Brittany.

"You're really pretty, San." Brittany whispered and the two kissed again. Santana sighed. How did she even let herself become this sappy, lovesick idiot? But when Brittany's eye lashes fluttered against her cheek, she remembered how.

"You drive me crazy, you know that, B?" Santana huffed. Brittany just grinned and tried her best to memorize her face.

A loud clap of thunder roared overhead and in seconds, rain was pouring down on top of them. The two girls shrieked and stood up, leaving the basket where it was on top of the hill and started running back towards the house. Just as the ranch came into sight, Brittany stopped and tilted her head up to catch the rain drops.

"What are you doing, B? We've got to get to cover!" Santana yelled.

"We're already soaked!" Brittany argued. Santana looked from her to the house and back again. She walked over to her.

"It's still freezing! I can't believe it, it was such a nice day! Where the hell did that even come from?" Brittany shrugged, her eyes shut against the pounding rain drops. Santana reached up and licked the rain from Brittany's neck, causing her eyes to snap open.

"San?" She whispered before the brunette caught her lips in a kiss. Brittany tasted sweet and sour and like rain and Santana could tell by the hunger she was exhibiting that they weren't going anywhere near the house for a while.

"Come here." Santana whispered, grabbing Brittany's hand and making a bee line for the barn. As soon as they were in, Santana pushed Brittany up against the wall, causing the whole side to shake. She lifted Brittany's shirt up and kissed the wetness on her chest and on her stomach. Brittany raised her arms to let the shirt slide up and over her head, to be discarded in a pile of hay.

"San..." She pleaded. "You're not going to tease me again, are you?" Santana looked up at her, not taking her lips off of her finely toned abs.

"No." She said with her lips still touching, her breath chilling the dampened skin. Brittany shuddered with anticipation as Santana slowly moved down to her waist. She unbuttoned her jeans and with her teeth, pulled the zipper down. Brittany had never seen anything so damned hot and she ran her fingers through Santana's wet hair, coaxing her down. She tugged off her shorts and underwear in one go and Santana was there. She hoisted Brittany's legs on her shoulder so that Brittany was mostly using her upper body to stay up. Her eyes flew open when Santana flicked her tongue against her and she let out a low growl, matched by the rumble outside the house.

"San..." She hissed, finding it harder and harder to keep herself up against the wall. She was going to fall, she was going to completely break if Santana kept at it. Santana did and after a while, she felt all the muscles in Brittany's body tense sharply and she arched off of the wall, putting more pressure on Santana's shoulders. She fell backwards, luckily onto some hay and the force of it caused Santana to pull back a little.

"No." Brittany groaned, gripping Santana's hair and pulling her back. Santana eagerly returned to the task at hand and Brittany screamed, a particularly large clap of thunder following a split second after. Santana kissed down Brittany's thighs and back up her stomach, up her chest and neck and finally to her lips.

"I love you." Brittany murmured and Santana let her snuggle up against her.

"We'll wait here for the rain to end." Santana said but she received no reply. Brittany had already fallen asleep.

* * *

When they said their goodbyes the next morning, Santana got misty eyed and had to jump in the car to avoid being seen. Brittany hugged both Janice and Bruce extra tightly and Max bawled. Brittany promised them that they would come visit.

"You'd better or we'll have Mounty come hunt you down." Janice swore. Brittany flashed them the brightest smile and hopped into the car with Santana. She drove, not wanting to look back at the family for fear that she might have to pull over and have a good cry. Santana Lopez does not get sentimental.

"That was so much fun! Let's go back and see them again! I want to see Laney, and the puppies and Max!" Brittany said excitedly.

"Maybe next year." Santana replied.

"I'm going to send them cards and presents for Christmas too!"

"Ok." Santana looked over at Brittany who was trying to brush the hair out of her face. The top of her car was down so the wind whipped through her blond locks furiously. Santana reached over with one hand to help. Brittany caught her hand and kissed her fingertips, knowing how much Santana liked that. They intertwined their fingers and kept it like that for the rest of the drive home.

* * *

A week passed and Santana was miserable. Lima offered nothing for them and she actually wanted to go back to Janice and the farm. Hell, she'd be happy even going back to Katie's place, Trisha being there and all. She was bored out of her mind and she couldn't do all the things she wanted to with Brittany in public. The two mostly stayed inside, sometimes going out for a jog but Santana wanted to hold Brittany's hand and kiss her in the park where the stretched.

They still had lots of sex though, perhaps too much. One time, Santana had Brittany pinned to the couch, skin sliding against skin. Their clothes lay in a path from the door to the living room, evidence of their frantic need to touch each other. Just as Santana started moving lower, the front door opened and her mother, arms full of groceries, walked in.

"Santana I..." She saw the mess on the floor and her eyes followed it to the two terror stricken, naked girls on the couch. All the blood drained from Santana's face as she grabbed pillows, trying to cover the two of them. Her mother said nothing and went into the kitchen. She put down the groceries. Brittany gathered up all of her clothes, slipping on her shirt and shorts, not bothering with undergarments. She tried to tiptoe out the door.

"Girls, in here, now." Her mother demanded. Brittany winced and took Santana's hand. The two walked into the kitchen where her mother was just downing two aspirins.

"Santana Lopez." Her mother hissed.

"Mom, listen..."

"I told you specifically to do the dishes when I left and yet here they are..."

"Mom I..." Santana stopped. "Wait what?"

"Dishes, mija." Her mother snapped.

"What?" Santana said in a louder voice. Her mother looked over at Brittany.

"Brittany, please, go put some underwear on. I will not have you walking around holding that in your hands. Lord knows what the neighbors will think if they see you." Brittany dumbly nodded and scuttled of to the bathroom. Santana sat in a chair, dumbfounded.

"And you." Her mother said. "You know what happens when the dishes are left out like this. It become impossible to clean! You're responsible for making sure all that caked gunk gets off the pans, you hear?" Santana blinked. She wasn't even sure how to respond. Did her mother know what was going on? Did she even understand that they were having...

"And Mija, for the love of all things good, don't have sex on the couch. We have glass windows, anyone can look in. Take that up to your room." Ok, it was official. Santana had entered the twilight zone or she was dreaming. This was anything but reality.

"Mom...?" She asked. "You do know that Brittany's a girl right?"

"Yes, don't you?" Her mother replied curtly.

"Um..." Her mother folded her arms.

"I am not blind, deaf, nor stupid. And you girls are anything but quiet. God, how many times do you think I've had to tell your father that you two were probably just 'having a bad dream.'" Santana turned bright red. She thought that the doors were more sound proof than that. "Mija, you and Brittany have been together years now. Mothers aren't as stupid as you believe. Plus, I suppose it runs in the family. Your aunt Haley's been dating girls and boys since she was 13, bit of a tramp, that woman, but I love her nonetheless. You probably get that from her."

"Mom, you don't 'get' anything from someone you're not a direct descendant of." Santana corrected because it was the only thing she could think of to say.

"She was a smart-ass like you too." Her mother replied.

"So you're ok with this?"

"Ok with my daughter and her friend having sex all over the house? No. I'm still a mother. I will never be comfortable with that. Ok with the fact that you like Brittany? Yeah, I think I am. Lord knows I've had enough time to get used to it." Santana sat in silence until Brittany got back.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Lopez." She said quickly.

"Brit, just go home." Mrs. Lopez sighed. "And take Santana with you. It's about time you used your house." Brittany gave her a confused look and Santana grabbed her hand. The two were out the door before Santana's mother could add anything else.

"What's going on?" Brittany asked as they got into the car.

"I have no fucking clue." Santana replied. "No fucking idea what messed up dream I'm in."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah! Yeah it is!" Santana said. "That's what's messed up about it! I thought my mom was going to freak out, ship me off to Jesus camp or something and she gets on my case about the dishes I'm supposed to do! Oh, and Brit, you need to learn how to not make any noise next time we have one of our sleepovers. Apparently my mom has the hearing of a cat and has known that we've been having sex for years." Brittany turned red, then pale.

"She what...?"

"Yeah! And she's ok with it! Well, not all around the house but she's ok with it!" Santana said, completely flustered.

"That's a good thing...right?" Brittany clarified.

"Yeah! I guess it is! Everything is peachy!" It took hours for Brittany to calm her down and tell her that, in fact, everything was alright.

* * *

Her mother never stopped surprising her. She lay on the couch the next day, moaning but not from pain. She was bored out of her mind. Brittany was hanging out with the Glee losers and as much as Santana liked Glee, she wasn't ready to be "best buds" with any of them.

"Mija, stop that." Her mother said from the kitchen.

"I'm boooorreedd." She whined.

"That's your fault. You could be having just as much fun as Brittany if you had gone to the movies with the rest of the glee kids.."

"With those mouth breathers? No way."

"Then stop complaining." Santana rolled over and pressed her face into a pillow. She heard her mother walk over to her.

"I just want to hang out with Brittany." She said. "It's the friggin summer."

"I agree completely." Her mother said. She set something down on the table and Santana reached over to grab it. It was a credit card of some sort.

"Sweet, finally." Santana said, sitting up.

"It has the money that would've gone to your cheerleading camp." Her mother said. "I can't believe I'm saying this but you should do something with Brittany this summer and I'm giving you the money." Santana stared at her mother in disbelief.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm serious. Think of it as an early graduation gift. Do something fun, go to Cedar Point or something." Santana thought for a moment and then had a better idea.

"Hey mom, what about a road trip? Would you let me do that with Brittany?" She asked. Her mother looked at her.

"Where were you thinking of going?"

"Well, Brittany wanted to see the sunset from California. I was thinking maybe we could stay with Aunt Haley and Uncle Jacob."

"That's a long drive." Her mother noted.

"Yeah, hence the road trip. Please? We'll be safe, we'll call every night!" Santana folded her hands together and gave her mother the biggest puppy eyes she could manage. "It would make both of us so happy." Her mother threw up her hands in defeat

"Better than have you sit around on your lazy ass groaning all day." She replied. Santana squealed with joy and hugged her mother.

"You are the best person in the world!"

"And the worst mother. God, what would the other moms think if I told them I was letting my daughter run around free."

"I won't tell." Santana winked and then laughed all the way up the stairs. Her mother watched her go, shaking her head in defeat.

Early the next morning, Santana pulled into Brittany's driveway with a small suitcase in the back. She called Brittany on her cellphone. When she heard Brittany answer it with a sleepy, "hello", she jumped straight into the good news.

"B?" She asked.

"San? It's like...7 in the morning..."

"Look outside." After a second, Brittany's sleepy face appeared in the window. She looked confused.

"What's going on?" Santana could hardly contain her excitement. Her voice was shaking with it.

"Pack your bags, B. We're going to California."


	14. Upstate New York, 5 Years Ago III

Author's note: So, I just realized that you can probably make this into two separate fanfics. I mean, they compliment each other well but if you really want to, you could only read the "memories" chapters and leave without crying. Just a thought. Of course, why would you want to do that? :D

_Upstate New York, 5 Years Ago III_

There was a fine line between forgetting and moving on. Santana learned that from Cape Cod. Forgetting was a band-aid and what she needed were stitches. She worked hard on the farm and the first couple of days her whole body ached in the morning but she was used to it from cheerleading. Old Santana would've balked at the thought of manual labor. New Santana found it rewarding. It was the perfect thing to take her mind off of Brittany during the day. At night, she thought a little about her before she went to bed and found that with every passing day, the hurt scabbed over a little more. That's not to say that she didn't have nights where she cried into her pillow uncontrollably but those moments happened less and less as the weeks wore on.

Bruce and Janice were happy to have Santana around. It gave Janice more time to help out at the motel where she worked as housekeeping to help Bruce pay the bills. Santana took care of Laney and drove Max to the bus stop every morning. Then she returned to help Bruce herd the animals into the fields, cared for Laney and then after Janice came back, helped Bruce bring the animals back in. It wasn't perfect, Santana thought to herself, but it was good. And really, that's was more than she could hope for. And for a long time, Santana felt content. She wasn't happy, no, she hadn't felt that since Brittany died and she sincerely doubted if that feeling would ever return but this was the best she was going to get in a while. Janice, Bruce, Max, Laney and even the puppies became her new family. She didn't forget her old one, Janice made sure she called every week just to put her family's mind at rest.

But as all things do, summer came to an end. By late August, Santana realized that the trees were turning red, yellow and orange, signaling the incoming fall. Her heart hung heavily in her chest as she remembered that she was going to have to go home. Each day got a little shorter and went by a little faster. Santana knew one thing; she wasn't ready to leave.

"So you're going home in a week?" Janice asked. Santana probed her meatloaf sadly, not particularly hungry. Janice fed Laney a spoonful of mashed broccoli which the girl spit out promptly.

"I don't want to." Santana said.

"Honey, you promised your parents. I can't keep you away from them." Santana knew Janice was right. She had promised her parents she'd be back in September and that date was quickly barreling towards her. She asked her mother whether she meant early September or late September, knowing full well the answer. Her mother answered in a voice that Santana didn't question.

"You are back the first of September." Santana grew to hate that date. She marked it on her calendar and drew a fat red "X" through it.

Santana wasn't hungry enough to eat anymore of the food in front of her. She excused herself from the table and went into the living room. Max was watching television from the floor, propped up on pillows and his elbows. He seemed quite comfortable where he was but when Santana sat down on the couch, he scrambled up and sprawled into her lap.

"Is it true?" He asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Mommy says you're leaving. You're not leaving, are you, Santy?" Santana stroked his hair. She could tell that he was sleepy and this probably wasn't a good time to get him riled up.

"I have to go home." She replied. Inside, she wondered if she could even call it that. She'd been happy there a time ago but now...

"Mommy says that you've got a home here." He started sucking his thumb. Instinctively, Santana moved his hand away from his mouth.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." She suggested.

"No." Max resisted. "I don't want you to leave!" He started crying. "I don't want you to leave, San!" Santana tried to calm the now bawling boy but he was inconsolable. His mother peeked into the living room to see what was going on but Santana gave her a reassuring smile. She nodded in understanding and went back to cleaning the kitchen. She let him cry into her lap, his small hands fisted in her shirt. It didn't take long for him to cry himself into exhaustion. When he finally fell asleep in her lap, Santana scooped him up in her arms and carried him upstairs. She tucked him into bed where he mumbled something and curled into a ball, his thumb in his mouth again. Santana pulled it away gently before placing a kiss on his forehead. She looked around at his room. Max loved airplanes, he vowed to be a pilot someday so naturally his room was themed so. He had airplane wallpaper, airplane comforters and toys scattered around his room. As Santana scooped up his belongings and put them in place, she felt a slight pang of regret leaving him. She'd been such an integral part of his life, making him lunch, picking him up and dropping him off, playing with him and such. She couldn't help but feel like she was abandoning him.

_"Like you abandoned your friends?" _A voice in her head asked bitterly. Santana shook her head trying to forget about that. She remembered that her mother had mentioned the same thing.

"They're worried, mija. Can't we just tell them where you are?"

"Just let them know I'm alive." Santana replied coldly.

"Why are you doing this to them? What did they do to you?" Santana bit her lip. It wasn't that they did anything to her, it was that she was a little ashamed to see them or to talk to them. She had just disappeared one day and she felt a little embarrassed that she put them through what they must've gone through. And she didn't want to see them without having moved on.

"I can't, ok? I know they'll come looking." Especially Puck. That boy would drive right on over and drag her out of the house in a bag if he needed to. He'd probably take her back to Lima and tell her to get her life back in order. He meant well but he was a bit of a brute when it came to these things. It was the only way he knew how to operate. Sometimes it was good but Santana didn't want to test that. "They can deal." That was the end of that.

Santana wandered over to the barn, clutching Picasso close to her chest. As she exited the house, she caught the attention of Brittana who followed her. Brittana formed a close attachment to Santana very early on for some reason. She later found out from Max why they named that puppy in particular.

"See her eyes?" Max said, pointing. Santana looked over at the happy puppy. One of her eyes was a dark brown and the other was a shade of blue almost identical to Brittany's. "You have brown eyes and Brittany has blue eyes!" _Had..._Santana thought.

Brittana didn't like leaving Santana's side. She would accompany her when she took the sheep out to the fields and would curl up at her bedside (sometimes even next to her) at night. Janice told her that she should take Brittana when she left, otherwise the poor thing would die of a broken heart. Santana promised that as soon as she could, she'd come back for her.

But dogs couldn't climb ladders and so Brittana laid down right under it as Santana disappeared from view, whining slightly. Santana opened the doors on the top floor and sat down near the edge, placing the stuffed duck near her in exactly the same place that Brittany had sat so many months ago.

"I'm not ready." She whispered. "God...it's been almost a year, B and I'm still not ready to go back to Lima." She looked over at the misshapen duck.

"You are ready." Santana jumped when she heard Janice's voice. The woman pulled herself up and sat down on the other side of the stuffed animal.

"Evesdropping?" Santana asked but she didn't mind.

"Old folks like me don't have much shame." Janice chuckled.

"Old? I'd say you have one or two kids left in you." Santana joked.

"Hah! Only if you deliver them!" Janice replied, shaking her head. Santana dropped her gaze.

"Brittany did most of the work." She said.

"Sweetie...she was shaking the whole time. The only reason she was able to get through that whole mess was because you were there holding her hand." Santana looked over at the older woman and smiled thankfully. The two sat in silence, the cool autumn air flooding the barn.

"I'm glad my car broke down." Santana said softly.

"So am I." Janice put her arm around the girl and pulled her close, squishing the duck in between them. "You are ready." Santana sighed. She sincerely hoped so.

* * *

It was three days before Santana had to leave. She was packing up her things, looking sorrowfully at the room around her. She was definitely going to miss the old house, even if it made creepy sounds late at night. She really didn't want to leave and she found herself looking for any excuse to stay a little longer. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, an opportunity arose just as she tossed the last of her clothes into her suitcase.

"Oh fuck! SANTANA!" Janice's voice was unnaturally loud and slightly urgent. If there was something Santana learned quickly, it was that Janice was lethargically calm. Her entire birthing of Laney was a testament to that so any time that her voice even hinted at panic, it was usually something huge. Santana dropped everything and bolted downstairs. Janice had Bruce's arm slung over her shoulder. The big man's face was twisted in pain and he clutched at his leg. His shin looked like someone had bent it in half and bone protruded from the skin. Blood seeped onto the floor and the man let out a stream of quiet curses.

"What the hell happened?" Santana demanded, rushing over so that Bruce could put his other arm around her shoulders.

"Fucking...fucking roof." Bruce said through gritted teeth. They sat him down and Janice immediately started running a tub of water. She grabbed towels and applied them to where it was bleeding. Bruce let out a loud curse and winced in pain.

"What about the roof?" Santana asked, trying to get him to ignore the pain.

"Fuck...I was trying to...to fix a hole in the barn roof." He sucked in air sharply when Janice started setting the bone. "Fuck, fuck, and I slipped and fell off..."

"You're lucky this is all that happened." Janice said. Her voice was full of concern.

"Yeah...well, what the hell are we going to do now?" Bruce demanded. "Harvest season is coming up. I need to be up and about."

"We'll get Colby to do it." Janice wrapped his leg in a splint that she made from her cutting board.

"Colby has school!" Bruce replied. "Boy can't help us."

"I'll take off more time from the motel." Janice snapped. "Honey, you're in no condition to be doing anything."

"I'll stay." Santana blurted. The two froze and looked over at the brunette. "I'll stay." Her voice was firmer this time.

"No, no you aren't." Janice replied but Santana could tell that she wasn't insistent on the idea.

"I'm staying. You need help."

"Your parents. Santana you are going home. We cannot ask you to stay on account of Bruce here being as graceful as an ox." Santana stared at Janice with an expression that the older woman couldn't fight. "But your parents..."

"They'll be fine." Santana lied. She knew her mother and father meant what they said when they told her she wouldn't be part of the family if she didn't come home. "I'll call them up right now." She whipped out her cellphone and dialed her home phone number. Her mother answered.

"Hey, mom."

"Santana! How are you? You're coming back in a few days, right?" Santana took in a deep breath and walked away so that neither Bruce nor Janice could hear if things went horribly wrong. Her father picked up the other phone in the house, the one upstairs.

"San?" He asked.

"Hi daddy?"

"Good to hear your voice. I was thinking maybe we could take you out to dinner when you come back on Friday." He said. Both of them sounded so excited to see her and Santana felt like a horrible child.

"Mom, dad...I'm not coming home on Friday."

"Excuse me?" Her father's voice wavered.

"Bruce got into an accident. His leg...he broke his leg and he can't work." Santana explained. "I need to stay and help out, please, mom, dad, please understand."

"I don't care if the whole farm dies, you are coming home on Friday." Her father all but yelled. Her mother went oddly quiet. Santana had to press on.

"I need to help them."

"No, you _want_ to help them. They got along fine without you before and they'll do it again."

"I'm staying." Santana said, her voice unfaltering. A long silence passed by.

"Then, then you are not our daughter anymore. We've spent too much time worrying about you and you don't care for a second how we feel." Her father's voice was shaking with rage.

"Honey..." Her mother said, clearly crying.

"Hang up the phone." Santana's father commanded. "Damn it, do it now!" Santana heard a click. "We don't know you anymore." And the other line went dead as well. Santana's hand trembled as she put her phone back into her pocket. That had gone over about as well as a plane crash. She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a cry.

"Santana?" Janice whispered, walking up close. Santana swallowed the sob that rose in her throat. She took a deep breath and turned around, forcing a smile.

"They agreed." She replied. Janice looked at her skeptically, knowing full well that she was lying.

"San..." Janice warned, moving closer. Santana brushed by her and sat down next to Bruce, still trying to fake normalcy.

"Let's get you to a proper hospital, ok?" Santana asked. Bruce nodded dumbly, groaning in pain when Santana helped him to his one good leg. They hobbled out the front door, Janice's gaze following the pair. She knew something had gone wrong with the conversation. It wasn't hard to see the tears brimming in the girl's eyes. But even in her wildest dreams she didn't know exactly what Santana had sacrificed for them.

Santana threw herself straight into work, not wanting to dwell on the fact that she wasn't sure if she had a home to return to once Bruce got better. She contemplated staying with Janice and Bruce for a longer time but she had to go home and salvage what she had left of a family. Bruce mostly stayed indoors, sometimes hobbling out on his crutch to watch what Santana was doing and grunt comments on how she should be herding the sheep or grooming the chickens or, on a rare occasion, complimenting her. Another month rolled by and soon Bruce was walking on two legs again. Santana looked at the calendar. She had a new date circled on it, October 23rd. It was the day she swore to herself that she would return to Lima. She would help Bruce out during the harvesting season but she promised herself that she'd leave after that.

* * *

It was the 22nd and Santana was out watching the flock again. The skies were dark and clouds hung low, heavy with rain. The sheep were all fine and Brittana, Mounty and DeScala watched them with sharp eyes. Santana heaved a sigh, knowing that tomorrow she would find out whether her parents really meant for her to stay estranged. More importantly, she needed to visit Brittany's grave and see if being away for so long truly made the hurt lessen. She played with a blade of grass and laid down on the ground, looking up at the sky. Uncertainty set in. She was going back to Lima, there was no question in her mind about that. The other glee members had probably left for college or whatever it was they were doing so Santana wasn't particularly worried about them. But maybe she had no where to go, maybe she wasn't ready to face her demons yet.

The sky above her rumbled and opened up finally. Rain poured down on top of her. She got up off of the ground and started running for the barn. The dogs didn't seem to mind and neither did the sheep and they were probably going to be in the exact same place after the rain had passed so Santana decided to save herself. As she reached the top of the hill that overlooked the ranch, she saw the silhouette of two girls dashing into the barn. Her heart stopped for a moment as she realized that the rain was probably playing tricks on her brain. Nevertheless, she raced down to the barn and flung the doors open.

"Hello?" She shouted. There was no response. She looked around and a shadow caught her eye. She looked over to the right side of the barn and a bird flew out of the hay and outside. Santana swallowed and slowly made her way over to the wall. She reached out and touched the wood, closing her eyes. She tried to bring back the feeling of Brittany's wet skin sticking to her own. She rested her head against the wood.

"B..." She whispered. "I'm coming home." She stayed like that for a moment before going back outside. The rain was cascading from the sky and she heard Janice shouting from the porch for her to go back inside. Santana spread her arms as if welcoming the downpour and she tilted her head back, opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, tasting the droplets as they came down. She knew just how she looked, mouth gaping, tongue hanging out like a dog. She could also feel tears streaming down the sides of her face, warm in contrast to the freezing fall rain. But she didn't care how stupid it was, or that she was probably going to catch a cold getting soaked. _Fitting..._she thought. Something choked and hoarse emerged from her throat and Santana didn't recognize what the sound was at first. It took the second time for her to realize that it was a laugh. She was laughing, oh God she was genuinely laughing. She laughed at the absurdity, at the coincidence of it all. She laughed at herself for being so silly. And even though it lasted only a few seconds, God, it had been so long and Santana stood in the rain for a little while longer, savoring the scratchy feeling that the laughter left in the back of her throat.

When the day came for Santana to finally leave, she found herself ready. The goodbye this time was not just Santana jumping in the car and speeding away. She properly hugged every one of them, even Laney who cried when Santana gave her back. Max jumped into Santana's arms and Bruce had to pry him away.

"I'll be back." Santana promised. Janice gave her a kiss on the cheek, her eyes overflowing with tears.

"You'd better. Otherwise..."

"You'll have Mounty hunt me down." Santana finished with a smile. Janice's lip trembled and she leaned in for another hug.

"You take care." The woman whispered.

"I will." Santana got into the car. She rolled down the window and drove off slowly, waving at them as they became mere specks in the windshield. Her time in New York had passed. It was time to go back to Lima.


	15. Las Vegas, Nevada, Memories

Author's note: See this? → D: This is an unhappy face on my part if you don't review. A sad author doesn't update so often. See this? → :D This is a happy face on my part if you do review and a happy author updates daily. Let's keep the comments coming, keep my face like this :D

_Las Vegas, Nevada, Memories_

Santana was pretty sure that her ears were going to be ringing for the rest of the day. When she told Brittany that they were going to California, the girl screamed so loudly she woke up half the block. Her mother thought a kidnapper had snuck into her room and they raced upstairs to find Brittany throwing clothes in a bag. To be fair, their fears weren't too far off as they looked outside to see Santana waiting for her to get all of her clothes and essentials ready. Brittany kissed both her parents goodbye and raced out the door before they could say no.

"Step on it!" She said, throwing her arms around Santana, causing her to swerve and nearly hit the mailbox while reversing.

"B! I'm driving." Santana said but she wasn't angry, she was laughing right along with Brittany. By the time they hit the highway, Brittany had calmed down a bit, despite still bouncing in her seat.

"I love you! I love you!" She kept repeating. Normally, this would've irritated Santana but she loved hearing those words so she shut her mouth and let Brittany work out her excitement. After an hour of nonstop bouncing, Brittany promptly fell asleep in her seat and Santana took this opportunity to take a few exits that weren't planned. She unfolded a list of sights to see before they reached California.

So for the next two weeks, Santana and Brittany traveled at a leisurely pace to San Francisco. They visited every uncelebrated tourist attraction, from the lunchbox gallery to the miniature museums that seemed to crop up in every state. They took a southwest direction of driving because Santana wanted to hit up the Painted Desert and Las Vegas before they made their way up the coast to San Francisco to where her cousins stayed. Brittany had never been to the west coast before and Santana made the journey every now and again with her parents, first by car, then by plane. She remembered when they were little driving through the Arizona desert and being awed by the multicolored mountains out the window. She wanted that experience for Brittany as well.

"San?" Brittany asked, her voice barely audible over the rushing wind.

"Mm?" Santana replied.

"Thank you." Brittany said, leaning her head against Santana's shoulder.

"For what?"

"For this. This has been the best summer I've ever had. I've seen so many cool things and being with you is amazing." Brittany grinned in the fading light and Santana knew she'd never seen anything quite so beautiful.

"I'm glad you're happy." Santana said, turning her head to kiss the mess of hair.

"I am happy, San. Even if we just stayed in Lima, I'd be happy with you."

"Ugh, you're so cheesy." Santana laughed. Brittany closed her eyes.

"You smell good." She said. The brunette shook her head. She smelled like cheap motel shampoo but Brittany had rotated herself so that she had her chin resting on Santana's shoulders, breathing in her scent. "You smell like Santana."

"And what does 'Santana' smell like?" She asked curiously.

"Mm..." Brittany smiled, thinking about it. "Like...like a humid summer night." She gently nibbled at Santana's ear, causing her to swerve.

"Jesus, B! Don't do that now! I'm driving." But Brittany raked her nails along Santana's exposed midriff, playing with the hem of her pants.

"Can you not be driving now?" Brittany asked innocently. Santana grumbled and pulled over onto the side of the road and practically lunged for the blond.

"You are so getting it. I'm making sure you sleep the rest of the car ride." Santana promised. Brittany in turn closed her eyes to the sensation of Santana biting and licking her skin.

"I'm ok with that." She whispered and gave herself completely to the black haired girl.

A half an hour later, Santana looked at herself in the rear view mirror. Her hair was a mess and she winced when she rested her shoulder blades against the seat. Brittany had done a number on her, leaving large red marks where she scratched. Said girl was passed out cold in the passenger's seat and Santana huffed, starting the car again. It wasn't the first time Brittany had asked her to pull over and it certainly wasn't going to last. She wondered if they were even going to make it to California by the end of the summer with how much Brittany wanted some "private time" in the car. Santana sighed, looking at the girl in defeat but inwardly, she didn't care either way.

When they got to the Painted Desert a few days later, the look on Brittany's face made all the pit stops, the sore shoulders and legs, the itchy cheap motel rooms and the many times that Santana had to intervene when some idiot decided Brittany was going to be the conquest for the day (oh did Santana get her aggression out) worth it. As soon as the first rocks rolled into view, Brittany's eyes widened with amazement.

"San! San do you see that?" She gasped.

"Yeah, B. I see it." Santana said, breaking into a smile. She slowed the car down so that Brittany could get a better look but more importantly, she slowed down so she could watch Brittany's face as her jaw dropped and she gazed at the scenery with her bright, excited blue eyes.

"It's so pretty..." Brittany breathed.

"Not as pretty as you." The words were out of her mouth before Santana could even stop them. She hit her head against the wheel.

"Fuck, stupid, cheesy." She muttered but Brittany was gazing at her as if she had fallen in love with her for the first time. Brittany stayed quiet though, knowing how embarrassed Santana must've been. It's a moment that the blond filed into the back of her memory so she could remember it forever; the day Santana finally said something so sweet that it made her teeth hurt.

They drove for hours with Santana still mentally kicking herself over and over again and Brittany both looking at the other girl in adoration and the multicolored mountains and rocks in awe. When they pulled up to the hotel, the sun was just sinking behind one particularly tall mountain.

"Pretty soon it'll be the ocean that's setting over." Santana said. Brittany took her hand.

"I can't wait." She replied, nuzzling the side of Santana's face. Santana blushed.

"Well I can." She responds. "My cousins are crazy as all hell." Brittany grinned and poked Santana in the side, causing her to squeak a little.

"I guess that's where you get it from." She teased, poking her again. She knew the exact spot where Santana was ticklish and she knew it would spark an all out war that usually ended up with them wrestling in bed in the way she liked best. Santana frowned and poked her back and Brittany let out a sharp cry. They raced each other, having an all out tickle war in the lobby of the motel. The man at the front desk rolled his eyes. _Kids..._he thought.

"May I help you?" He asked.

"Yes, reservation under 'Lopez'." Santana said, fending off another attack. The man sighed, he hated his job sometimes but he looked up the name.

"Yes, here it is, room 201. Here's your key." He paused for a moment, letting the computer process the request. He grabbed the cardkey from the holder and presented it to Santana. Santana took the key and chased Brittany up the stairs, their laughter echoing down the hallway. The man at the front desk rubbed his temples, then returned to playing his 185th game of solitare.

* * *

It was night time and Santana awoke with a start. The first thing she noticed was the aching pain in her neck from driving all day. The second thing she noticed was that the spot next to her is cold and empty. She sat up and looked around.

"B?" She waited for a response. The bathroom light wasn't on and she also couldn't see Brittany's shoes by the door. She got up and slipped into her flipflops. She pulled back the curtains to see if maybe Brittany had gone out for a walk. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness and noticed a light figure on the hood of her car. Santana grabbed the cardkey and went outside.

"Brit, what the hell are you doing?" She all but yelled as she approached the car. Brittany looked up.

"Oh! San!" She exclaimed.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" She demanded.

"Um...watching the stars?" Brittany offered. "They're so bright out here." When Santana shot Brittany a disbelieving look, she caved. "I kinda got locked out. I went outside to get some ice but I forgot to get the key. I didn't want to wake you so..."

"So you were planning on spending the whole night here?" Santana said in an exasperated manner. Brittany looked at the ground and nodded. Santana sighed in frustration and rubbed at her temples, the sore neck certainly not helping the migraine.

"The stars are really bright..." Brittany offered, scooting over on the hood and patting the spot next to her. At this point, Santana's too tired and too relieved that Brittany hadn't been somehow abducted in the middle of the night to protest. She got on top of the car and looked up.

"They are bright." Santana admitted with some surprise. Brittany smiled and leaned her head close to Santana's. She raised her arm and pointed, drawing shapes in the sky.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked.

"Shapes! I'm seeing what shapes are in the sky." She replied.

"What do you see?" Santana decided to humor Brittany a little. The blond furrowed her brow in thought.

"Um...a jellyfish." She said, pointing up and drawing. Santana didn't see it so she leaned closer to Brittany's arms, trying to make out the figure in the sky. Brittany traced it again but Santana still couldn't follow.

"Ok..." Brittany said. "How about this one!" She made some sort of round-ish motion with her finger. Santana shrugs, not comprehending. "It's a piece of lettuce!" Santana turned her head to look at Brittany. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to her head.

"You do not see a piece of lettuce." Santana insisted.

"Yes, I do!" Brittany shot back. Santana folded her arms angrily, though she wasn't sure if it was because Brittany was now making up things or that Santana didn't have half the creativity Brittany had to see all sorts of objects in the sky. Brittany glanced over, sensing Santana's unhappiness. She looked back at the sky, trying to pick out another shape.

"San?" She whispered.

"What?" Santana replied with a little more force than she meant.

"How about this one?" And she drew a shape that even Santana could make out. "Do you see it?" Santana couldn't help but smile.

"A heart." She answered and Brittany kissed her on the cheek.

"Yup." Santana looked around and suddenly she could see hearts in the stars everywhere.

"There's one." Santana pointed and drew another one to the far left of their vision. Brittany followed, nodding. "And another. And there's a really small one." And as silly as it was, Santana and Brittany spent the rest of the night drawing hearts in the sky.

* * *

They reached Las Vegas in the afternoon the next day since it wasn't too far of a drive from the motel. By the time they reached their new hotel, they were both starving. Santana suggested they go out for dinner and they pick the first thing they find that won't break their budget. It turned out to be a small bar and grill by the name of _Maddie's_. It seemed like a decent place and they walked in. A woman with dirty blond curly hair that didn't grow past her shoulders seated them, introducing herself as "Sid." The woman was friendly, though her hazel eyes gleamed a little...off was the best way Santana could describe it. Still, it was good to order food and they did so as quickly as possible.

The place was clean and painted a dark blue and purple. Neon lights glowed in the booths, above the stage and along the floors. The bar itself was blacklit and the alcohol lined up on the opposite side glowed eerily. The woman working at the bar had dark, messy and spiky hair. She wore a cut off t-shirt, some biker gloves and sported several tattoos and ear piercings and generally looked like she could easy take on anyone who got too rowdy. This was good because not moments after Santana and Brittany received their food, a fight broke out between two men at the bar, presumably over some spilled drink as evidenced by a large stain on one of the man's shirt. The other bartender, a petite chubby woman, rushed out from behind the counter to stop them but wound up getting flung hard towards the bar. She hit her head with a sickening crack and went out cold. This was when the biker chick literally jumped over the bar and shoved the two away. Given how drunk both men were, one lost his balance and stumbled over to Brittany. He gave her a good look over.

"Hey, pretty lady..." He drawled, his breath stinking of cheap whiskey. Brittany shirked, moving to the other end of the booth. He reached out and stroked her cheek and then went so far as to fondle her a little, causing Santana to visibly twitch. Then, just as quickly as it happened, he remembered that he had a bone to pick with the other man now breaking free of the biker chick's hold. The two dove at each other and started throwing punches left and right. Santana bristled, rage filling her eyes.

"San..." Brittany warned, knowing the look. Santana slid out of her seat and walked towards the two burly men. "Santana!" But the brunette was too enraged to care. Someone had made a pass at her girl, a very, very unwelcome pass and she was about to make them regret it.

"Hey!" Santana shouted loudly. The two men were too busy rearranging each other's faces to notice until Santana put her hand on the man who touched Brittany. He turned around, puzzled by the sight of this tiny girl who looked like she was about to rip his balls off.

"Whaddaya want?" He slurred. Tear his balls off? No. But Santana swung her leg back and kicked him square in the nuts as hard as she could, digging the toe of her boot in for good measure. The man went green and toppled over. The other man stumbled to his feet, clearly frightened for his masculinity.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do." She hissed with the authority of a thousand Sue Sylvesters. "I just kicked your friend here where the sun don't shine."

"He ain't my friend." The standing man mumbled.

"He is now. Look, I can either call the cops and get you two both landed in a cozy cell right next to each other so you can have some 'manly bonding time' all night or you can help this poor castrated man to his feet and into a cab." She hissed. The man was too stunned by this little firecracker to say anything. "What are you going to do? Beat up a teenager? He spilled some beer on your fucking shirt. Go have your mommy clean it for you. Now, here's my phone, I'm giving you three seconds to help his ass off the floor and I want you both to get out of here so that I can enjoy my fucking dinner in peace!" Santana heard that surprise is often the biggest motivator. If they don't see it coming, they often don't know how to react. This was one of those cases where that was right. The other man grabbed the now groaning one by the arm and dragged him out of the bar, his skin making squeaking sounds on the floor. Santana folded her arms, looked back at the rest of the people sitting in the bar and threw up her arms.

"Get back to eating!" She commanded and sat back down across from Brittany. The blond was gaping at her. She knew Santana was bad ass but this had reached a new level.

"That was hot." Brittany whispered. Santana can't help but grin at this.

"I do what I can." She replied, spearing another piece of broccoli and forcing it into her mouth. She honestly had done something stupid. They could've beaten her up but her pride kept her from staying out of it. She needed to work on that sometime lest a similar incident occur with things not going her way. She looked over at the biker chick who was helping the now conscious woman onto a chair. They spoke briefly before the two women exited the restaurant. A few minutes and an ambulance siren later, the biker chick walked back in. She made a straight line for their table.

"Hey, sorry about that earlier." She said, running her fingers through her hair sheepishly. "Let me comp your meal, ok? As thanks. You kinda saved my ass back there." Santana scoffed.

"Yeah, well, I just came to enjoy dinner. Not coming back here again."

"Look, I'm so sorry about that." The woman apologized. "The name's Nancy."

"Hi! I'm Brittany, this is Santana." Brittany said, sticking out her hand for the other woman to shake. Santana merely scoffed and kept eating, kind of pissed off that the interruption had happened in the first place. But to be honest, they were running low on money and the complimentary meal was a welcome offer. Nancy smiled at the two of them.

"Well, let me make it up to you. How about you two swing by my place later and I'll treat you to some drinks?"

"We're not 21 yet." Santana said. The woman shrugged.

"I've done more illegal things before." Santana set down her silverware.

"Aren't you worried we're going to report you?" She asked. The woman grinned.

"Nope. Because you aren't." She replied with confidence that Santana found both familiar and too cocky for her own good.

"That'd be nice, right, San?" Brittany said with a slight pleading look in her eyes.

"Whatever." Santana said. She had long since given up trying to argue with Brittany.

"Cool. Where are you two staying?" Nancy asked.

"The local hostel." Brittany replied.

"Aahh, visitors. Nice. I'll come pick you up after my shift ends at 10, how's that? Let me just go over it with my fiancee." She walked over to the woman at the front desk, the one who had seated them. Santana sighed. Of course. Sid and Nancy, how did she not see that one coming? Brittany looked over the seat with curious and slightly shocked eyes.

"Did she say, 'fiancee'?" Brittany asked.

"Yup."

"They're girls."

"Yup." Santana took a big gulp of water as Brittany tried to process the facts.

"Wait, two girls can get married? Here?"

"You can get engaged anywhere, B." Santana replied. "Maybe they were planning on moving to Boston like your aunts. Maybe they were planning on waiting." Brittany's eyes went wide.

"Really?" Santana made an affirmative sound into her glass. Brittany turned back to face Santana.

"Let's get married." She said. Santana choked on her water and wound up spitting most of it onto the floor, turning into a hacking, shocked mess.

"Excuse me?" She said once she recovered.

"Let's get married, San." Brittany repeated. Santana just stared at her.

"Um...B...I don't think you know what that means."

"I'm not stupid." Brittany replied, frowning. "I know what getting married means. You said you wanted to be with me forever, I don't see why we shouldn't."

"B, saying I want to be with you forever is not the same as saying I'm going to marry you."

"Why not?" Brittany asked. Santana opened her mouth to say "because saying forever is just a romantic thing, it doesn't actually mean it" but she shut her mouth once she realized that when she had said it to Brittany, Brittany took it seriously. Retracting the statement would only hurt her.

"Because we're in high school, B." Santana replied. "High schoolers don't get married unless it's a shotgun wedding. I'm pretty sure last time I checked neither of us are pregnant." Brittany's eyes darkened and Santana knew she was angry.

"So? I'm in love with you. You're in love with me. I don't want to be with anyone else for the rest of my life, I don't see why we can't." Brittany said in a quiet, serious voice.

"B, it's not that simple." Santana sighed, her headache returning full force.

"Why not? Why isn't it simple? Do you love me?"

"Yes!"

"And do you want to be with me for the rest of your life?" Santana bit down on her lip and hesitated. Wrong answer. Brittany stood up and walked out the front door.

"Goddammit, Brittany!" Santana hissed and threw her napkin on the table. As she walked out, Nancy stopped her.

"So, 10, right?" The biker chick asked. Santana waved her hand and nodded and stormed out the door, following Brittany. The blond was already halfway down the block when Santana caught up to her.

"B, listen."

"No."

"B, we're young, I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I don't know if we're going to stay together or not. You might find..."

"No, shut up." Brittany said, whirling on her. "_I_ won't find someone else. _You_ will. Don't speak for me as if you know what I want. If you knew what I wanted, then you'd know that you're the only one I want to love." Santana paused, trying to think up another excuse.

"B..."

"You're just scared all over again." Brittany sighed. "You're still scared to love me. You're scared that this might be real, that...that this isn't just a...a...a fling or something." Brittany's body was shaking and Santana wanted to wrap her arms around her to comfort her. When she reached for her, Brittany shirked away.

"I'm sorry." Santana replied.

"Yeah, I know." Brittany said quietly before continuing down the street to their hostel.

The two sat in relative silence on the porch of their hostel until a light blue sedan rolled into the parking lot, honking its horn. Santana was surprised that this was the kind of car that Nancy drove, she had expected some muscle car or some motorcycle. Brittany got up and slid into the back seat while Santana took the seat next to her. Sid was sitting shotgun and she turned to face them.

"Hey! I hope you two are ok with this. Nancy's kind of pushy." She apologized.

"No, it's fine!" Brittany replied with fake cheeriness. Sid smiled and they pulled out of the parking lot.

"So what brings you to Vegas?" Nancy asked.

"We're headed to California." Brittany replied. Santana stayed quiet, not really feeling like talking.

"Wow, where you girls from?"

"Ohio."

"Ohio?" Sid repeated, spinning around. "Girls, you must've been traveling for weeks!"

"Yep." Brittany said, smiling. They pulled into a small house located outside the city. Sid and Nancy hopped out and the two girls followed. The two older women held hands as they went inside but the two younger women maintained a safe distance from each other. All of them gathered in the living room while Nancy fixed some drinks for the four of them.

"Sid and Nancy, huh?" Santana finally spoke. Sid giggled.

"Yeah, I thought it was weird too. Except she looks more like Sid and I look more like Nancy."

"Who's Sid and Nancy?" Brittany asked.

"They were a disastrous couple back in the day. Sid was a rock star, Nancy was a stripper, Sid wound up stabbing Nancy to death and then died of a heroin overdose." Nancy replied, setting the glasses down in front of them. She sat down next to Sid and kissed her on the cheek. "Please don't stab me."

"I won't babe."

"Anyway, sorry about this whole thing. Once Nancy sees something she likes, she tends to go for it." Sid responded. Santana raised an eyebrow.

"We didn't stumble into a foursome about to happen, right? Because that's totally not our thing." Santana said. Sid laughed.

"No no, nothing like that!" She responded quickly. "Nancy has just taken a liking to you." Nancy covered Sid's mouth with one hand.

"Ignore this one, anything that comes out of her mouth is inappropriate. What she means to say is...I kinda like the way you operate, Santana. You have the makings of a great bartender, sass, confidence, looks. When you're legal and if you're looking for something to do, come talk to me, ok?" Santana forced a smile.

"Sure, I'll keep it in the back of my mind."

As the night wore on and more drinks were poured, the awkwardness dissipated. Brittany was having fun chatting and sharing stories while Santana curled up on the corner of the couch nursing her drink. The two were a cute bunch, though Santana didn't say it out loud. They seemed very much in love.

"So do you have a date set?" Brittany asked. The two looked at each other.

"Nope, not yet anyway."  
"This one." Sid pointed to Nancy as she drunkenly keeled forward. "This one, we've been dating, how long?"

"Fuck that." Nancy replied. "We've only known each other six months."

"Six months!" Sid repeated. "We've only known each other for six months and this one after three months of dating me comes up and asks me to marry her!"

"What can I say? I'm crazy about you." Nancy laughed. Santana noticed the falter in Brittany's smile and drew her knees in even more.

"How do you know?" Brittany asked with a slight trace of sadness.

"We don't." Nancy replied. "We just go for it."

Later, when Sid and Nancy retired to the bedroom and Santana and Brittany crashed on the couch, Santana couldn't fall asleep. She kept thinking about what Nancy had said about "just going for it." She knew it wasn't in her nature to be that reckless. She planned things out, that was what Santana did. Even when it came to Brittany, she planned things out.

"Hey S?" Brittany whispered after the lights went out. Santana didn't respond. Brittany rolled over to face her back. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Santana mumbled.

"For...for pressuring you to marry me."

"It's fine, B." Santana replied.

"No, it's not. I didn't mean to be like that. I know you don't like it when you don't know what's going to happen 10 years from now. I'm sorry." Brittany rolled over again. Santana sighed.

"B?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry too." Santana took in a deep breath. It never got easier, did it? "I love you. That's what I know right now. And that's really all that's important to me is that I love you. I'm not sure what'll happen in the future but I really, really hope it includes you." There was a long silence after Santana said that. She wondered if the blond had fallen asleep but the blond got up. She moved over to Santana's couch and laid down next to her.

"I love you." Brittany whispered, kissing Santana. They stayed like that for a while, not making out but planting little kisses against each other's lips. "I forgive you." Brittany said, holding her close.

"B...this couch is really tiny."

"We'll just have to cuddle extra close then." Brittany replied, pressing her body even closer to Santana's. Santana wrapped her arms around the blond and decided that this was where she wanted to be for the rest of her life; in Brittany's arms.

* * *

Author's note: So, we're winding down to the final chapters. I'd guestimate about...4 more chapters and an epilogue so keep those reviews coming!


	16. Las Vegas, Nevada, 5 years Ago

Author's note: See? I told you that I'd update the next day if you reviewed! Let's make a goal of...7 reviews? Maybe? :D Keep 'em coming!

_Las Vegas, Nevada, 5 Years Ago_

Santana stood outside the house she almost didn't recognize. The memories came back as if from a far away land and Santana took a deep breath and walked forward. She hesitated, looking down at the locks. They were different and Santana was worried that maybe her parents had moved. She closed her eyes and steadied her heartbeat. She rang the door bell, still that familiar, out of tune ring that she knew from a year ago. There were footsteps on the stairs and the door opened. Her mother took one look at Santana and froze, her face deathly pale.

"Hi mom." Santana whispered. Her mother's lip trembled but she made no move to let the girl in. Santana forced a smile. "I'm home."

"Who is it?" Her father's authoritative voice said. She saw the shadow in the hallway and then her father's unshaven face came into view. His expression mirrored that of his wife's but soon hardened.

"Hi, papi." She said.

"I don't know who you're talking about." Her father replied. "Close the door." Her mother looked back at him, pleading with her eyes to let their daughter in. "Close the door dammit!" And with his strong arms, he forced the door closed with a bang. Santana clenched her fists and closed her eyes tightly to force the tears back. She wasn't going to cry, no, she had expected this really. She went back into the car and rested her head against the wheel. She felt sick and unwanted and she couldn't stay parked in the driveway. She started the car and just drove, not entirely sure where she was going. She shut down her brain and let her body do the directing.

Of course her body would bring her to the one place that made her feel safe no matter what happened. As she pulled into Brittany's driveway, she wasn't even sure if Brittany's parents were home, or if they wanted to see her. Maybe they blamed her for what happened. But Santana had no where to go so she got out of the car and knocked on the door. She half expected no one to answer, it was 12 at night after all but footsteps echoed in the hallway and the door opened. Brittany's mother stood there, staring in surprise.

"My parents kicked me out." Santana said, her voice shaking. "I don't know what to do." Brittany's mother stared at her for a moment before enveloping her in an embrace so tight that Santana had a bit of trouble breathing. But soon she was sobbing into the other woman's arms and rocking back and forth.

It seemed Brittany's death had drained her house after she died. Santana hadn't visited since the incident but she distinctly remembered that the walls were brighter, the lights stronger and the general atmosphere cheerier. Even her parents, whom Santana remembered as being two of the happiest people she'd ever met (Brittany had to get it from somewhere) seemed to be passing through life. Their hair seemed grayer, their skin paler and they didn't smile as much. This, Santana realized, was why she had avoided coming home for so long. She hated seeing Lima without Brittany because it was as if all the color was sucked from the little town.

"Where have you been? The kids at school have all been worried sick about you." Brittany's mother asked.

"Around...mostly trying to move on." Santana replied. She could tell by the looks on their face that they were also trying to move on with their lives. They didn't ask why she was kicked out or how she was doing, they could see that she looked just like them.

"You can stay with us." Brittany's father said, sloshing his drink around in his cup. He looked unshaven and unkempt. Santana nodded.

"Only for a few days, then I'll be out of your hair." Brittany's mother took her hand, the one with the ring on it.

"Nonsense." She said, shocked that Santana would ever think of herself as a nuisance to them. "You're family."

Santana stayed in Brittany's room. She found it almost impossible to set foot inside because she could still see the images in her head of the two of them relaxing, kissing and gazing into each other's eyes, unaware of the tragedy to befall them in the future. She swallowed hard and tried to shut out those memories. She thought was ready but being in Brittany's room again, seeing everything like it hadn't changed, like Brittany was going to be coming home any moment, it all brought back a wave of hurt Santana hadn't been ready for. She knew in that instant that she hadn't been ready, that no matter how long she stayed on a farm or stayed away from Lima, she'd never be ready to accept that Brittany was gone forever.

"Are you ok?" Brittany's mother asked.

"Yeah." Santana lied and walked into the room. The minute she put her head down on the pillow, it felt like someone stabbed her directly into her chest.

"This is wrong." She whispered. Sleeping in Brittany's bed, it was wrong without Brittany next to her. Santana rolled onto the floor and curled up there but the ache didn't go away. It felt wrong to be in this town, in this room, surrounded by photos of the two of them and she knew she couldn't stay in Lima. She thought she had been ready and she had been dead wrong. Tears streamed from her eyes and she tried to block out the scent of Brittany that pervaded the room but it was no use for everything around her carried the lingering feel of her.

The next morning, she made her announcement.

"I'm leaving." She said promptly.

"But you just got here." Brittany's mother interjected.

"I know. But it's too much. I have to leave."

"Where are you going?" Brittany's father asked. Santana thought about it for a moment and the image of a spiky haired bartender popped into mind.

"_If you're looking for something to do, come talk to me, ok?_" Santana shook her head. She had so easily dismissed the offer before, she wasn't sure if it was still valid or if Nancy actually meant it. Still, it was worth a shot.

"I think...I think I have an idea." Santana replied. _I hope._ When she pulled out of the driveway at noon, thanking the two adults for their hospitality, a brief notion crossed her mind.

_I should visit Brittany's grave..._

But Santana shook her head, knowing exactly what would happen if she did. Best to just drive away and not look back.

The drive down to Nevada was much less comfortable and much less leisurely than her previous journey. She slept in the car whenever she got tired and drove as fast as she could. She didn't really eat much, most of the money went directly to gas and she didn't have that much money for that either. So it was a relief that she even made it to Nancy's house. The sky was dark and Santana was caught in the middle of a giant desert storm when she pulled into the driveway of the small house. She rushed towards the front door, the rain beating down on her head mercilessly. Some part of her wondered what the hell she was doing, asking for help out of nowhere like this. But at that point, she didn't care. She was desperate, she had lost her love and her family and she had no where else to go. She knocked frantically on the door and waited. Nancy answered.

"Hello?" She said.

"Hi. I'm Santana, do you remember me?"

"Yeah, of course!" Nancy said, bringing her close for a hug despite how drenched Santana was. "How have you been?"

"Better." Santana admitted.

"Well, come in, this is a surprise...shit, my place is a mess. Hope you don't mind." She shook her head and went inside.

A little while later, after she had dried off, she sat down on the couch, playing with her glass of water, tilting it forward and backward, sloshing it around the sides. Nancy sat opposite of her, smoking a cigarette and drinking what looked to be some sort of brown liquor. Her hair wasn't black anymore, she had let it grow out. It's still the same messy tangle of spikes but now it was blond.

"Where's Sid?" Santana asked, looking around.

"We broke up months ago." Nancy replied. Santana's head whipped forward and Nancy laughed. "Oh come on, Santana, it's not that surprising. What's surprising is that she didn't stab me to death. Luckily, neither of us were into heroin so I guess that helped." When she saw Santana's downcast look, she leaned forward and set her glass down on the table, stubbing out her cigarette as well.

"What's wrong?" She asked and Santana shook her head. "Look, Sid and I just weren't right for each other."

"I thought you two were in love." Santana whispered.

"We were. And we fell out of it. It happens to everyone." Nancy replied. "Where's that blonde you were with before?" Santana bit her lip.

"She's dead." She replied. Automatically, she launched into the whole story like that. She began with the pool, transitioned to Cape Cod, then told her about New York, about the many nights she slept in the car to get here because her parents disowned her and how all along, she's never let go of Brittany's memory. When she finished, Nancy was leaning her elbows on her lap, eyes at the floor in deep thought. She didn't get up to sit by Santana. She didn't hold the girl so that she can cry, no, that's not Nancy's style. Nancy had never been particularly good at these things. What she did was down the rest of her liquor and get up for a refill. When she came back, she held two glasses and set the fuller one down in front of Santana.

"I'm still underage." Santana pointed out.

"And I still don't give a damn." Nancy replied sharply. Santana let out a low hoarse chuckle and picked up the second glass and downed it. Nancy was surprised but she made no effort to stop the girl. Santana let out a hiss between her teeth, the alcohol burning in her throat. She coughed a little and set the glass down. Nancy raised an eyebrow and switched Santana's empty glass with her full one. Santana nodded appreciatively.

"Have you ever wondered why my bar's called 'Maddie's'?" Nancy asked.

"No..." Nancy settled back and took a long drag of her cigarette. She let the smoke leave her mouth in a slow trail upward.

"Maddie...god she was beautiful. I dated her back in the early years of college. We both went to an all women college and she was this beautiful southern belle with long wavy brown hair and the most gorgeous blue eyes you could imagine. We hit it off right away and she wasn't into chicks, I was. I spent a good three months chasing her. When I finally got her, it was the sweetest thing you can imagine." Nancy smiled at the memory and Santana leaned into listen.

"But...you know, we graduate, that's what happens. And Maddie fell out of love with me and in love with a man at her firm. I tried to get her back, I really did. But then she got married." A look of pain crossed Nancy's features. "I got the wedding invitation one week, and then the notice of death the next. She'd committed suicide. No one knew why, she didn't leave a note, one day she just woke up and decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I was devastated, I couldn't get out of bed for days. Then I decided to go as far away from it as possible. I wound up in Vegas, cold, broke and hungry. This woman took me in, she owned the bar previously but back then it was called Carolyn's. When I asked her why she called it that, she said it was named after her sister who died in a car crash some decades back. It was one of those old diners, you know, the ones they used to show in the 50's movies. Now, this woman was old and she was fixing on selling the place. So when I started working there, she started grooming me to take over. She said 'do what you want with it' one day and left. So I did what I could, cleaned it up so that it fit in with the times and renamed it Maddie's."

"So...that's how it got named?" Santana asked. Nancy nodded.

"You know what's funny? That woman came back a couple of years ago after everything was set up. She asked about the name change and I told her. She literally fell down she was in so much shock. Then she told me that Carolyn wasn't actually her sister. She was a lover." At this, Santana laughed aloud.

"You serious?"

"Yup, no joke. And suddenly you show up on my door step and I can't help but feel like that place is cursed, or destined, or whatever the fuck you want to call it."

"That's messed up." Santana hissed. Silence passed between them.

"So you're back in Vegas." Nancy noted. "What are you going to do?" Santana shrugged, though she really hoped that the offer still stood.

"I don't know. Be a bum?" She joked. Nancy shook her head.

"You remember way back when you first visited? When I said you could have a job at my bar?" Santana nodded, hope rising in her chest. "You still have that position if you've still got that fire. And you can crash on my couch until you get enough funds to get your own place. Granted, until you're 21, I can't let you work at the bar so you'd have to work as a waitress first."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Santana admitted. Nancy smiled and leaned back, throwing an arm over the rest of the couch's backboard.

"Well, once you hit 21, you've got to prove your chops. And hell I'm not paying you for your training. Most girls I hire go through bar tending school first. You're going to be more expensive than helpful the first few months. Let's hope you learn quick." Nancy snorted.

"I'm a quick learner." Santana reassured. "And if not, you can kick me out."

"That's the plan." Nancy replied. Santana picked up the second glass and downed that one two, that one burning a little less than the previous one. "Well, at least you can drink your liquor."

* * *

Santana woke up the next morning with a hangover so bad she wished she'd never touched whatever the hell Nancy poured for her. Nancy was in the kitchen, singing to herself in that low, seductive voice she used at the bar. Santana sat up, the blanket falling down to her waist. She looked down and blinked in surprise. She was wearing nothing but underwear.

"Morning." Nancy yelled, hearing Santana groan in pain. "Aspirin's in the far right cabinet, water's where water is." Santana looked over at her through squinted eyes. It was far too light for her comfort. Nancy was wearing just underwear and a tank top and Santana blinked in shock. She scrambled to remember the night before. When Nancy turned around and saw the flustered look on her face, she laughed.

"Relax, jailbait, I wouldn't." She said. "Well, not yet anyway."

"Fuck me..." Santana groaned, rolling out of bed and slipping into her jeans.

"Not yet." Nancy teased and Santana flashed her a dirty look. Nancy walked over and dumped a whole pile of books onto the counter.

"What's this?" Santana asked.

"Your homework. I want the first book memorized by tonight, I want you to finish the workbook by tomorrow, and...clean up's at 3am so you'd better get your ass over there by 2:30am." Nancy replied.

"Shit...you're really putting me to work." Santana hissed.

"Yeah, don't like freeloaders much." Nancy smiled and went back to cooking.

* * *

_2 years later..._

Santana proved to be an asset to the bar and grille. She worked hard, was friendly and very useful for dealing with rowdier members of the drinking crowd. She raked in tips like no one's business and Nancy was always impressed when customers asked to be seated in Santana's section. For a full year Santana worked there, saving up money until she was able to afford a small apartment located near to where Nancy lived so that they could commute to work every day. The first time Santana turned the lights on, the first thing she thought of was, "This is my place. This is really my place." She enjoyed working at Maddie's and looked forward to the prospect of being able to serve drinks. She studied hard and caught up with some of the newer bartenders in terms of knowledge. As Santana settled into bed every night, she thought that finally, just finally she was finding her place in life.

Another year passed after Santana had gotten her apartment. She'd been away from Lima for two years and she wondered how everyone was doing. Something inside her wanted to find out but the other part still cringed every time she thought of going back to Ohio. Santana was older, she was about to turn 21, finally she could start being a bartender instead of a waitress and she looked forward to the prospect of earning more money.

It was a hot fall day when she left the bar and grille. She was just getting off of the night shift and was headed home. Nancy had left early due to a horrible migraine so Santana offered to walk. It was only an hour's walk and it wasn't too bad of a night. Santana smiled and looked up at the sky. There were no stars in Las Vegas, that was for sure but she liked looking at the clouds. She had money in her pocket, she had a decent job, a nice place. Things were really looking up. She felt lucky, or as lucky as one could get all things considered. People in this world weren't as bad as she thought. Katie, Janice, Bruce, Nancy, hell even Trisha; they were all good people and she knew she'd probably be dead without them. She sighed contently. This was something...something good.

"Stop." A voice commanded. Santana's head snapped forward and her pulse quickened. A man in a hood was standing five feet in front of her, pointing a gun directly at her face. Well, so much for the people weren't that bad.

"Take it." Santana said, fumbling with her wallet and taking out all of the cash, all $127 dollars. She even tossed change on the ground.

"Is that it?" The man asked, clearly desperate. His hand shook violently and Santana hoped that he wouldn't accidentally pull the trigger.

"That's it, man. That's it. Look, you made $127 dollars and some change tonight, call it a good night and walk away." Santana replied in her calm, negotiating voice. She used that voice when particularly unruly men and women tried to start something.

"Give me your watch." The man demanded. Damn, he really was going to frisk her clean. Santana complied, not taking her eyes off of the gun.

"It's a cheap watch but hey, it's yours. Here." She tossed the watch to him.

"Your shoes." Santana took off her shoes as well.

"Look, the longer you stay here, the more likely someone's going to walk by. You've done pretty well tonight. I'm clean, ok? I'm clean out of shit."

"Shut up! I have a gun!"

"Yeah, yeah you do. But you don't have to use it tonight." Santana was sweating from every pore. The man glanced down at her hand.

"The ring." He said. Santana's blood ran even colder.

"Look, man, this ring is like...50 cents. Isn't worth anything, I swear to god." She replied.

"Give me the fucking ring or I will blow a hole through your head!" He shouted. Santana started backing away.

"It's not worth anything, I swear. I swear to god it's not worth shooting anyone for. I gave you everything I have that's worth anything." Santana pleaded, putting her hand behind her back.

"Give me the fucking ring!" He shouted, the gun shaking. Santana shook her head and turned on her heel and bolted. She heard three shots, one sent a searing pain up her leg and the other missed.

But the third shot she knew hit her in the head.

She could feel it, the bright flash of pain, the way it felt like her skull cracked open. She reached up and touched the right side of her head and her hand came back bloody.

"Shit..." She hissed and collapsed on the sidewalk. It suddenly got harder to breathe. She heard footsteps running away and screams from across the street. She looked down at her left hand, the ring still on her ring finger. She breathed a sigh of relief and struggled to stay awake.

_My brain is oozing onto the sidewalk..._she thought. _Oh fuck..._She heard someone approach her and instinctively moved her left hand under her just in case he was another mugger who wanted to get at her ring.

"Shit, shit, shit!" She heard the other person say. "SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!"

_Oh good_, she thought. _A nice person. A nice person..._She felt her eye lids flutter as every bit of her body turned to rubber. She heard laughter somewhere and wondered what freak would be laughing at this. She tried to turn her head to look but she couldn't move any part of her body. Instead she strained her eyes as the laughter happened again and this time, she recognized the voice.

"B..." She whispered weakly as more people started to gather around her. In the crowd of dark jeans, dark skirts and dark shoes, she saw a pair of bright yellow flats and the twirl of a bright yellow skirt. "B..." She tried again. The girl laughed, spinning.

_"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting?"_ The girl with the yellow skirt demanded. Santana couldn't see her face, just her shoes, her legs and the lower part of her skirt but she knew, she recognized those legs. No one else seemed to notice her and that's when it occurred to Santana.

_I'm dying..._The girl giggled and vanished into the crowd. Santana wanted to get up and chase her but everything got darker until all she could see was the flashes of yellow weaving through traffic as if it wasn't even there.


	17. San Francisco, California, Memories

Author's note: I love you guys. You're the best readers a fanfiction writer could ask for! Keep the comments coming!

_San Francisco, California, Memories_

When they woke up the next morning, Santana had a hangover and Brittany was still groggy. Every bit of them hurt from sleeping on the lumpy couch.

"Goddamn it..." Santana groaned as she sat up.

"Morning girls." Nancy said, walking by. Sid followed, dressed in nothing but boxers and an oversized t-shirt. She also wore a smug look as she passed by the two girls, clearly still tangled in each other's embrace. She raised her eyebrow in a way that signified she knew just what kind of friends they really were.

"Sleep well?" She asked saucily. Santana responded with another groan and she buried her face into Brittany's back. Brittany smiled sleepily and nodded. "Well, you girls are welcome to have breakfast with us. Just be careful, I'm a horrible cook." She winked at the two of them and went into the kitchen. Santana looked over at Brittany who looked back and the two of them burst into giggles.

"Subtle, B." Santana whispered, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"No making out on my couch." Nancy called out from the kitchen. The two of them burst into a fit of laughter, causing Brittany to fall off. Santana rolled down on top of her and Sid walked in.

"Ah, to be young again." She sighed. Nancy walked over and shook her head.

"Or my floor." She added. Santana got up first, helping Brittany to her feet. They sat down next to each other, only letting go of each other's hands when they started eating. After breakfast, Sid and Nancy drove them back to the hostel.

"You come back now, you hear? I really could use you!" Nancy shouted as they drove away. Santana waved at the two of them. They were an odd pair and Santana wasn't sure why she suddenly became ok with them overnight. But when Brittany kissed her right behind her ear, everything in the world made sense.

"They're cute." Santana said.

"Yeah, they are."

"Psh, whatever. They're not as cute as us." Santana sneered. Brittany beamed at her. This was entirely her doing. This entire "Santana is secretly a softie" was all the work of the girl standing next to her. And really, Santana didn't mind it.

"Alright, let's go before I turn normal." Santana huffed and the two of them checked out of the hostel and continued towards their destination.

They reached the southern tip of California later that day. Brittany was so excited when she saw the sign for the state. They got out of the car so that Brittany could run out into the water, beckoning Santana to join her. Santana looked around and noticed that there were no people on the beach. Obviously, Brittany did too as she whipped off her shirt and slipped out of her skirt.

"B!" Santana exclaimed, glancing back at the road. Brittany laughed, jumping right into the ocean.

"Oh, it's cold!" Brittany said, hopping right back out. "San! Come keep me warm!" Santana walked over to the water and let the waves lap at her sandals. Brittany rushed over and before Santana could run, gave her a big hug. Santana sputtered and tried to break free.

"You'll get me wet!" Santana exclaimed. Brittany answered with an open mouth kiss and Santana could taste the ocean on her lips and tongue. She brought her hands up to tangle in Brittany's soaked hair. Brittany broke the kiss and searched her eyes. Her hands wandered down to the hem of Santana's shirt and began tugging it up. Santana caught her hands.

"What are you doing?" She hissed.

"Shh..." Brittany said, kissing her again. Santana didn't relax but she removed her hands and let Brittany take her shirt off. Brittany paused and gazed into Santana's scared brown eyes. Santana stared right back. Brittany's were full of confidence and security but it made Santana feel so small in comparison. The blond's hands trailed down Santana's body along her stomach and rested on Santana's shorts. Her fingers brushed the buttons and began undoing them one by one. Brittany didn't break eye contact. Santana went to glance behind her to see if anyone was looking but Brittany seized the sides of her face and pulled her back.

"Don't." She ordered.

"What if someone sees?" Santana protested.

"No one is back there." Brittany reassured. "Trust me."

"But..."

"Do you trust me?" Brittany asked. Santana did. But it meant that she was going to take a small leap of faith. She thought back to the trust exercises that Mr. Schuester made all of them do, the one where everyone had to close their eyes and let themselves fall backwards, trusting that someone would catch them. Santana never could bring herself to fall, even with Brittany behind her. It took a lot of time and a little and a little bit of threatening from Sue Sylvester's end for her to trust her teammates on the Cheerios and even then it was more because she feared the coach than actual faith in the other girls.

"San?" Brittany's voice brought her back. "Do you trust me?" Santana kissed her to mask her fear and Brittany undid the final button on her shorts and hiked them down onto the sand. Santana trembled in Brittany's arms though it wasn't because it was cold. It was because Brittany had stripped her bare in broad daylight both physically and emotionally.

"Are you ok, San?" Brittany asked. Santana buried her face into Brittany's collarbone as Brittany's fingers toyed with her underwear.

"Yeah, B." Santana replied but Brittany could feel Santana tensing with uncertainty. She placed a kiss on her exposed shoulder. Her fingers slipped under and in and Santana let out a small whimper. Brittany had never heard the sound before, the sound of Santana so terrified. It was enough to scare her into pulling her hand back but Santana grabbed it.

"I trust you." She said into Brittany's shoulder. Brittany pressed another kiss to her cheek and pushed her fingers back in. Santana's mind might've screamed for Brittany to stop but her body recognized the sensations and reacted. It actually didn't take long. Brittany knew Santana's body sometimes better than Santana did and even though the girl was scared out of her mind, her body responded to what Brittany did. When she came, she let out a cry and bit down on the other girl's shoulder. Tears leaked out of her eyes and Santana realized with slight embarrassment that she was actually crying during sex.

"I love you." Brittany whispered with every spasm that coursed through Santana's body. It was as if she was trying to imprint the words with the sensations that Santana felt. Santana let out another small sound as her body shuddered again with a less intense but still nerve-searing wave of pleasure. Brittany held onto Santana tightly, knowing that this might've been the most intimate sex they've had so far. Santana was completely vulnerable, completely at the mercy of Brittany's whim and Brittany knew it so she held her carefully and whispered words of comfort into her ear so that she would stop being that scared little girl in the corner of her mind. It was time to bring Santana out of that darkness and introduce her to the light.

Brittany waited until the tremors faded before pulling her fingers out and kissing Santana firmly on the lips. In the back of Santana's brain, it occurred to her that she just had sex on an open beach in the middle of the day where anyone could see them. And she had let it happen. Worse yet, she cried like a little virgin during it. Her cheeks colored and she wiped the tears away hastily. Brittany reached up and seized her hand.

"It's ok." Brittany said. "I want to see all of you."

"Even the wuss that cries during sex?" Santana scoffed.

"Especially her." Brittany brushed her nose affectionately against Santana's. "And the girl who snores loud enough to wake the whole block." Santana laughed, wiping her eyes again.

"I do not!" She replied incredulously.

"Uh huh." Brittany nodded furiously. "I'll have to tape it for you someday." Santana swatted at her.

"You're horrible!" Santana said.

"But you love me!" Brittany laughed, running away. Santana's legs were still weak from before so she just watched Brittany run across the sand. When the blond turned around, she grinned and stuck her hand out for Santana to take. Santana walked forward and firmly grasped her hand. This time, she let Brittany lead the way. All she did was cling tightly to the hand she never wanted to let go.

As they drove up the coast, Brittany dozed off and Santana did what she always did, for better or worse; she thought about her relationship with Brittany. This summer had been such a whirlwind of events and Santana could believe how far they had come. Just a month and a half ago, they were just friends with benefits and now Brittany was...

Santana frowned and tried to come up with the word. Girlfriend? Lover? She shook her head. None of it sounded right in her mind. What exactly were they? She wondered what Brittany would call them and grinned when the only thing that came to mind was "soul-mates." Santana personally found it cheesy as all hell but to be perfectly fair, it suited Brittany. She was ever the optimist.

It took them another night in a hotel to get to San Francisco. Santana used up the last bit of money that was on the card to pay for it, thankful that they were almost there. Santana forced herself to stay up that night to watch Brittany sleep. The girl passed out almost the minute she touched the sheets and Santana laid down beside her and she tenderly touched her face, trying to memorize every last detail about her. She leaned over Brittany's ear.

"I love you." She whispered. "I will always, always love you, no matter what happens." With that, she turned over and went to sleep, unaware that a small smile spread across Brittany's lips.

* * *

San Francisco was where Santana's aunt Haley, her husband and their three kids lived. When Santana said that her cousins were crazy, she really meant it. The three kids were insane. It was like they were hopped up on caffeine or cocaine or something that never tired them out. Santana found it difficult to be in the same house as those three fireballs but for some reason, Brittany seemed to calm them down. She played with them to the point where they passed out from exhaustion, earning a stamp of approval from Santana's aunt and uncle.

"You can stay with us for as long as you want." They said to her. "And Santana...well...you can stay too I guess." It was a joke of course and Santana laughed right along with them.

There was a lot more to do in San Francisco than Santana initially thought. They could go shopping or go to the beach or hang around the neighborhood. They spent most of their days out of the house and in the streets. Santana liked to work on her tan while Brittany, well, Brittany sunburned but it made her look cute and Santana didn't complain about getting to rub lotion all over her body. Time flew in San Fran and before Santana knew it, the summer's end was quickly approaching. Her heart sank when she realized that she had to go home soon and leave behind this blissful vacation. She wasn't sure what she and Brittany were going to do once they went back to Lima. A part of her knew what was going to happen, they were going to go back to just the way they were before. It ate away at her and Brittany seemed to sense it too. Instead of wandering the city, they stayed at home in each other's quiet company the last few days, trying to absorb every moment together before it came to its inevitable end.

Santana was inconsolable the last day. Brittany tried to cheer her up by taking her out to the beach and watching the sunset that she so wanted to see a month and a half back. Even that didn't cheer her up. Brittany felt her heart hurt watching Santana sink into such a deep depression. She wanted to make the girl smile again and more importantly, she wanted to be the cause of it. Instead, Santana sat down on the sand and watched with empty eyes as the giant red star sank in the horizon. The beach was bustling with activity as usual but Brittany found it quiet without Santana's laugh.

"I'll be right back." Brittany said. "I'll get us some smoothies." Santana made no effort to acknowledge that she heard. Brittany gave Santana a sad look before going in the direction of the boardwalk. As she climbed up on the wooden planks, something shiny caught her eye. It was an old lady sitting on one of the steps, a scarf unfurled on the ground. Several pieces of jewelery shone in the dying light, catching the sun's final rays and giving them a mystical glow. Brittany stooped down to look and two rings caught her eye. They were silver, had no decorative etchings but they stood out even amongst the flashier, more colorful pieces.

"Aah..." The woman said, peering at her through squinty eyes. "Those are special, you know." Brittany shook her head to signal that she didn't. "The couple that wears those rings are destined to be together for as long as they wear them." Brittany cocked her head to the side.

"Really?"

"Mmhm. I'd guarantee my life on it." Brittany looked at them. They seemed outwardly simple, so simple that Brittany balked at the price. For the two of them, it was $50. They looked cheap, almost childish but something drew her to the two and she couldn't shake the feeling that the woman was telling the truth.

"That's really expensive."

"Yes, but it's worth it." The woman said. Brittany bit her lip and contemplated it. In the back of her head, she knew Santana would yell at her for spending so much money but she kept glancing at them, wanting to believe every word that the woman said.

"You're sure they work?" Brittany asked again.

"If they don't, bring 'em back." The woman replied. Brittany doubted the woman would ever be at this place again. Finally, she took out her wallet and forked over several tens. The woman smiled up at her and placed the rings in her hand. Brittany decided it was worth a shot.

Santana drew her knees to her chest and watched as the remaining rays of light faded away, leaving an orange glow that faded to a dark blue. A breeze combed through her hair and she was just about to get up and look for Brittany when the girl came up behind her and sat down next to her. Santana rested her head on Brittany's shoulder.

"This is perfect, B." She whispered. "I don't want to leave it." Brittany smiled nervously, fingering the ring in her pocket. Santana noticed her silence and her unease.

"B?" Without saying anything, Brittany took her left hand and slipped the silver band onto Santana's ring finger. Santana's mouth dropped and Brittany withdrew, looking straight ahead. Santana stared down at it, trying to wrap her mind around what had just occurred.

"B..."

"It doesn't have to mean anything." She said quickly. Her right hand dropped to the sand between them and she ran her fingers through the fine grains. "You don't even have to wear it...I just saw them..."

"Them?" Santana asked. Brittany sheepishly showed her left hand. An identical silver ring glimmered in the fading light.

"They were pretty. And I...the lady said that the people who wear them are destined to stay together forever."

"And you believed her?" Santana demanded.

"I figured it couldn't hurt..." Brittany replied. Santana stared back down at the ring. "You don't have to wear it." She added. Santana couldn't think. Her brain was racing too fast, trying to process everything at once. She had no idea what to think. This came out of nowhere and Santana didn't know how to react.

_Close your eyes and fall..._

Mr. Schuester's words floated into her head. Suddenly, Santana couldn't stand the idea of going back to Lima and pretending that none of it happened. She felt angry, not at Lima, not at WMHS, not at the stupid kids that would never let her live it down that she was actually something more than just friends with another girl. She was pissed off at herself. She didn't want to pretend that the best thing that had ever happened to her was just a summer fling. She wanted Brittany and she wanted to flaunt the fact that they were in love. She wanted to be able to gaze into Brittany's eyes wherever she wanted, to hold her hand between classes and to kiss her behind the bleachers or at their lockers like normal teenagers. But she had been too scared and she knew it.

Until now.

"B..." Santana whispered. The blond turned her head. "Ask me." Her heart beat pounded against her chest, threatening to burst through at any moment.

"Ask you what?" Santana could feel her courage slipping with every second. She certainly didn't have enough to pop the question, that had to be Brittany. It was this moment or never. She didn't want to think anymore. She didn't want to assume that they would fall out of love. She wanted to plunge head first recklessly and with abandon. No more thinking, no more over-analyzing or planning, it was finally time to jump.

"Ask me that question you asked me in Nevada. Please." Santana begged, desperate for Brittany to understand. Brittany's eyes widened with realization.

"You want...you mean..."

"Just ask me!"

"Will you marry me?" The question barely left her lips when Santana leaned over and kissed her and pulled her close. She whispered "yes" too many times to count, filling the space between their lips when they parted for a second only to bring their lips together again after every confirmation of their love. Brittany felt like her heart was going to explode with happiness and Santana almost cried out of joy.

"Really?" Brittany asked.

"Yes."

"Really? Really, really?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"Marry, as in be together forever." Brittany clarified. Santana nodded, finally meaning it when she said,

"Forever, B. I won't leave you, ever."

* * *

When they drove home the next day, Santana knew there was no going back. They were going to take McKinley High by storm, ousting Rachel and Finn as the school's power couple. Santana took Brittany's hand, gently tracing her finger against the cheap silver ring.

"So...we're engaged?" Brittany asked. Santana nodded and thought about it.

_So Brittany's my fiancee. _She thought and the word brought warmth into her body like she'd never felt before. She wanted to scream at the top of a mountain about how much she loved Brittany and a laughter bubbled up from within. _Fiancee..._She thought. _That's what she is._ It suddenly didn't matter so much that they were going back to the middle of nowhere. Santana was happy and she had Brittany as her fiancee. And that word, Santana thought, sounded right in every way possible.


	18. San Francisco, California, 5 Years Ago

Author's note: Sorry about the late update. Issues you see, anyway, enjoy! It's the penultimate chapter (though I'm deciding whether or not to make the last chapter into 2.)

_San Francisco, California, 5 Years Ago – Present_

When Santana opened her eyes, she was not on the street bleeding out. She wasn't in a hospital, nor was she staring at the ceiling of her apartment in Nevada. Instead, she found herself staring at leaves and flickers of sunshine that made their way through the foliage. She sat up and looked around. She was sitting under a giant tree surrounded by golden plains. Small hill carved out the edges of the landscape and in the distance, she could see snow-capped mountains. It was cool out, though definitely not fall weather. It seemed more like the perfect summer day. A nice breeze shook the limbs of the tree, creating a soft rustling noise. Santana looked up at the sky. It was a brilliant blue with only a few clouds obstructing the sun so that it didn't become too hot or bright. She reached up and touched her head where she knew she had been shot. When she didn't feel any wound or hole where there should've been, she withdrew her hand quickly. She looked around and realized she was alone.

"Hello?" Her voice echoed into the distance. No one responded. She started walking towards the one man made structure she could see. It was a fence that extended over the hills and for how long it went on, she didn't know.

Santana wandered through the field, watching the horizon carefully. She didn't quite understand where she was; this was certainly no place that she recognized. Her eyes scanned the surrounding area and she didn't pay attention to where she was walking. She tripped over a rock and fell. Surprisingly, there was no pain and she glanced down at her hands. There should've been some scratches, no matter how soft the ground was but there wasn't a single mark on her hand. She suddenly started to get a good feel of where she was.

Santana breathed in the fresh air and smiled. All the confusion dissipated. She felt relieved of concerns, she didn't have to worry about the world she left, she didn't have to think about anything other than the fact that she was finally where she had wanted to be for years.

"I'm here!" She yelled as loud as she could and laughed, running through the tall golden grass. She found that she didn't get tired, that she was never short of breath. Her brown eyes sparkled with delight.

"I'm here!" She called again. When no one answered, her smile slowly vanished. "B?" Her heart pounded uncomfortably. Odd, she thought, given that she shouldn't be feeling a heartbeat at all. But more than that, it plagued her that no one responded. If she was where she thought she was, then _she_ should be here. Her eyes searched the area. Apart from the breeze moving the grass, she couldn't see anything moving. She really was alone.

The idea sunk in and stuck. Santana felt tears spring to her eyes at how unfair it was. She was finally where she wanted to be and the most important person wasn't there to be with her. Was this how it was? Was this hell? Santana looked around frantically, hoping, praying she was wrong. As she turned back towards the tree, something caught her eye. She saw a figure just coming up the top of the hill to her left. The figure made her way down and Santana's breath stopped. She froze, not daring to believe until the girl stood just a few feet away.

"Hi." Brittany whispered. Santana looked her up and down. She was wearing a yellow sundress and yellow flats. A red sequin headband sparkled in her hair. She was every bit what Santana remembered and dreamed of.

"Hi." Santana replied. In a second, she closed the gap and pulled Brittany into a tight embrace. She was there, she was real.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." Santana said. Brittany's arms encircled her and this time, she could feel her touch. It wasn't a dream.

"I've missed you too." Brittany replied. Santana held her at arms length, taking in the beauty that was Brittany.

"You're everything I could've imagined." Santana said. Brittany laughed and brushed her hair back. Santana didn't know how to act. They had been apart so long that she began to forget how to act normally in front of her love. Brittany on the other hand, didn't.

"Come on, San. I want to show you everything." Brittany said, grabbing her hand.

"What's the rush?" We've got an eternity!" Santana pulled her back and held her, pressing her face into her back. "Le me just...let's just stay like this for a while." Brittany smiled and put her hands on Santana's arms as the brunette pressed her body closer. She had a warmth Santana recognized and savored.

Brittany showed Santana the surroundings. There was beautiful lake just over the hills and Santana saw that the mountains were a lot closer than she initially thought. Resting on the edge of the lake was a small cabin.

"Is that where you've been staying?" Santana asked.

"Sometimes. I'm dead, I can pretty much live wherever I want." Santana squeezed her hand.

"I like this. It's quiet." They slowly made their way over to the lake and Santana kicked off her slippers and dipped her feet in. Brittany watched her quietly.

"Come on, B!" Santana shouted, laughing as the cold water splashed on her legs. Brittany merely smiled and shook her head. Santana got out of the water and walked over to Brittany's side.

"I love you." Brittany reassured, seeing the look on Santana's face that screamed worry. "But this isn't right." Santana pulled away.

"What do you mean?" Brittany bit her lip.

"You being here. It's not right."  
"Why? I'm dead, B. I'm finally here with you, how can it not be right?" Santana asked, smiling nervously. She didn't like the way Brittany wasn't meeting her eyes. She didn't like the way Brittany fidgeted in that way that always preceded bad news. Brittany shook her head again.

"No, San, no you're not." She said and Santana felt a chill run up her spine. "San, you're not dead." Santana's face fell.

"What are you talking about?" Santana demanded. She looked around, wanting someone else to answer, not wanting to hear the truth Brittany was about to say.

"You're not dead, San." Brittany's voice trembled. Santana blinked. "You're in a coma." Santana backed away, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You're wrong. You're wrong, B. I'm here to stay." She said.

"I'm sorry." Brittany whispered. Santana fell to her knees.

"A coma..." Santana echoed hollowly.

"Please don't be mad."

"I was shot in the head!" Santana shouted. "In the fucking head!"

"I'm sorry." Brittany whispered again. Santana let her eyes close. This couldn't be true. This was a sick, sick joke that Brittany was playing on her. But she knew deep down that Brittany wouldn't hurt her like this. She wouldn't joke about something like this. As soon as she came to accept that perhaps she wasn't dead, voices filled her head.

_"She's responding..."_ It was a voice she had never heard before. Her eyes snapped open and Brittany was kneeling right in front of her. She looked around for the source of that deep male voice but she couldn't find it and she realized it must have come from the outside.

"Am I going to wake up?" She asked.

"I don't know." Brittany replied. She grasped Santana's hands and Santana took one of them and brought it up to cup the side of hr face. She closed her eyes and memorized the feel of her skin.

"I don't know if I can be without you again." Santana admitted.

"Yes, you can. You're strong, San." Santana shook her head but Brittany let her hands drop to her arms and she gripped her tightly. "You can."  
"I don't want to wake up, B." She fell forward into Brittany's arms and sobbed. Brittany held her, stroking her back. "Never. I don't want to wake up."

_"She's flat lining!" _Another unfamiliar voice exclaimed. Santana lifted her head out of Brittany's arms.

"What's going on?" She asked. "Someone just said I was flat lining."

"You're giving up, San." Brittany said. She stared straight into Santana's eyes. "You have to choose. You can go back or..."

"I can die." Santana finished. A strong gust of wind blew across the lake, sending their hair whipping across their faces. Santana stood up in a daze.

"San? San, what are you doing?" Brittany asked with concern. Santana walked away and Brittany lagged behind a little.

"I need to think." She replied. She paced back and forth for a moment, biting down on a finger nail. She looked up at Brittany. The blond's eyebrows were furrowed as she regarded Santana with worry.

"B, I want to stay..."

_"Mija, please wake up." _Santana stopped in mid-sentence. Was that her mother's voice? _"Mija, we love you. Please, please don't leave us before we can say 'sorry'."_

"What is it?" Brittany asked, noticing Santana's look of distraction.

"I-I think it's my parents." Santana replied with wonder.

_ "Come on." _It was Nancy's voice. _"You gotta wake up! Who the hell is going to help me run the bar?_" Santana sat down again.

_"You know," _Santana's eyes widened when she heard the next voice, cutting through the air like an echo of the real sound. _"Max just turned nine. He asks about you every day; about when you're coming home. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he has an adorable first crush on you."_ It was Janice. Santana brought her hand to her mouth.

"San?" Brittany said, putting her hand on Santana's shoulder. Santana shook her head, tears streaming down the sides of her face.

"I don't know what to do." She sobbed.

The two of them walked. They walked three times around the lake and made their way back to the fence. They hopped up on the railing and waited until Santana calmed down. The sun stayed high in the sky, obstructed by the clouds as they floated on by. Santana sat with her head down cast.

"I thought my parents didn't love me anymore." Santana said quietly. "And, fuck, did Janice say Max was nine? Shit, I must be under for at least a year." Brittany looked at Santana.

"I'm not the only one who loves you, San."

_"God fucking damn it, Santana Lopez! If you don't wake the fuck up, you'll be carrying my wrath to the grave!" _Santana burst into laughter when she heard that voice.

"Oh my god, B! It's Trisha!" Brittany grinned.

"See? I knew she liked you." Brittany stuck out her tongue and Santana's mouth was still open with disbelief. But soon the amazement wore off and she returned to staring at the ground.

"I can't leave you." Santana said again.

"But you can." Brittany replied. "I'll always be here. But don't break their hearts." Santana scratched at her fingers. Where she had felt so light before, now she felt burdened with the decision.

"I've been living in the past, B." She confessed. "Everything I've done, everywhere I've been, it's all been to preserve your memory."

"Santana..." Santana held up her hand.

"I know." She hopped off the fence and took a few steps forward. "I need to go. I need to finish this trip and I need to live to make my memories." She turned around. "But why does it involve leaving you?"

"You'll never leave me. You never have." Brittany replied. "You said you'd never leave me and you've kept that promise all along."

"But..."

"We're not in heaven, Santana. We're in your head. This is where you want to be. That's where I am. If you die, there's no guarantee that I'll be waiting on the other side."

"You're always in my thoughts." Santana whispered. Brittany crinkled her nose.

"Cheesy." She teased. Santana shrugged.

"I don't care so much anymore." Brittany hopped off of the fence as well and put her arms around her shoulders, putting their foreheads together.

"You can do it." She said. "You always could." Santana let out a sigh.

"I guess I still have a lot of things to do, huh? Like...like help Nancy out at the bar, like raising Brittana the puppy. I need to find all the gleeks too, see how they're doing and the like. And there are so many people I need to apologize to." She smiled. "If I go back, I'm not going to live in the past anymore." Brittany slipped her hand into Santana's.

"I love you." Brittany said.

"I love you too." She replied, then after some thinking, she added. "If I stayed here, I would regret it. I can live with regrets, god knows I have them. But I don't want to die with them." Everything blurred for a second and Santana felt pain in the side of her head. She was returning. She gripped Brittany's hand tightly.

"I'll always love you." She said. Brittany nodded.

"I know." Everything blurred again. Santana pressed her lips to Brittany's until she couldn't feel them. Everything finally went white and Santana raced towards the present.

* * *

When Santana's eyes opened, she couldn't see anything at first. She blinked slowly and things came into focus.

"Mija?" Her mother stood up, flanked by her father. Santana looked over. She felt so weak and she had tubes coming from everywhere. Her head still pounded with pain and she felt too tired to do anything other than blink and fall asleep again. She didn't dream of Brittany.

Santana found that she'd been out for close to a year and two months. Her muscles had diminished and her skin was several shades lighter. The first thing she did once she regained movement was to look at her left hand. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw the ring still perched on her ring finger.

Her whole head was a mess of bandages. The doctor came in and explained calmly what had happened. She had some brain damage but the worst had passed and nothing was life threatening anymore. A couple of centimeters to the left, though, and she really would have been dead. It was hard to move at first, even hard to talk. Her parents spoke to her, apologizing for their actions.

"You're our baby girl." Her mother cried, clutching Santana's hand. Santana smiled and nodded, accepting their apology. Her father couldn't look her in the eye, he was so ashamed, but Santana whispered a weak, "Papi..." and he was by her side again, eyes glimmering with tears and relief.

"We will never, ever do that to you again." He promised.

"When we heard...oh god your father still has the marks to prove how angry I was." Her mother laughed through the tears. Santana let out a weak chuckle. It was good to have family again.

It was a long, painful recovery. Santana had to learn to walk again. Her body had wasted away and she spent the better half of the next year learning to move and going through physical and mental therapy. Her hair, which had been shaved off for the operation and started growing back during the coma, grew out to shoulder length. She found that they healed the scars nicely.

By October the following year, Santana was back in Nevada, working at the bar. Nancy had sorely missed her help and swore up and down that business decreased after Santana left. Santana blamed it on recession but Nancy blamed it on the fact that half the patrons left after she informed them that Santana wasn't working there. She took a small leave the last week of the month to go to the final destination of her trip.

And there she was, standing on the beach where Brittany proposed. She had gotten there early and waited for the sun to set. When it started getting dark, she went out to the edge of the water, took a deep breath in and let out a long, low scream. She screamed for the loss of Brittany, she screamed for the future they never had a chance to experience and she screamed simply because it felt good. People stared at her but she didn't care. She let out all of her anger, sadness and pain. When her throat hurt and she couldn't force a sound anymore, she stopped. Sweat dripped down her forehead, mingling with the tears. It didn't get rid of all the feelings but it did feel better.

"It's time." She said. She turned on her heel and stepped onto the boardwalk. She spotted an old woman sitting under an umbrella, folding up her merchandise in a handkerchief. Santana caught a glimpse of the two silver rings jumbled in with the others and she smiled sadly.

"Hey!" She called out.

"Would you like to buy something?" The woman asked, unfurling her handkerchief again. Santana shook her head.

"Your rings." She held up her hand for the woman to see. "They work." Santana didn't say it bitterly. She didn't blame the old woman or the rings for Brittany's death. She didn't even blame herself anymore. She simply stated what was true. The woman flashed her a gap-toothed smile.

"Glad to hear it."

* * *

As Santana got in the car to make the journey back to Ohio, she no longer felt the same sense of dread the last time she traveled back. Things were going to be ok, she thought. Seeing Brittany's grave seemed like the final step to this long, drawn out process. Santana wasn't stupid though, she knew that the pain of Brittany's death would never heal. But it was the beginning. She felt like it would finally allow her to move on.

"A beginning." Santana whispered, almost tasting the words on her tongue. They brought on a flood of relief to her body and she relaxed a little. "I can finally begin living again." She almost cried at how good it sounded. She turned her key and started the car. It felt like everything had come full circle. She was going back to the place where the tragedy began so that the tragedy could finally come to an end.

"About time." She imagined Brittany would say and she nodded in agreement.

"We're going home." She said to Picasso who was sitting in the passenger seat as usual. The duck said nothing back to her but she knew that Brittany had heard. As she rolled down the windows and her car cut through the night, she realized that she had never felt so free.


	19. Lima, Ohio, Present Day III

Author's note: So I have decided to split this chapter into 2 parts, the final chapter and the epilogue. You'll understand why once you read the epilogue, I'll get both posted later today (same day!) with enough reviews! Yes, I am shamelessly bribing you.

Brittany jumped out of the car. She gazed up at her house and then back at Santana with a worried look.

"Hey, San?" She asked.

"Yeah?"

"We might get bullied." Brittany said quietly. Santana shrugged.

"I'll beat 'em up." She replied.

"We might get kicked off the Cheerios."

"Then Sue Sylvester can suck it. But I doubt she'll win nationals without us. We're the best, not to mention the hottest, on the team." Santana chuckled. But she was scared too. Brittany's parents were sitting on the porch and they made their way over to greet them. It wouldn't take long before they noticed the glances the two were giving each other, or the way they seemed to glow with love, or the rings. Santana closed her eyes. Oh god, the rings. Oh god, she might have to explain to her parents this. And at some point, the glee club members were going to figure it out.

_"Damn that Kurt. He'll probably be the first. Stupid fashion obsessed monkey." _She thought angrily. Brittany looked over at Santana.

"You ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, B. Never been better."

"Let's go." Brittany said, hand outstretched. Santana reached over and laced their fingers together. She took in a deep breath and marched forward, hand tucked away in Brittany's. There was no going back.

* * *

Santana exhaled deeply. Finally, finally this story was over. She looked down at her watch and realized they had been sitting there for nearly three and a half hours while she recounted the past 5 years that she remembered. Lima was the first stop on her way to the east coast again, this time she wanted to visit Janice, pick up Brittana on the way back and say hello to Katie and Trisha. Both families had visited her at least once while she was in her coma. Janice had visited once after she and the family went to Lima and found out from Brittany's parents what was going on. Katie and Trisha both phoned Santana's mother and found out. They visited twice as a couple and Trisha visited once alone. Strange, Santana thought when she had heard but she was glad anyway.

She looked at the two girls sitting across from her, silent with shock. They tried to process all of it at once and it looked like they were failing. Santana decided to take pity on them.

"Why don't we grab some lunch? Breadsticks? On me." She suggested. All the initial animosity had vanished. When she first saw Rachel and Quinn, she felt guilty and she had wanted to just run away and be done with it after they got angry at her for being away so long. But she was glad she had stuck around. She was glad that they heard her story.

"Santana...we had no idea." Rachel said as she got up. Santana dusted her trench coat off and shrugged.

"How could you? I didn't contact you for 5 years." Santana pointed out.

"Still."

"We're sorry." Quinn finished. The three of them looked at Brittany's grave. Santana would've been lying if she said there was no pain when she saw her name carved into the tombstone with the year of birth and the year of death. She'd be lying if she said she expected anything less. But the pain was significantly dulled and it came to her as if from a far away memory, like an old wound when then weather was humid. That wound, she knew, would never open again but would always be there to serve as a reminder of what she lost and some nights, she'd wake up and feel the pain. And when the pain went away, she'd go back to sleep, continue on with her life and do her best to live with it.

"San?" Rachel interrupted her thoughts.

"Oh, right." Santana said. The three of them walked through the graveyard, a cold wind picking up as they reached the fountain. Santana drew her coat around her tightly as she followed the two girls, _women_, she reminded herself. These were not the girls she left behind. While she matured, so did they. They looked back every now and again to make sure she was following.

"Relax, Faberry." She said, too lazy to call out both of their names. "Not going anywhere anymore. You want to put a tracking collar on me?" Rachel smiled.

"You'd pull it off." She joked. Santana smiled back at Rachel, possibly one of the few times she had ever done so.

"So how have the others been?" Santana asked, trying to start a more positive conversation.

"Puck's been touring with his band. According to Rachel, Finn's getting a masters in education. Everyone else, we're not sure really. I think Artie was going to med school last I heard but that's about it." Quinn replied.

"Hm." Santana said thoughtfully. "I'll have to catch up with all of them."

"We've all been worried sick about you." Quinn said. "You calling them up out of the blue is probably going to shock the daylights out of them." Santana smirked.

"Glad I still have that effect." When they reached their cars, Quinn motioned for Santana to get in the back seat, still wary of the brunette. Santana shrugged and got in. The three of them drove to the restaurant and sat down.

"So what are you going to do now?" Rachel asked. Santana looked at the menu instead of answering, noting with a smirk that really, nothing in Lima had changed. It was still the same menu she remembered before she left. In that case, she knew exactly what she was getting.

"I'll probably go back to the bar and grille." She replied. "You know, bartend. It's fun."

"What about becoming a lawyer or banker or something?" Quinn asked, recalling that the brunette had dreams of money and power. Santana looked upwards, trying to find the words to describe why she wanted to be those things.

"Well, yeah. Once upon a time I did want to be something powerful that raked in bucket loads of cash. But why do you think that was?" She asked. Rachel was the first one to guess and to be fair, it was the answer to a lot of what Santana did.

"Brittany." Rachel stated. Santana nodded.

"Yeah, Brittany. She wanted to be a dancer, do you know how hard it is to be a dancer? She wouldn't really get a lot of money or recognition so I wanted to get enough for both of us. At first I was thinking that we'd just be roommates, I'd take care of things while she pursued her dream. After she got married or something, I'd be pretty well off by myself."

"What if you got married first?" Quinn asked. Santana looked at her with an expression that clearly read _"I would never get married first. Brittany's happiness comes before mine every single time."_

"Doesn't matter anyway, she's dead. Even if she wasn't, we'd be getting married." Santana replied.

"What about now?" Rachel piped up. "You think you'll ever find someone else?"

"Maybe." Santana said in a voice that actually said, _"No"_.

"But Brittany would want you to at least try to be happy." Rachel tried.

"I know she would. But honestly, I don't think I have enough in me to try that again." Santana said. "And it's ok, really." The waitress arrived with their food and drink and they dug in. Santana thought about what Rachel had said. She knew she wasn't going to fall in love again but she was ok with that. It wasn't about being fiercely loyal, it was about Santana giving everything she had to Brittany, experiencing what it was like to love with an intensity that startled even her and losing that love and learning to treasure that memory. To put it simply, Santana had experienced what it was like to be in love and that was enough for her.

"What are you going to do now?" Quinn asked. "I mean, in the more immediate future."

"Well, I'm staying here with my parents for another two days. Then I have a flight to catch to the east coast to say hello to Brittany's aunts. And I'm picking up my dog." She answered.

"When is your flight?" The blond girl inquired.

"10." She replied.

"Oh, that's about when my flight is. Do you want me to give you a lift?" Quinn offered.

"I'd like that." Santana said, nodding appreciatively. They made plans to meet up the next day to catch up some more, have dinner and reminisce about the "good ol' days". Santana found herself looking forward to hanging out with the two of them. They also planned to visit McKinley so that they could see what the status was on the war between Mr. Schuester and Coach Sylvester. She wanted to see the look on their faces when she showed up out of the blue. When she did, Mr. Schuester's expression was unbearably priceless but Sue, as usual, didn't betray a hint of emotion.

"About time." She said, looking her up and down. It was her way of letting Santana know that she also cared about her disappearance and for that, Santana was touched.

* * *

The day came and went and soon Santana found herself packing for her flight. Her parents watched her with new-found appreciation and love. Her mother hovered around her room, asking if she needed anything and her father would come by and sit on her bed, messily helping her fold her clothes. Santana wanted to refold them but this gesture did not come easily on her father's part so she packed those shirts the way he left them.

Santana didn't sleep that night. She instead decided to take a walk around, specifically to the graveyard to say goodbye. It was early morning when she left the house, suitcase in tow. She told her parents to forward the message to Quinn about her location. When she reached the grave, she knelt down. The flowers had come apart in the strong wind.

"I'm leaving, B." She whispered, tracing the letters. "I don't know when I'll be back but I promise I'll be back to visit again, ok?" The wind howled in response. She stood up and opened up her backpack and took Picasso out.

"I still have him." She said. "I carry him with me everywhere. I think he's gotten uglier." She laughed a little at herself.

"Santana?" Quinn's voice drifted to her from the entrance.

"Here!" She said, standing up and waving. She tucked Picasso back into her luggage as the other blond made her way over to her.

"You ready?" Quinn asked. Santana took one last look at Brittany's grave. She sighed deeply.

"Yeah, Q. I'm ready." She replied. Quinn stood still for a moment, wrestling with something inside her. Then she reached over and pulled the brunette into a strong hug.

"We're glad to have you back." She said. Santana returned the hug. When they broke apart, Quinn offered her hand out.

"Let's go." Santana looked down at the outstretched hand. The image brought back another distant memory of Brittany's calm face saying the exact same words, her hands extended in the exact same position. Santana smiled.

_"You're always looking out for me."_ She thought. She took her friend's hand and was surprised by how comfortable it was and how familiar yet unfamiliar the sensation of security felt.

"Thanks for being my friend." Santana whispered. Quinn squeezed her hand in response and the two walked away. Santana had the urge to look back but she kept her gaze firmly fixed on what was ahead.


	20. Las Vegas, Nevada, 10 Years Later

Author's note: Here it is! The epilogue, sorry for getting it up so late, I had a hard time saying goodbye to this fic. Please read my other stories as well, if you're feeling sad by the end, look for my next one called "Old, New, Borrowed, Blue". Thanks for reading everyone!

_Las Vegas, Nevada, 10 Years Later_

It was hard to get everything set up when a full grown Australian Shepard was whining at her feet. Santana balanced 3 trays on her arms expertly; years of experience down at _Maddie's_ had definitely paid off. She set down the three trays on the table, aligning them so that their circular outlines touched evenly.

"Brittana!" She hissed. "Watch it!" The dog whined again, her tail wagging furiously. Santana leaned down and ruffled its head roughly. "Who's a bad dog? Who's getting in my way, huh?" She cooed. The dog licked at her face eagerly. She decided that since the guests weren't getting there until later in the afternoon, and since it was only one o'clock, she had some free time to tire Brittana out. She smiled to herself. A few years ago, it wasn't possible to tire the hyperactive herding dog but now, she looked down at the dog, her muzzle slightly frosted.

"Come on! Let's play!" She suggested, running out into the backyard. The dog ambled behind her and she threw the ball. Brittana fetched and she threw it a few more times. Her backyard was fairly large. She lived in a one bedroom, one floor house that was decently sized on the outskirts of town just like Nancy did. She gazed at the hedge fence surrounding her property and sighed contently. She'd done very well for herself. Her parents visited every now and again, as did Janice and her family. Max had grown up, he was now twenty and harboring a not-so-secret crush on Santana. She found it cute, the boy would always stumble over his words and blush when he saw her. His mother found it incredibly entertaining that her son still had a puppy-love for the woman who babysat him when he was still having trouble sleeping without a nightlight. They also brought along Laney, who was now fifteen. Her mother told her the story about Santana and Brittany, how the two of them came to stay with them and wound up helping Janice give birth. She also told her about Santana and her story and how she showed up on their doorstep a few months later and promptly left again. Laney took it upon herself to write it down. A lot of their visits were comprised of Laney interviewing Santana, much to Santana's mild embarrassment, about her journey. Santana related that part of her life, from the initial trip she and Brittany took to the trip she took alone after Brittany had died. The teenage girl was fascinated by the whole thing and after she finished, she published it quietly, using a pseudonym for Santana. It didn't sell many copies but what was important was that the story was out there.

Kaite and Trisha visited often. Santana fought the urge to tease Trisha a little bit about what she had heard in the hospital but truth be told, she was grateful. It had been Trisha's voice that she heard last before waking up and she attributed her decision to that. They treated Santana as a family member, so much so that Santana started calling them her adopted aunts. They sent her birthday and Christmas gifts and invited her to all of the family functions. It was strange, she thought, but not wholly unwelcome.

The dog's movements got slower and slower but she didn't want to disappoint her owner. Santana finally stopped and led the dog back in where she collapsed on her pillow and promptly fell asleep. Santana sighed with relief, she could finally get work done before the party. It had been such a long time since they Glee members all got together and Rachel's 33rd birthday seemed like the perfect occasion to call a party. Everyone was flying in to celebrate so Santana tried to make it as organized as possible. She set up the drinks on her kitchen counter and checked on the lasagna to make sure that it would be ready on time as well. She had a little time for a breather and she went over to the couch to relax. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, scratching Brittana's head. The picture that Katie had taken of the two of them sleeping stood in a gold frame on her mantle and she looked at it with aged eyes.

"B..." She whispered before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Santana woke from her nap and busied herself with the rest of the preparations. Puck was bringing the cake and she cleared a spot in her living room for the presents. Soon, the first doorbell rang. Quinn stood in the door, dressed in a pink skirt and a white top. The two of them embraced warmly.

"How are you?" Quinn asked.

"You know, Brittana's been tiring me out. How are the kids?" Santana replied. Quinn, who had gotten married to her neighbor, had done well for herself as well. She had a daughter and a son.

"Ugh, you know. We have a babysitter looking after them while I'm gone." She said, wrinkling her nose. Santana smiled. "Where do the presents go?" She gestured towards the living room. Next to arrive were Puck and Artie. Puck had given up on the life of a rock star and settled to becoming a used car salesman. Artie had gone on to become a pediatrician. Both were married and Puck's wife was heavily pregnant, so much that he almost didn't make it to the party. Artie didn't have any kids. Both of them greeted Santana and Puck was especially glad to see her.

"I keep thinking that you're going to run off again." He whispered.

"Not a chance." She replied. Mercedes came in a few seconds after.

"Hey girl!" She said. The diva had gone on to record a few albums, nothing big but it was her living and she loved it. Tina and Rachel came together. Tina was a teacher in high school with one son and Rachel had turned into a motivational speaker since she retired from the Broadway. Mike and Matt arrived, separated by a few minutes and Finn and Kurt were the last. Finn was also a teacher and Kurt was writing articles for a fashion magazine in Connecticut.

And now everyone was gathered in Santana's house. It was nice, she thought, her house was livelier than it had been since the last time they visited.

Everyone mingled, caught up, and generally enjoyed each others company. They reminisced about their time together in Glee club, happily noting that McKinley High had become one of the most recognized names in show choir competitions. Santana felt a pang of regret not having experienced a nationals win but she had been there with them, just not on the same team. When she revealed to the others that she had been on the stage at nationals, Rachel Berry couldn't help but shout,

"I knew it! I knew my perfect hearing wasn't fooling me." Everyone laughed.

It came time for dinner and Santana and Puck snuck off halfway through to get the cake. They lit the candles and brought it out. Puck strummed on his guitar and everyone chimed in. It was just like old times, and Rachel Berry couldn't resist singing as well. Everything sounded harmonious and it felt good to be together again.

Santana excused herself for a moment, slipping into her bedroom for the camera. Rachel was opening presents finally and she wanted to catch every moment she had with these precious friends of hers. As she opened her drawer, she hesitated and looked at her left hand. The ring on her finger was scratched, old and faded, much like the feelings she had after Brittany had died. She sat down on the bed and held her hand out to look at it. Outside, she heard laughter and the sound of paper being torn very carefully. She took in a deep breath and made a decision. She slowly slipped the ring off of her finger, no easy task since it hadn't come off since she first put it on and it got slightly stuck but she managed to get it off. She looked at it, sitting in her hand, cooling rapidly. She set it down on the bedside and stood up.

A sharp, white hot pain ran up her spine and she fell to her knees with a small cry. Something yellow flashed by her vision and up the hallway.

"Quinn?" She asked. Stupid, she thought, Quinn wasn't wearing any yellow. She got up and chased after the retreating figure. The figure ran out the front door and Santana followed.

"Stop!" She shouted. The figure ran to the side of her house and stopped. Santana, out of breath from the pain before, stood with her hands on her knees, gulping down air.

"Who the hell are you?" She demanded. The figure turned around and Santana's blood went cold. Brittany smiled, dressed as she had been when Santana was in her coma.

"Hey." Brittany waved. Santana looked around, wondering if this was some kind of sick joke. She took a step forward. Brittany hadn't aged a day.

"What...what the...?" Santana stammered. "Why the hell are you here? What the hell is going on?" Brittany smiled and motioned for Santana to follow her. They walked back around the front of the house to the opposite side. She motioned for Santana to peer through her bedroom window. Santana, not sure exactly what she was getting at, stood up on her tip toes and looked in. The blinds were in the way for the most part but a strong wind blew them away from the screen long enough for Santana to see a figure crumpled on the floor.

It was her.

Santana cursed and stumbled back.

"What the fuck?" She demanded. She looked back at Brittany who had an unreadable expression on her face. "What is this? What the hell is this?" She stood up and rested her head on the side of the house, breathing in.

"Fuck. Fuck, B. Am I in another coma?" She demanded. Brittany shook her head and the realization sunk in. She looked over at the blond.

"I'm dead, aren't I?" She asked. This time, Brittany nodded sadly. Santana took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. It figured, she thought. Brittany died when she took off the ring, it was only fitting that the same should happen to her. She tried to remember what had happened. She remembered taking off the ring and she remembered pain. Her eyes shot open. The pain. That must've been when she collapsed. She closed her eyes again. What was it? A stroke? She wrestled with this new found knowledge that she wasn't with the living anymore.

"Are you ok?" Brittany asked. Santana opened her eyes and stared straight into the crystal clear blue ones directly ahead of her. Just looking into those eyes made her calm down a little and she began to accept her fate.

"Only if you're real." She responded. Brittany walked over and took her hand, kissing her fingertips. The sensation brought back a flood of memories. She looked down at her hands. Where there were wrinkles, they slowly smoothed out. She looked up into the window and caught a brief glance of her reflection. She was eighteen again, she was back to the age where she and Brittany had parted ways. A wave of relief flooded her and Santana broke down in tears. Brittany was right there, holding her gently and whispering words of comfort.

"I'm real." She kept whispering. "And I've been waiting for so long." She said.

"You're not in my head, right? You're actually real?" Brittany kept whispering yes and kept kissing her face until Santana stopped crying. When she did, she heard a scream come from inside the bed room. She looked back inside and saw Quinn, hands on her mouth as she stared at Santana's body.

"NO NO NO NO!" Quinn yelled. Santana heard chairs scraping against the floor and suddenly everyone was gathered in her room and there were more screams, more yells and cries of anguish. Quinn rushed over and dropped to her knees, cradling Santana.

"Don't leave us!" She pleaded. "Oh fucking god, someone please call an ambulance! Santana don't do this!" Santana watched from the outside, slowly coming to terms that this time, it wasn't in her head.

"Damn, B. I was so young." She whispered, looking at her body. In response, Brittany squeezed her hand.

"I know." She replied. "So was I."

* * *

They watched as the lights from the ambulance and police cars flashed in her driveway and front lawn. Brittany held Santana's hand the whole time. They watched as the EMTs took her away and Santana knew that not long after they delivered her body to the hospital, she'd be declared dead. Everyone stood in the front, comforting each other. Quinn was a wreak, sobbing and screaming. Both Rachel and Finn held her tightly, trying to keep her standing. Santana watched, strangely apathetic to the whole situation. She was dead, and there wasn't much she could do about it.

"B?" She whispered.

"Yeah?" Santana looked over at her and smiled.

"I love you. I always have." She said. Brittany grinned and looked down at her feet sheepishly.

"I know. I've always loved you too." She replied. Santana leaned over and kissed her, relishing the feeling of their lips pressed together.

"I've waited so long." Santana said, echoing Brittany's earlier words. Brittany smiled through half closed eyes and kissed her again. Santana traced her face with a finger, taking in the curve of her cheekbones and the shape of her nose. She felt the softness of her lips kissing her index finger as it made a path over them.

"This is real, right?" She asked. "You won't leave me again, right?"

"No. I'm yours forever." Brittany whispered. Santana pulled Brittany into a hug.

"Good." They turned their attention back to the retreating lights and Santana decided she couldn't watch anymore of it.

"What do we do now?" She asked.

"Whatever we want." Brittany replied. Santana thought about it for a moment.

"Really? Whatever?"

"Yeah." Brittany replied. "Whatever, wherever, whenever." Santana smiled and gripped her hand firmly, determined not to let it go ever again.

"Ok. Then...I want to go to Mount Everest." She said. Brittany tilted her head, inquiring for more details.

"Why?" She asked. Santana smiled and pulled her close. She could still hear the sobbing coming from her group of friends standing in front of her house but it didn't matter anymore. She had her Brittany again, this time for good. Her heart leapt at the thought that they were never going to be separated again. She brushed their noses together and then kissed her, barely pulling away to answer Brittany's question.

"I want to see the sunrise with you."

_Fin_


End file.
